The Problem With Kevin

Driscoll: In Context

2012-01-29T20:51:00.005-06:00

Things come in cycles.

In the early 1990s, in the wake of the Rodney King incident, racial sensitivity (some would call it paranoia) was at an all-time high. The fruits of this sensitivity became a phenomenon known as political correctness.

Racist jokes had long since been frowned upon in polite society, but even the mere mention of any distinction between races became verboten. Tolerance was the buzzword, and if you weren't going out of your way to speak in platitudes about minorities (which, as it happened, constituted a substantial majority in this country then as now, but no one dared bring it up) you were somehow backward, per the cultural elite.

Of course, the unwashed proletariat didn't quite take to the cultural elite's admonishments. Just as the O.J. Simpson trial was (to the amusement of reasonable people) forcing the politically correct class to choose between two minority groups, they were already becoming a punchline. South Park ensued.

Contemporaneously, the evangelical movement met the mainstream as a counter to the outlandish assumptions of the political left. Jocelyn Elders' infamous proclamation that we were to instruct our children on the joys of masturbation, paired with Hillary Clinton's ill-advised assertion that home schooling is tantamount to child abuse, fortified the resistance. Political correctness on the television could be laughed off. Political correctness in our homes, not so.

Cultural conservatives famously won that particular battle.

The election of Barack Obama ushered in a variation of the political correctness movement, namely the feminization of language. In particular, those with dissenting viewpoints are accused of being not intolerant but uncivil. Incivility, you see, is a deadly thing. Just as political incorrectness beat Rodney King with batons, so too does incivility kill. Gabrielle Giffords' blood is on our hands, we are informed.

Louis C.K. is doing a good job of playing the Trey Parker and Matt Stone role on the social front, but what about the cultural implications?

In the religious sphere, we have seen a recent trend toward embracing a more feminine approach to scripture. Concrete choices about repenting before one true Son of God are dismissed as binary, lacking in nuance. Consensus is king. Embracing women and gays in ministry leadership is simply part of our necessary progression. There are no gender roles, and if you spank your children, you are abusing them.

If you disagree, you are backward. Binary. Not nuanced.

As it was with political correctness and child masturbation, adherents to this worldview are vocal, and prominent in mainstream culture (see: Bell, Rob), but yet also scarce.

Enter Mark Driscoll's recent best seller, Real Marriage (colon something, something), which emphatically delineates what some describe as a patriarchal worldview. It is binary, to the point of saying yes or no to specific sex acts. It is not nuanced. It does not embrace a feminine/homosexual paradigm. It certainly isn't civil.

It is, however, wildly popular.

I suspect its influence will endure. Just as abstinence education and homeschooling advocacy groups remain as catalysts for culturally conservative ideas, so will Driscoll's ministry.

And, just as home school and pro-life organizations so vexed their self-proclaimed cultural superiors in the 1990s, not least of which because they took them by surprise, so Driscoll and his ilk (he has lots of ilk) have commenced, among the paragons of new tolerant virtue, an epidemic of the vapors. In response, they have called Driscoll sexually disturbed, a spiritual rapist, and a misogynist; his attendees stupid and vulgar; Grace Driscoll a battered housewife.

Like the far-left in the 1990s, these folks don't understand they are outnumbered. Everyone they know agrees with them. Make no mistake, their words will be used against them. For those of us less inclined to draw lines in the sand re: Driscoll-and-all-he-stands-for, they make the choice for us.

Like him or lump him, history suggests the masses will embrace Mark Driscoll, and will reject the ministrations of the cultural elite yet again. Women and gays will continue to take leadership positions in the church, but in the usual (dying) enclaves of the mainline denominations.

Lost in the shuffle is whether Driscoll's book is any good, or if it will improve any marriages, but who cares? By picking on a popular target, the new theological progressives have hastened their own demise.

Good riddance.

Educational Evolution: Racism

2012-01-03T13:52:00.000-06:00

How and when we learn about Martin Luther King and racism.

Kindergarten: Just don't say the n-word, okay?

Grade 1: Martin Luther King is just another word for Santa Claus. Regard him benevolently.

Grade 2: Ditto JFK.

Grades 3-4: Martin Luther King and JFK cured racism.

Grade 5: Also, Malcolm X existed... Moving on.

Grade 6: Let's watch this film strip about slavery.

Grade 7: Let's watch this short movie about slavery.

Grade 8: Screw it, we're watching Roots.

Grade 9: Regurgitate all learning from grades 3-8.

Grade 10: Abraham Lincoln did some good things, as did this one random black shoe cobbler. So everyone played an equal part.

Grade 11: America also did a number on the Asians.

Grade 12 (Honors Track): The whole MLK, Malcolm X, JFK et al... thing was pretty complicated.

Grade 12 (Regular Track): Wasn't MLK the best? Assemble a mobile to show everyone how much you love him.

College: Martin Luther King died in vain. Everything is racist.

Graduate school: Racism is systematic. You are uniquely qualified to fix the system by virtue of your lack of marketable skills.

After school: MLK? Good guy. Good guy. Wait, the banks are closed? Screw civil rights.

Is the Middle Class disappearing?

2011-12-28T22:04:00.003-06:00

Politicians on the left love to bemoan the "disappearing" middle class. The theory goes, because a small cadre of elites horde a disproportionate amount of wealth, the rest of us writhe in poverty.

Observationally, this makes no sense. I am middle class. The vast majority of people I know are middle class. This stands to reason, since my age correlates to middle class earning potential.

But hey, maybe I live in some sort of Minnesota conservative cocoon. But here's a fact that throws a wrench in the whole enterprise of middle class disappearance: Median household income in America is the second highest in the world. Adjusting for various indices, the median household in America live better than that of every country other than Luxembourg.

I think we can all agree Luxembourg is a bit of an odd cat. It is, literally, ruled by a Duke. It has an army of 800. It's also a tax haven, thanks to a lack of banking transparency. It is basically a suburb of three other countries. We cannot unilaterally replicate the Luxembourg model.

So, if we are to believe the middle class is disappearing, we must then assume very few residents are close to the median. Half the country is decidedly in the money, at the expense of the other half.

If I grant this is true (it isn't) then this means nearly half of our households are quite rich. Considering the lower 50% includes former felons, drug addicts, and those who are flatly unwilling to work, the odds of anyone with the wherewithal to read my blog being (or becoming) rich are quite good.

Of course, half the country isn't rich. Most of the country is, in fact middle class in a nation with the most expansive, wealthiest middle class in the world.

Ironically, were it not so, the disappearing middle class bit would lose all appeal. It works best if, rather than diminishing, the middle class is expanding, so as to encompass the vast majority of American voters. In other words, most of us are so close to the median, and will remain so for life, we lack for upward mobility.

Therein lies the secret appeal of the argument. Conceptually, nobody cares if they are middle class, or if there is a middle class. However, almost every person of comfortable means considers themselves to be middle class, including the demonstrably wealthy. I've slept in 6th bedrooms of those who claim to be middle class.

And of course, nobody wants to disappear, or feel as though the lifestyle they enjoy is soon to be a relic. What Obama and other politicians are really saying is you, the voter, are disappearing. The drumbeat of news stories highlighting the massive fortunes of this or that elite only adds to this impression.

But the impression doesn't square with the facts. Essentially, if there is a way to make economic life better for Joe Schmoe than our system, the world hasn't discovered it.

If we want to improve life for the middle class, we could look to the only other countries that are even close to our median income. Luxembourg has an extremely unregulated banking system and low taxes. Norway might as well have "drill, baby, drill" written into its Constitution.

Occupy that.

In reality, the left is principally concerned with inequality. They believe a country composed of billionaires and the homeless alike in fundamentally unjust, and take it as an article of faith government is compelled to make this not so.

But forging new solutions is risky. Asking government to socialize health care, banking, medicine etc... is inviting an intrusion into our economy (to say nothing of our liberties) that could end quite badly. It invariably requires sacrifice from the middle class.

That's a tough sell to the richest nation in the world. And so it behooves the self-styled innovators to tell a nation of internet-connected, overfed, new-car-buying voters all they have worked for is being usurped by a nefarious elite.

Historically, aggressive efforts to make the very rich pay their fair share (which is code for however much an opportunistic politician demands of them) have either destroyed the middle class, or made scapegoats of certain races, dissidents or intellectuals. Would that happen in America? Maybe, maybe not.

Is it worth the risk, if we have the opportunity to end poverty? Maybe, maybe not.

But rather than pretend large-scale government programs are aimed at restoring the middle class, the left should forthrightly make its case. Those who internalize the narrative and become indignant at the betrayal of the middle class lifestyle are either ignorant or dishonest.

In short, the middle class isn't disappearing. Don't worry about it.

What's bizarre for you is NoMi normal

2011-12-21T23:06:00.002-06:00

Tonight, some entrepreneurial gentlemen, clearly enamored of the nascent snowfall, took the time to gash "FUCK YOU DYC" up and down our sidewalk.

Now, that doesn't strike me as a common sentiment. After, all, that configuration of letters (DYC) doesn't even play in Scrabble.

An open-ended "Fuck you" makes some sense. These are tough times. Getting all angry in my sidewalk snow is a possible byproduct.

This struck me as the behavior of a gang*, and was otherwise an uninteresting revelation, and so I destroyed it, what with my feet.

Having done so, I was greeted by two screaming girls, one likely 14, the other eight. Both repeating "oh, my God". Then moving on.

So I called 911. I live in Minneapolis, and the girls were black, so do the math w/r/t futility of that particular act. Were they white, there would be a damn SWAT team involved, but I can't very well say they are white, now can I?

Yes, the whole thing could be a coincidence, but ominous writings plus ominous screaming children seems rather like a thing.

So that was that. Now to the asterisk.

*- The whole business of white people attributing this or that behavior to gang violence is old hat. I get it. The knee jerk reaction is to assume I'm being hyper-serious** and whatnot.

**- To which, per the above, are gangs really all that serious? I mean, writing vulgarities in the snow is sort of in their wheelhouse. It's not like membership requires an IQ test. Quite the opposite, in fact, I would guess.

**- (cont'd) Gangs are, in essence, a loose coalition of the violently retarded. This isn't the Sicilian mob. Why shouldn't I attribute juvenile to those who are juvenile?

** - Gang or no gang, some of these idiots have guns. You don't have to be serious or interesting to kill someone with a gun. Just ask Cuba.

Krueless

2011-12-04T21:02:00.004-06:00

Paul Krugman is a cynical writer. He is, by all accounts, a brilliant economic mind. However, his opinion pieces are notoriously bracing and shallow.

There is good reason for this. Economic analysis isn't necessarily glorious stuff. It doesn't net you a high six-figure salary or bit parts in Jonah Hill movies. So, we get this.

Think about what it takes to be a viable Republican candidate today.

You have to have extensive political experience. The top three candidates, Gingrich, Romney and Paul, each has a pretty extensive track record of... Oh, that's not what he's talking about.

You have to denounce Big Government and high taxes without alienating the older voters who were the key to G.O.P. victories last year

Yep, parties have different, even disparate, constituencies. Krugman hits it on the head.

— and who, even as they declare their hatred of government, will balk at any hint of cuts to Social Security and Medicare (death panels!).

See, there are two types of Krugman op-eds. The first is where he offers a half-assed pseudo-economic "analysis" of some chart or trend. The second is red meat that keeps readers intrigued enough to read the stuff with the maths in it. That's okay, because he blogs for a small-town paper in Western Montana, right? Death panels!

And you also have to denounce President Obama,

If you're going to run against him, you might as well. I guess. Nobody's really tried this strategy before, denouncing the incumbent, so we'll see how it works.

who enacted a Republican-designed health reform and killed Osama bin Laden, as a radical socialist who is undermining American security.

Or just declare he's a crappy, unqualified president with bad ideas that haven't worked. That seems to be the general sentiment, no? To the point, didn't the left accuse Bush of being a radical arch-conservative for signing a Ted Kennedy education bill and pursuing a foreign policy course? How is this different?

Mitt Romney embodies the first option. He’s not a stupid man; he knows perfectly well, to take a not incidental example, that the Obama health reform is identical in all important respects to the reform he himself introduced in Massachusetts — but that doesn’t stop him from denouncing the Obama plan as a vast government takeover that is nothing like what he did.

Actually, he hasn't done that. At all. That's why he is being criticized for his health care plan. This is the primary criticism of Romney from conservative circles, and Krugman pretends it doesn't exist. Strikes me as cynical.

He presumably knows how to read a budget, which means that he must know that defense spending has continue (sic) to rise under the current administration

It's a bit petty pointing out the typo, since this is just an internal newsletter for the IT department of a steel consortium.

He isn’t a stupid man — but he seems to play one on TV.

If true, there will be an authenticity gap, should he face Obama in the general.

Unfortunately from his point of view, however, his acting skills leave something to be desired, and his insincerity shines through. So the base still hungers for someone who really, truly believes what every candidate for the party’s nomination must pretend to believe. Yet as I said, the only way to actually believe the modern G.O.P. (sic) catechism is to be completely clueless.

Catechism? Above, Krugman asserted GOPers are conflicted. Now we have a catechism? Does Krugman know what a catechism is? Here's how I envision this last sentence looked before Krugman sent it off to his editors.

Yet as I said, the only way to actually believe the modern G.O.P. (PK: ed. please insert religious sounding word here) is to be completely clueless (PK: ed. is it G.O.P. or GOP? Someone please check. I can't be bothered)

Since Krugman's editor apparently couldn't be bothered, either, I'll rewrite this sentence so that looks less like it was written by a homeless alcoholic:

You have to be completely clueless to embrace the modern GOP doctrine.

Much better.

Think in particular of Rick Perry, a conservative true believer who seemingly had everything it took to clinch the nomination — until he opened his mouth.

I agree with this analysis, such as it is. Just annoyed by the use of the em-dash.

Many observers seem surprised that Mr. Gingrich’s, well, colorful personal history isn’t causing him more problems, but they shouldn’t be. If hypocrisy is the tribute vice pays to virtue, conservatives often seem inclined to accept that tribute, voting for candidates who publicly espouse conservative moral principles whatever their personal behavior.

This is a very convoluted way of saying conservatives will vote for hypocrites, which doesn't really have anything to do with the rest of the piece. It does nothing to indicate Republicans are clueless. It's utterly gratuitous.

(PK: ed. please insert a paragraph about what this says about current state of the G.O.P. I have a plane to catch)

There we go.

Did I mention that David Vitter is still in the Senate?

Yep, and you attributed it to this:

Because where liberals see gross hypocrisy, conservatives see men doing the Lord’s work — which partially excuses their own failings...

To which: Gore. Mansions.

And my sense is that he’s also very good at doublethink — that even when he knows what he’s saying isn’t true, he manages to believe it while he’s saying it.

To which: Glass. Houses.

Of course, given the terrible economic picture and the tendency of voters to blame whoever holds the White House for bad times, even a deeply flawed G.O.P. nominee might very well win the presidency. But then what?

The economy will turn around. Paul Krugman will attribute said growth to the stimulus Obama passed four years prior, and argue we would have seen a faster turnaround if only there had been more stimulus. I guarantee you this is what will happen.

The Washington Post quotes an unnamed Republican adviser who compared what happened to Mr. Cain, when he suddenly found himself leading in the polls, to the proverbial tale of the dog who had better not catch that car he’s chasing. “Something great and awful happened, the dog caught the car. And of course, dogs don’t know how to drive cars. So he had no idea what to do with it.”

I like that the unnamed adviser:

a) Felt compelled to explain his metaphor.
b) Did so inaccurately*.

If the dog actually catches the car — the actual job of running the U.S. government —

I like that Krugman feels the need to explain his metaphor.

And what will happen then?

I just answered this quest... Oh, you're done.

Krugman knows his guy is in power and the economy has gone all to hell, right? To strain the metaphor, it's like Jeff Daniels trading the poochmobile for a vespa in Dumb and Dumber.

See, Jim Carrey's character is Krugman, Jeff Daniels is Obama, the poochmobile was the American economy he traded for a vespa. It's a metaphor for how everyone who disagrees with me is a dumb-dumb.

Or something. What do I know? I'm cluelessly supporting the G.O.P. catechism.

* - Dogs chase any number of things they do not know how to operate. This is unremarkable. If they catch a car, they are liable to be run over, is the idea. I mean, all of Krugman's fans had already posted this to Facebook and Twitter by this point, so mission accomplished, but the entire conclusion of this piece makes no real sense.

So I got robbed

2011-11-18T18:37:00.003-06:00

Today, some thugs thought the sensible thing to do would be to break into my house and rob us of what they perceive to be our most valuable possessions.

As it happens, I have some opinions about this. They are as follows:

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Here's how it goes for cops in this city. They have the car the robbers were using. They have the driver in custody. They have a guy they captured in the yard across our alley.

What's awesome? They don't even have enough evidence to get a warrant to search the car. They have the car in their possession but, by law, they cannot look inside it.

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To the robbers. Geez, it's not enough my tax dollars feed you and house you and buy your automobile? Yeah, God forbid my wife would have nice things. Better to deprive her of them.

Fortunately, you had the good sense to do so while I was away. Had I been working from home, there would be no "you", my wife would have her jewelry, to which you apparently decided she was not entitled, and there would be some sort of civil rights gadfly marching on your grave.

So you've earned it, in a sense, I guess. Good on you, bastard. Just don't come back 'round. You may be strong, but I've got your IQ covered by 65 points minimum, I have an adorable baby to defend and I have a pretty powerful God on my side. I will kill you. I have no compunction about doing so; no more so than killing mice.

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I actually do feel kinda bad about killing mice.

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All of this makes me all the more worried it took 20 minutes for cops to show up after I reported a shotgun blast last weekend. Are the gangs marking their territory? Is this how they do it? If so, what if their assignment is to murder a white family? Sounds like something they would do.

I've said before it will take the murder of a gay man or a white girl to get our useless mayor's attention focused on our world-class crime problem. I'd just as soon that girl not be my daughter or that gay man my neighbor.

Let's face it. If you don't live in the affluent 1/3rd of this city, Minneapolis can be a pretty unpleasant place to live. There is no excuse for this. R.T. Rybak doesn't care, because he can ride on motorcycles with lesbians and that's enough for most people.

Barb Johnson doesn't give a damn, because nobody is going to rob her Victory Memorial house.

Cam Gordon doesn't care because he is almost certainly on drugs.

Meg Tuthill is convinced that there is a patio crisis in this city, which is so strange I can't bring myself to comprehend it. Dear Uptown, if sentient beings comprise you, please vote for whomever runs against this lunatic. Else, you get the government you deserve, and you deserve to get shot from time to time.

Gary Schiff wants to be the next R.T. Rybak. Insofar as he's an ineffectual twit, he's right on track.

The Park Board thanks you kindly for the tax dollars, but will simply keep them for itself. Thanks for your donation to their lovely office space.

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Foreclosing and moving to the suburbs looks better every day.

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Oh, and to all the NoMi advocates who have shamed me for promoting stereotypes... Well, what do you want from me?

Open Questions

2011-11-15T11:43:00.002-06:00

My questions demand answers.

So what problem does Minneapolis Light Rail solve? Was that problem worth spending $1 billion solving? Does the MSP-STP Light Rail solve this problem as well, or does it solve another problem?

Did anyone ask any of the questions above before we started building the thing? If not, why not?

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If the Vikings do not get a new stadium, does anyone seriously believe they will move to Los Angeles? On what basis?

If we can be reasonably assured they will not move, doesn't that void any argument for a new stadium? If so, doesn't that give the owners of the team every incentive to dishonestly suggest they will move to Los Angeles?

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At this point, is Joe Paterno in fact more guilty than Jerry Sandusky? The latter has not been convicted of anything, though the former has admittedly failed to report potential criminal activity to the authorities?

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The Duggar family recently announced they are pregnant with their 20th child. Why do most people think this is wrong? Is there any empirical basis, or is it sufficient to simply have an opinion?

What is the point of having an opinion for which there is no empirical basis? How is that different from, say, rooting for the Vikings vs. the Packers?

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Shouldn't parents who home school or send their kids to private school be given a discount on their taxes? After all, the fewer students, the less strain on an already overburdened system. Isn't this the case with respect to the consumption of just about anything? Why is education different?

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Why do news sites insist on the slideshow format for stories? How do they serve the economic interests of the outlet?

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Why, when everyone agreed Jack and Jill would be a terrible movie, didn't thinking people still go see it? You cannot attribute $26 million in box office to teens and stupids. At least one million people who might otherwise be worthy of respect made the conscious decision to spend their money on a film they could not possibly have enjoyed. Why?

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On Christianity, politics and stupid arguments

2011-11-02T12:22:00.006-05:00

For those who are unaware, I am a Christian, and conservative (politically... I would be considered theologically moderate). For that reason, I am attuned to certain assertions used to dismiss my faith on political/social grounds. I'll call them "stupid Christian" arguments, since all of them are designed to make conservative evangelicals look thoughtless and silly. My response to a random smattering follows:

"Kim Kardashian and Kris Humpries' marriage lasted 72 days, but gays and lesbians are threatening the institution of marriage?" (implied snicker)

This sounds good, but it elides the core of the issue. Christians are as repulsed by celebrity quicky marriages like everyone else. Most conservatives support the creation of certain laws aimed at curbing such temporary arrangements. Short of eliminating at-will divorce (which some conservatives also favor) there is no real solution. Kris and Kim absolutely threaten the institution of marriage, but we are essentially helpless to prevent them from doing so.

For what it's worth, I don't think there should be an "institution" of marriage. Government should let people live however they want, and apply no honorific to any social arrangement. But if we are going to have government civil contracts, that's an institution, and Americans have the right to define it in accordance with its purpose, even if it fails at that purpose. Government institutions exist solely to empower the people.

"Jesus was a dark-skinned hippie socialist, not a conservative."

Jesus was indeed concerned for the poor, and came to the aid of the oppressed. However, he never called upon government to do so. He simply wasn't active in politics, and the Roman Empire washed its hands of him (almost literally... That's where the phrase comes from).

Some argue Christ was inherently political, because he called on citizens to follow him and not the Roman Empire. But considering we are free to worship Christ in America, this is a red herring. Worship in the United States isn't really a political event unless you want to make it one. Some do; I don't.

Of course, many Christians are active politically. Since people feel passionately about politics, many on the right and the left conflate politics with faith. Further, nobody genuinely concerned about politics actively fights to oppress the poor. I believe a strong centralized government does just that, while the left believes free markets do. That is an economic question, not a matter of faith.

As to whether Christ was dark-skinned, that is largely unknown. The obvious implication here is that conservatives are racist, and can't handle the idea Christ is anything other than white. It's an ignorant epithet and nothing more.

"Why do Christians support going to war? Wasn't Christ the prince of peace?"

Not particularly. While he never actively supported any particular conflict - again, he offered no directives for empires other than to follow him - he never opposed conflict in general. Many pacifists (who always seem quieter during Democratic administrations, FWIW) cite Christ's famous admonition those who live by the sword die by the sword. But this was in direct response to Peter interfering with Christ's death on the cross.

Keep in mind Christ was amazed at the faith of a Roman Soldier, and did not call him out for any particular sin. If Christ was so enamored of pacifism, surely he would have had a word to say to him about war. He did not.

"Why do conservatives love the rich? Didn't Christ say to give all your possessions to the poor?"

No. This is based on a sloppy interpretation of the Christ's encounter with the young rich man. Jesus here was prompted by the question "what do I still lack?" posed by a man who had ticked off the commandments he obeyed. Christ quickly identified what was lacking. The man was greedy. Commanded to give away his possessions and follow Christ, the man went away sad.

It is true that many rich people are blinded by their greed. It does not follow all rich men are greedy.

From a political perspective, I don't know what you do with this passage. Christ clearly isn't compelling the man to give away his possessions. Why, then, should I ask the government to do so? If economic redistribution solves a political problem, so be it, but appealing to Jesus doesn't get you anywhere.

Christians do recognize rich people are often assholes. For this reason, we do not particularly enjoy being lectured by those who profit from the political values they espouse (think Al Gore, Michael Moore, The Clooney Christ, Keith Olbermann etc...)

"Why are Christians so worried about sexual sin? Didn't Jesus say he who is without sin should cast the first stone?"

This is an adequate argument, perhaps, against banning certain sexual behaviors. However, the bigger contemporary issues relate to church membership and leadership.

I certainly agree we shouldn't stone people, but there is no biblical warrant for putting unrepentant sinners in church leadership. Jesus says do not sin again, not "keep doing it because we are all sinners". Scripture offers guidelines for leadership and membership in the church. Some people don't like it, but nobody is throwing stones at them.

"Why do Christians oppose legal abortion when the bible doesn't mention it?"

There is an assertion behind this question. The question is, why are Christians opposed to legal abortion? The assertion is the bible is silent on the issue, and so this is not a faith issue.

To assert scriptural silence on this issue constitutes tacit approval is nonsense. My guess is God assumes his admonition to care for the least of these and not murder people, combined with the fact he knit us in the womb, should be sufficient to make clear defenseless babies ought not be slaughtered. In order to make these case for tacit approval, you have to assume God makes a distinction between a child before and after birth. He makes no such distinction anywhere. This is, therefore, a moral issue, from a Christian perspective.

To the question, however, I think where you land on the abortion issue depends on whether you favor ethics or personal autonomy. Frankly, the arguments on both sides of the abortion debate are woefully inadequate. Christian pro-lifers senselessly argue from subjective morality, while pro-choicers argue senselessly from autonomy.

From my perspective, legal abortion fails either sense, but that's not the point. This has become an issue of rights vs. morals. Hence, the whole litmus test business. This is one area where Christians, even though they have the right side of the argument, make the wrong case.

"Christians are anti-science. Aren't they teh STUPIDZ!!!!11!!1!"

This refers to the propensity among Christians to reject the Darwinian theory of evolution, and to be skeptical regarding anthropogenic global warming. To which, a few points.

There is quite a bit more to the practice of science than unreliable climate models and Darwin. Christians, by and large, respect the idea of scientific inquiry.

As respects evolutionary theory, my approach is to recognize what science can and cannot do. Science cannot, and will not, explain the origins of the universe. It cannot, and will not, explain miracles. I believe in miracles, as do most, and I believe the universe began, as does everyone.

Science cannot account for faith, and so must work within it's own parameters. Namely, if a phenomenon is not repeatable, science cannot do much with it. This is not the same as saying it didn't happen. Science has nothing to say about, for example, the resurrection of Christ, which most believe did happen.

As respects anthropogenic global warming, the science is far from settled. Science is never actually settled (ask Einstein) but in this case, it isn't close. Here's what we know:

The earth warmed over the last century.
The earth has not warmed over the last 13 years.
Global warming over the last century correlates with an increase in carbon production.
Carbon production has increase massively over the last 13 years.
Global warming scientists like to hide declines.

There is much we do not know. For example, we don't know why climate models established in the 1990s were completely and utterly wrong. Like, people-predicting-Darko-Milicic-will-be-a-superstar wrong. We don't know how much humans have actually contributed to global warming, how much we can do to reverse it, whether it needs to be reversed, how much said reversal will cost, whether the cost of reversal will outweigh the costs associated with global warming, whether localized legislative action to promote reversal will be outweighed by universal carbon usage, and whether the whole thing might not just sort itself out in a few decades.

To which, most on the left respond "WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! THERE'S NO TIME!"

Which is about the most anti-goddamn-science thing anyone can possibly say about anything.

So, Christians are not anti-science, no matter what Karl Giberson, graduate and former provost-or-whatever at West Of Bumblef--k Bible College writes in HuffPo about us.

And, of course, science is not the only thing comprising the intellect. It is quite possible to hold the minority viewpoint on one scientific issue (we AGW skeptics are in the majority, and for good reason, you decline-hiders) and still engage in intellectual inquiry.

If you want to dismiss conservative evangelicals, that's fine, but recognize that most of us have thought through what we believe and why we believe it. If you are forced to rely on gimmicky arguments to dismiss us, that says more about you than me.

Monday Musings of Musingness

2011-10-31T12:15:00.002-05:00

It's Monday. I blog. Let's muse.

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Yesterday, in an anonymously (albeit extensively) sourced piece, Politico shed light on prior allegations, probably sexual harassment allegations, against Herman Cain. All that is really known is two employees of the National Restaurant Association were given five figure settlements and left the associations. To which:

The story dropped on Sunday night, right before Cain was scheduled to have a big press day. Clearly this was coordinated by one of the rival campaigns (likely Romney or Perry's). But was this wise. Until/unless one of the women comes forward with damning testimony, this looks like a baseless allegation. Echoes of Anita Hill only help Cain's candidacy with primary voters.

A payout to avoid legal action is far from an admission of guilt. As hush money goes, five figures is small shakes, and might explain...

...Cain's unscripted reaction to the revelation was indignation, which is understandable, but unbecoming of a candidate. If Cain is the eventual nominee, its good he's getting this out of the way now, but if he thinks Obama and his media lapdogs aren't going to pull every gotcha in the book, he's wildly naive.

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In an effort to co-opt the Occupy Wall Street movement, President Obama announce a plan to restructure and forgive student loans. For regular schmoes like you and I, nothing has changed. The changes apply only to loans taken out after 2008. The biggest change is a provision that caps student loan payments to a low percentage of discretionary income and cancels debt after ten years for students who work for government or in the non-profit sector.

This will have the following effects:

- It will effectively provide free education to government sector employees. Who was asking for this? Why should I pay for it? Can anyone defend this?

- It will drive up tuition costs. While a small percentage of graduates find employment in the cutthroat public and non-profit sectors, many idealistic young people BELIEVE they will. They will borrow in accordance with their belief they will not have to repay the vast majority of their loans. That means more demand, which will drive up college costs for our children.

- Existing public sector employees will be forced to acquire more advanced degrees in an effort to remain competitive against a new crop of hyper-educated idealists.

- The forgiven debts will cost trillions of dollars. Here's how that will go. Because Obama is reassigning student debts to the federal government, and those debts won't be forgiven for another decade, he is able to treat this as a profit generator. As such he doesn't need congressional approval. Mark my words, when the bubble bursts (15-17 years from now), and Congress is forced to pay for the mess, Democrats will blame Republicans for the collapse. Lack of regulation.

- Seriously, what the hell?

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I'm late to the game in commenting on the Netflix brouhaha, but I've got opinions, and I think this is part of a broader phenomenon.

What Netflix is trying to do is get customers to pay more for a lower quality product. Usually, this is the sort of effort one expects from a company in its death throes. They raise prices and slash offerings in an attempt to gain some liquidity before declaring bankruptcy or shuttering. Company's will often raise prices, but usually pair the hike with new offerings or, better yet, craft a new offering and wait for users gravitate to it (see: Apple).

Netflix, in an effort to unseat Blockbuster, started offering streaming movies online for free through its existing mail service. Ordinarily, when companies bolster their offering to knock off a competitor, they gradually increase prices. For whatever reason, Netflix did not do this.

So, faced with the need to substantially increase prices, Netflix already faced a problem. However, they compounded the error by trying to kill two birds with one stone. Netflix has made no secret of its desire to phase out mail service entirely. As such, they applied the price hike directly to that offering. This had the (presumably unintended) impact of also quantifying the cost of the streaming service, which most customers regarded as a freebie.

Frankly, unless you have kids and/or no taste, Netflix streaming service is of very little value. And it's getting worse, with the departure of a couple key partners.

Netflix could have achieved a better result had they landed 2-3 key partnerships (a la Warner Brothers) and launched a Netflix Plus service, for an added premium. Using the increased revenues, they could have fortified their library to attract new customers.

Instead, they lost 800,000 subscribers. Further, and more damaging in the long term, they started a discussion about the value of their streaming service. Right or wrong, people are making up their minds about whether the service is valuable, and it's going to take a lot to change their minds.

The lesson: If you build it they will come. If companies work to produce a quality offering, the price point question settles itself. Such is the virtue of free markets. Trying to shoehorn your existing customer base into the product you would rather be offering never works.

Everything I hate about everything

2011-10-24T23:43:00.003-05:00

So, there's this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKo6V01_Nk8

Basically, Jamie Wilson, the standup reporter for Fox Portland, expressly sympathizes with the Portland occupiers. To which, a few points:

She blatantly supports the protestors. Objective journalism is a myth. Also, it is not ironic she reports for her local Fox affiliate. Seriously, that's just not how the system goes. Anyone who ties Fox News as a cable channel to local affiliates via bias does not know what they are talking about.

My problem is Jamie, who has chosen an awfully competitive career, laments her expensive education. Look, sweetheart, being on TV doesn't pay well, because for every one of you, there are 10,000 of you.

This goes for social work, non-profit paper shifting, political campaigns, and just about any other job that does not require a particular skill. These jobs are competitive because we have an unskilled workforce that does not enjoy blue collar labor.

If you are pretty enough (Portland goggles) to find yourself on TV, you are not the 99%. You have a job others would die for, and your job is essentially redundant to boot.

If I'm Jamie Wilson, I keep my (Portland) pretty mouth shut and enjoy the ride.

Moneyday Musings

2011-10-24T05:34:00.004-05:00

It's Monday. Baby's in day care. Hoping she finally acquires a superpower.

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Barack Obama announced he would be committing our tax dollars to bailing out student loans. That's nice. I'm glad we have a dictatorship model so the President can offer goodies directly to movements he is trying to co-opt.

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Let me be clear; I want Occupy Wall Street to fail. I've heard the spiel about how they have disparate aims, lack a cohesive message, and don't rally around any particular ideology.

So what? What is clear is that they are outraged by perceived injustice, and see the expansion of a government as a remedy. They've lost me right there.

But if they hadn't, I do not at all find it reassuring when a group favors government expansion, but does not know what it wants. Such a group is especially vulnerable to co-option.

I've told I am to disregard my concern, and simply support the group because they oppose "injustice". But I don't think we perceive the same injustices. Economic redistribution qua redistribution is not the same thing, and the unthinking support of that cause has led to some of history's greatest injustices.

Our middle class essentially* has more purchasing power than the middle class of any other country in the world. Is it perfect? No, but there exists the strong possibility the government will make it worse.

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*-Is Luxembourg really a country? Not in any sense material to this discussion**.

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**-Look at their growth industries, for example.

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I feel like the last half of Layla should be playing in the Middle East right now. Next, we're going to find Ahmadinejad in a freezer, hanging on a meat hook.

The best thing about the death of Gaddafi is we no longer have to endure the journalistic parlor game of "spelling Gaddafi's name counter-intuitively". Between this and the death of Usama Bin Laden, fully 10 percent of foreign correspondents will now be forced to retire.

Ironically, now that Obama has done a little bit to earn his Peace Prize, he will never again be considered for one. The key to winning the affections of the Nobel committee is to talk loudly and leave your stick at home.

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Caught Moneyball on Saturday. Some observations:

-A film about the 2002 Oakland Athletics that doesn't mention Barry Zito (who won the Cy Young Award), Tim Hudson and Mark Mulder is a bit like a movie about the 1980s Celtics that makes no mention of Larry Bird, Kevin McHale or Robert Parish. This movie is about the Rosencrantz's and Guildensterns.

-From a Moneyball perspective, trading Carlos Pena to make room for Scott Hatteberg made no sense. Pena was 24, and more productive offensively than Hatteberg had been the prior season. He wound up making less than 1/4th of what the Athletics wound up paying Hatteberg, while being more productive at the plate. The only defense for playing Hatteberg would be the notion a guy hits better when he's not facing the pressure to catch, for which there is no evidence.

-In Hatteberg's defense, the movie makes him out to be an incompetent first basement. He was actually better than Pena, and substantially better than that year's Gold Glove winner (John Olerud for some reason). The transition from catcher to the corners isn't particularly hard; Craig Biggio went from Catcher to 2nd base, won several gold gloves, and actually deserved one of them.

-The 2002 Athletics performed well above their Pythagorean expectation, while the Boston Red Sox and Anaheim Angels performed well below their expectations. In short, the Athletics needed a fair amount of luck to make the playoffs.

-Trading Jeremy Giambi had absolutely nothing to do with Moneyball, and everything to do with the intangibles. The movie basically throws that fact in our face, while eliding it at the same time. At a certain point, the sleight of hand shows contempt for moviegoers.

-Did a real life sportscaster actually suggest the Twins won that playoff series by playing the right kind of baseball? A team that had Christian Guzman and Luis Rivas manning the infield? Even Twins fans will concede that was probably the worst baseball team to ever win a playoff series.

Good movie, but having been aware of the advanced stats movement in baseball for over a decade, it's hard not to notice the fiction component of the non-fiction.

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That's all. Go back to Facebook.

A reasonable critique of an unreasonable critique of the unreasonable

2011-10-19T12:04:00.003-05:00

I forthrightly reject reason, I guess.

I should backtrack.

See, there exists a peculiar breed of popular Christian, one who fails to garner influence in broader secular pursuits, and also fails to gain traction in theological circles, but manages to garner acclaim as a sort of human Venn diagram, fusing faith and culture. Some, like Billy Baldwin, endear themselves to the former by criticizing the latter. They are reviled, which is fine.

Others take to the culture to criticize the faith. Rob Bell is the perfect example. A mediocre creative writer, and a nominal Christian thinker, he rose to prominence writing a trifling book questioning the notion of eternal torment. He will now have the opportunity to produce (about six episodes of) a spiritual comic drama in conjunction with the producer of Lost.

Jackpot!

Karl Giberson, a former Physics professor at Eastern Nazarene College, which lists among its prominent alumni, um, Karl Giberson, has carved out a nice little niche on opinion pages nationwide, taking Christians to task for their anti-intellectualism. We are anti-intellectual, you see, because many of us don't agree with him on the issues of evolution and global warming.

Evolution and global warming, of course, are the only extant expressions of human reason. The collective fields of history, philosophy, theology and science, to say nothing of drama and art, have yielded no basis for intellectual inquiry, much as they have tried. We once managed to harness the power of penicilin, but that knowledge was lost to the ages.

Of course, the secular media hues to the theory of evolution and the (highly-political) narrative on global warming, and Giberson has rode the grey duck wave to prominence. For example, there's this. Highlights:

"THE Republican presidential field has become a showcase of evangelical anti-intellectualism. Herman Cain, Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann deny that climate change is real and caused by humans. "

But Mitt Romney is the frontrunner, and is the one being showcased.

"The two candidates who espouse the greatest support for science, Mitt Romney and Jon M. Huntsman Jr., happen to be Mormons, a faith regarded with mistrust by many Christians. "

This is incoherent. Mitt Romney is the front runner, meaning he has the most support, and does seem to agree with the anthropogenic global warming narrative. However, many Christians mistrust Mormonism. What do those two facts have to do with each other? Are Christians alone in not trusting Mormonism? Is that evidence of being anti-intellectual?

Shouldn't a self-described intellectual be able to craft a succinct opening paragraph? Isn't the ability to frame an argument part and parcel of the expression of human reason?

" The rejection of science seems to be part of a politically monolithic red-state fundamentalism, textbook evidence of an unyielding ignorance on the part of the religious. "

Which again, the evidence for this phenomenon is three candidates for office who doubt the existence of anthropogenic global warming and the fact evangelicals join the vast majority of the free world in mistrusting the tenets of Joseph Smith.

"Evangelicalism at its best seeks a biblically grounded expression of Christianity that is intellectually engaged, humble and forward-looking. In contrast, fundamentalism is literalistic, overconfident and reactionary."

Nothing says humility like taking to the pages of the New York Times to label millions of faithful Christians as anti-intellectual reactionaries. Also, how does literalism stand in opposition to science?

"(evangelicals) have been scarred by the elimination of prayer in schools; the removal of nativity scenes from public places; the increasing legitimacy of abortion and homosexuality; the persistence of pornography and drug abuse; and acceptance of other religions and of atheism.

Is there any evidence evangelicals have been scarred by these phenomena? Certainly the "persistence" (editor: from one intellectual to another, the word you are looking for is "prevalence") of pornography and drug abuse is concerning. I'd like some evidence for the scarring part, though. Granted, Giberson is no scient... Oh, wait. Yeah, I'd like some evidence.

"Evangelicals who disagree, like Francis S. Collins, the director of the National Institutes of Health, are excoriated on the group’s Web Site. "

Whereas Giberson takes to the New York Times to do his excoriating.

"Though his education consists of a B.A. in religious education from Oral Roberts University and his scholarly blunders have drawn criticism from evangelical historians like John Fea, "

Giberson got his B.A. from, um, Eastern Nazarene College, which is pretty much Oral Roberts' backup school. And his area of expertise is Physics. People in glass houses, Karl.

"A defender of spanking children and of traditional roles for the sexes, he has accused the American Psychological Association, which in 2000 disavowed reparative therapy to “cure” homosexuality, of caving in to gay pressure. "

Whereas intellectuals like Giberson are part of the movement to ban spanking, on the absurd basis there is no difference between spanking your child and beating them. You know, because the failure to distinguish on order of magnitude is reasonable.

"They pepper their presentations with so many Bible verses that their messages appear to be straight out of Scripture; to many, they seem like prophets, anointed by God. "

To whom are men like Dobson regarded as prophets anointed by God? Where is the evidence for this position? What is intellectual about this smear. I meet Giberson's (facile) definition of an anti-intellectual, but I have had plenty negative to say about James Dobson.

By the way, go to Biologos, the organization founded by Giberson, and try to make an argument that is even remotely critical of the man. For someone so decidedly unserious, this dude has some serious adherents.

"Scholars like Dr. Collins and Mr. Noll, and publications like Books & Culture, Sojourners and The Christian Century, offer an alternative to the self-anointed leaders. They recognize that the Bible does not condemn evolution and says next to nothing about gay marriage. "

Setting aside the idea that Sojourners is a beacon of intellectualism, that last bit is bizarre. The bible repeatedly condemns homosexuality. Insofar as condemning homosexual behavior implicitly condemns the practice of gay marriage, such that there really should be any need to elucidate the connection, this seems intentionally obtuse.

"But when the faith of so many Americans becomes an occasion to embrace discredited, ridiculous and even dangerous ideas, we must not be afraid to speak out, even if it means criticizing fellow Christians."

Yeah, this work was a veritable profile in courage. I'm sure it will be subject to scrutiny by those who would otherwise support Giberson, and so he will lose stature as a result of confronting his fear. Hmmm... It appears it has been linked to and universally lauded across the Internet. Never mind.

There are, indeed, Christian intellectuals across the ideological and theological spectrums. Tim Keller (Bucknell) is one. Greg Boyd (Yale) is another. Kurt Wise (University of Chicago) is another, and happens to believe some of those aforementioned dangerous ideas. They are intelligent men who address the full force of their opponents arguments, rather than taking to the opinion pages to excoriate them.

Karl Giberson (Eastern Nazarene College... Is that even accredited?) is a gadfly, a faux intellect who leverages the mere fact of his paradoxical ideas to garner acclaim for himself. Contemporary culture adores gadflies. History forgets them.

There's a reason for that.

Monday Musings: Occupied!

2011-10-17T12:36:00.002-05:00

I'm back. I think. I have a college degree and opinions, so everyone should listen to me, or so I am told.

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I have been told that Occupy Wall Street is not a socialist or communist movement, and that this criticism is unfair and/or point missing. But why? Consider:

1) This movement is the brainchild of AdBusters, an anti-business organization out of Canada.
2) It's leaders and speakers are socialists and communists, by and large.
3) It's loose agenda, if enacted in it's present form, will require a $10-20 trillion investment by the federal government, matching our GDP in its entirety.
4) From it's anti-capitalist roots, it now draws the majority of its funding from the labor movement.
5) The name of the movement evokes the idea of the people taking arms against free enterprise.

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, has the anatomy and physiology of a duck, behaves like a duck, and mates with other ducks, is it really so untoward to call it a duck?

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A common complaint of the OWS movement is the combination of high student loans and unemployment. Many graduates were sold on the idea earning a college degree was the path to employment.

In fairness, our government conspired with the education industry to sell these kids a bill of goods. Now that everyone with a pulse also has a degree, the possession of one has become as essential as it is inessential.

The problem is this. Too many post-secondary institutions are taking tuition dollars from students pursuing degrees that are irrelevant to the job market. Often, these degrees are interdisciplinary, which has a number of benefits. In addition for allowing for a greater variety of courses, interdisciplinary degrees conveniently relieve the student of the burden of taking the more advanced courses in each subject.

In good economic times, students reconcile themselves to degrees in, say, Peace Studies (yes, that's a thing) by convincing themselves employers want well-rounded employees. Besides, they are learning the critical thinking skills necessary to be an outstanding global citizen.

A few problems. If your ideas and presuppositions are never challenged, and these programs are tailor-made to coalesce with youthful ideals, you never learn to think critically. There is a difference between critical thinking and simply having an opinion.

Further, if you do not possess a skill, your critical thinking will have no forum. In truth, Wall Street is "occupied" by those who have a strong grasp of economics. If you do not understand economic systems, nobody will call upon you to shape them. No amount of protesting is going to get you a spot at the big table. You cannot annex business in this country (yet).

If these graduates do not feel empowered by the current system, it is because they misunderstand the nature of power. In a free market, knowledge is power, and if you majored in gender studies, you probably don't have any.

The fact is, plumbers are more valuable than kids who have strong opinions about gender equality. When was the last time you looked in the phone book for someone who could write a thesis?

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To which, perhaps that explains why Occupy is so opposed to capitalism. In capitalism, nobody is really valued for ideas and philosophies. Capitalism is an accomplishment-based platform. It does not measure good intentions. The only way to tip the scales is to create a big government fiefdom, nurturing and preserving those with big ideas about how to shape society, and enforcing the collective wisdom of the gender-studies types by fiat.

History suggests these government enclaves gradually consolidate power. After all, critical thinking about society is work far more noble than unclogging toilets, and should be empowered accordingly. It should be obvious why this is dangerous, and why it worries conservatives, but I'm not sure it is to some people.

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I find in galling the mere assertion Tea Party activists were speaking in racist "code" was sufficient to label the movement as bigoted, but actual, on-camera outbursts of anti-Semitism are not supposed to be indicative of the whole.

As well, Tea Partiers were accused of "incivility" and inciting violence on the basis of, well, nothing. Meanwhile, Occupy Wall Street has literally engaged in violence, and we're supposed to ignore that fact and look to the aims of the broader movement.

I know the media has its biases, but don't expect me to take you or your ideas very seriously as a person if you claimed the Tea Party had blood on its hands, but let Occupy off scot-free.

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Not that I take calls to civility seriously anyway.

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That's it. Breaking three months of baby-induced blog-silence was enough. Now back to your day jobs (or lack thereof, if you are occupying).

Monday Musings: U2 Edition

2011-07-25T08:38:00.003-05:00

Bono has risen. The orphans are saved!!! Let's muse.

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I'll readily admit that U2 isn't my favorite band. War was one of my favorite albums, and I learned to like the hits through Achtung Baby. I think Hold Me, Thrill Me et al... Is one of the better songs crafted for a film.

Still, you'd have to be something this side of an insufferable ass not to enjoy this concert. Lot's of pretty lights. Also, it rained, which was perfect because every one of U2's songs has the word 'rain' in it.

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If the idea behind banning booze and tailgating prior to, and during, the U2 concert was to discourage drunkenness, it was a miserable failure. The entire crowd smelled like hard liquor (I saw more than one flask) and pot.

Setting aside the debious merits of outsourcing consumption control to Sally's and Buffalo Wild Wings, if you treat people like children, they will behave as children. We dined at Tea House (best restaurant on campus, imo), and people were double-fisting Heinekens in the parking lot.

Memo to university officials: We are not your students, but taxpayers. Not only do we pay your (bloated) salary, we also bought your damn stadium. Alcohol is legal in this country, so...

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Case in point, the douche bag standing in front of us. To which, why does this breed of cat always demand high-five when inebriated? Every song, the guy needed high-five. It's a concert. Are you surprised that they are singing a song? Is that an accomplishment to be celebrated?

Is it insecurity? Like, maybe you know you're being an ass, because you are one, and, in a rare moment of introspection reach deep into the nothing that is your vapid existence and feel the need to reach out for human touch just to prove you are alive?

Also, what the hell do these people do for a living that they can afford $100 concert tickets? Mortgage broker? That's my guess.

Naturally, once the rain came, he was quick to remove his shirt.

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re: logistics - TCF Bank Stadium is not ready for prime time.

Security was scarily absent. Fine, since this is U2, and the crowd was mostly folks in their 50s reliving their youths and mortgage brokers. If there's a hip-hop concert, I'm staying far away.

Traffic control was almost non-existent. The shuttle service after the concert was abysmal, with multi-hour waits to a single parking lot.

Admonishments (via the press) to be patient were well-heeded, mostly because people had just zenned out to the oracle of rock. People aren't going to have the patience for that going forward. If they are waiting for Light Rail to bail them out, it isn't nearly enough, not least of which because light rail causes as many traffic snarls as it relieves.

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On the topic of world peace and right and (maybe?) starvation, Bono is clearly passionate, but also incoherent. If you weren't already savvy to what is happening in Burma, you got no useful information.

Just... Care about Burma really hard... Okay?

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They played Thrill me, Kill Me! I could just hear the collective snarls of the U2 die-hards. Part of me wished they'd ended on that note, just to piss of everyone who had the shakes for that Dream of Surrender song.

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I'm surprised the stadium survived the collective flushing of 60,000 toilets during the Zooropa portion of the evening. Douche guy even stopped giving high-fives.

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Bono!

Satire 202

2011-06-28T11:20:00.002-05:00

I've mentioned the quasi-religious Karen Spears Zacharias (think of a white Oprah) and her tenuous grasp of comedy before. In fact, I'll just go ahead and revisit it. To Karen and her squirrel-brained readers, this is funny:

What matters to Americans is that Sarah Palin has great hair and a taut body even after birthing all those kids. That Todd, he’s sure a lucky fella. Wink.Wink. Nudge. Nudge.
Sarah Palin is the new pin-up girl for Alaska and all things American.
She’s the female version of George W. Bush.
She hasn’t read a book since Spot got ran over.
She thinks analytical is a brain disorder to be avoided.

You see what she did there, with Spot, the dog, who was featured in a children's book. It's a literary reference. This was written late last year, so she gets extra points for keeping it current.

You can read the rest if you like. No? Your loss. Oh, and she had the audacity to write this:

I’m bone tired of the snarky and the snide — aren’t you?

I boggle.

Today, Spears turns her irony-free gaze upon the bestseller "Go the F--- to Sleep", which takes aim and children viz. their unwillingness to perform the titular activity. The book is certainly ribald, but also observant and, really, trifling.

Not so, says the highly-disputed queen of comedy. Via CNN, she writes that:

Nobody is suggesting that there's a connection between Adam Mansbach's book and child abuse or child neglect. Still, there's no denying the reason "Go the F*** to Sleep" should be kept out of reach of children is because of its violent language and because of the way it demeans children.

Um, no, it should be kept out of reach of children because it has child-inappropriate language in it, just as a Jonathan Franzen novel should be kept out of reach of children.

She continues, by way of some Doctor:

"Imagine if this were written about Jews, blacks, Muslims or Latinos," says Dr. David Arredondo. He is an expert on child development and founder of The Children's Program, in the San Francisco metropolitan area, which provides consultation and training for those working with troubled youths.

Well, if you replace children with "blacks" or "Jews" in any context, you'll arrive at some squeamish results.

Ugh, the blacks threw a temper tantrum when I wouldn't buy them a candy bar, but I told them they already had a cookie. And then I come home to find the Latinos throwing pancake mix on the floor while my wife was taking a nap.

www.sh*tmyjewsruined.com is still available, if you're interested in perpetuating this meme.

Zacharias then, weirdly, goes on to lament the disappearance of the practice of reading to our children. That's all well in good, but hardly the fault of the author of this book. Her argument culminates as follows:

The violent language of "Go the F*** to Sleep" is not the least bit funny, when one considers how many neglected children fall asleep each night praying for a parent who'd care enough to hold them, nurture them and read to them.

But, to be clear, mocking "mama Palin" who is, by all accounts, a good mother, his hi-freaking-larious.

Look, if there is a serious issue with "Go the F--- to Sleep" (aside from the crass content), it is the underlying issue. Parents simply will not enforce the discipline necessary to get their kids to go to sleep. That, of course, is a different issue.

Pretending that toddlers are somehow a marginalized group (note: if you cannot wipe yourself, and do not have a disability, I will marginalize you) is the stuff of someone so inanely self-serious that she is no position to dictate what is funny.

Stick to recycling Sarah Palin jokes, sweetie, and let the funny people do funny.

Wait, one more... From her Christmas wish list:

Sarah Palin. Duct Tape. I can think of 50 Ways to put it to good use in the Palin household.

Because Palin should be quiet. Oh, for fun...

Monday Musings

2011-06-26T19:39:00.005-05:00

Everything's on fire or underwater... Let's sweat the small stuff.

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Sometimes it sucks being the guy who over-analyzes everything. For example, sportswriters have hailed the Detroit Pistons' draft night as a victory. The reason? They drafted a point guard at the eight spot who was projected to go as high as third in the draft.

Only, the point guard in question, Brandon Knight, has yet to demonstrate that he can shoot or pass very well. Most are willing to overlook this inconvenient fact and talk about his "basketball IQ" (a non-falsifiable appellation that makes me cringe) and his team's final four run.

If I were the type to overlook information when forming opinions, I'd have a few months of happiness for myself before the anguish. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

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New York passed legislation legalizing gay marriage this weekend. I don't really care much either way. My position is that government-endorsed marriage should cease to be, as it ceases to have any societal value once you factor in at-will divorce.

However, I am equally certain that gay interest groups will overplay their hand, especially in New York. From a Machiavellian perspective, I hope they do. Let's have a national conversation about whether a church must perform a gay ceremony, or whether scripture constitutes "hate speech". Then, let citizens in the rest of the country decide what it wants to do with marriage.

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But can't government use common sense to balance civil and religious liberty? Consider...

It is TSA policy to ask 95-year-old women to remove their adult diapers as part of a standard search.

So, no...

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Someone got paid to write that policy. If you are part of the half of America that pays income taxes, YOU paid someone to write that policy.

To which, if you don't make enough money to pay taxes, on what basis should I care about your thoughts on the economy? To possibly misquote Anton Chgur, if your rules got you here, what is the point of your rule?

Look at your choices before you start making mine.

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Certain people are fond of saying that Christ was political. The idea goes like this... The mere ACT of proclaiming himself as Lord (above Caesar) had political implications. This is true as far as it goes, but it's a bit obtuse. Jesus didn't proclaim himself Lord for the purpose of being political, but for the purpose of getting people to follow him. He would have said the same thing in any context.

To use the "politics of Jesus" to advance a partisan cause is wholly disingenuous. Just because you claim to be a Christian, and have opinions about politics, does not mean you are channeling Christ when you take a political stance. He is God; you are not, and so are thusly burdened with mounting an intellectual defense of your ideas.

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Also, if you are merely noting that Christ was political simply because he did things, because doing things is what politics is, you are producing words for the sake of doing so.

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Dear Internet: tax cuts and tax credits are different things.

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Cosmos has a new chef, and he is very good indeed. We celebrated our five year anniversary there on Friday. Highlights of our meal included a pitch-perfect rabbit risotto, a mezze course that pops in your mouth, and a panna cotta that actually tastes good. Five courses (plus amuse and mezze) for $45 is a great deal in that space.

And the space is beautiful, if not perhaps a bit intimidating.

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Victory 44 won the City Pages award for Best Burger. Great burger, but that's wrong. The reuben, however, is still off the charts.

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I've been hearing this more and more lately, but I am shocked at the degree to which downtown has deteriorated in the last couple of years. It was never a picnic, but it is clear that city leadership has not made the safety of citizens downtown a priority. There is no excuse for this.

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Speaking of, my friend told me the story of his brother, whose truck was stolen in broad daylight. The kids who stole the truck used it to shoplift from a nearby store. The owner decided to let them go. The police then pulled over the vehicle for a traffic violation, found that the driver had no license or registration, but let them go.

The then-ruined truck was towed, requiring the owner to pay for repairs and for the towing fee.

So yeah, I can maybe see why downtown has gone to hell.

Weekly musings

2011-06-21T19:38:00.004-05:00

I can muse on days other than Monday, dammit. Nobody puts TPWK in a box!

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I am seldom as irate as I pretend to be on this blog, but this story renders me so.

The (paternal) grandmother of a child noticed red marks on the child's buttocks, and so naturally decided to take the child to the emergency room. As a result, the police arrested the mother, and charged her with child abuse. Turns out (gasp!) spanking was involved.

Spanking a two-year-old? Of course, everyone in the courtroom had a good laugh and sent the family on its way.

Nope. The mother was sentenced to five years probation, and has lost custody of her children, per Judge Jose Longoria. Check the video in the link above, where he scolds the mother, saying "we don't spank".

Regardless of your views on spanking (and if you are a parent, I know damn well you have spanked your children) I defy you to watch the video of that judge and his condescending little spiel and not feel violent urges. I hope someone is setting up a fund to defeat Judge Longoria in 2012. I pledge $50. For real.

For the record, spanking is legal in Texas. The judge and prosecutors apparently decided to invent a law on the fly. That's dangerous in general, but especially when applied stupidly.

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If Rick Perry does not speak out on the above, I see no reason to support his candidacy for president. He won't, and that's telling.

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In positive news, Meg Tuthill decided to table her ridiculous anti-patio ordinance before last Friday's city council meeting. She claims she had the votes, but the vociferous opposition from her fellow council members seems to indicate otherwise.

Instead, she will form a panel or something. A real profile in courage, that chick.

I'd love to see our city council actually focus on issues that are important.
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Wife and I planned to check out Tilia on Saturday. This restaurant is part of a trend (following in the footsteps of The Cheesecake Factory) of not taking reservations. Because, you know, the food is so damn awesome that you, the great unwashed, should be perfectly content to wait for it.

Per the website, customers should be willing to wait between 5-60 minutes during peak times. Customers are encouraged to visit the restaurant after 8p.

So we did, arriving at a quarter-to-nine, requesting a two-top. Suggested wait time: 75 minutes.

This is ridiculous. My wife and I go out to eat because we want to enjoy ourselves, not because we want to wait, in jubilant expectation, for whatever some (theoretically) brilliant chef decides to throw at us.

Apparently, this trend is catching on in other cities. Restaurant owners are quick to call it "democratic". Hogwash. Waiting in line for food is a hallmark of fascist states. If you can cajole your useful idiots into doing your bidding, and sell them alcohol in the process, more power to you.

As for me, I can do waiting by myself, thanks.

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That's your news for today. Stay away from tornadoes, kids.

ATMs FTW

2011-06-14T22:31:00.004-05:00

Quick huddle on economics, k? Billy, you listening? Billy!

Good...

So here's the deal. There is a direct correlation between your financial status and your buying power. We agree on this, right? If you can buy things, you are doing well. If you cannot, you are not, economically speaking.

To which, your salary is only relevant in context. If you make $175,000 per year, but a car costs $150,000, you are probably poor. Similarly, if you make $30,000, while a car costs $600, you are probably rich.

But also, if you make $175,000 per year, but cannot buy a car, because cars do not yet exist, then you are also, in a sense, poor. In a sense, poor Americans of today are far wealthier than the rich denizens of bygone eras. Would you rather have a castle or internet access and indoor plumbing?

And so, when Barack Obama blames ATMs for job losses (or cites them as endemic of a broader trend, or whatever... I don't want to split hairs) he is doing so out of ignorance. ATMs are a luxury, for which we pay very little. These marvels of technology allow us to access our money whenever we need it.

As such, they improve our lives, and give we mere citizens more bang for our buck.

Obama is reverting to the old liberal mentality that automation is bad because it replaces the good old American worker. This is facile. I would note that, while many sectors are badly hurting, banking is not one of them.

Innovation makes our lives better. If robots could do everything, from harvesting food to getting us to and fro, we wouldn't need money. We'd be set. We would, of course, need people to fix the robots, and we would have to find a way to compensate them. They would be extremely well-off, the robot fixing people.

But robots can't do everything, and so we have to compensate people to do all sorts of things. That's how our economy works.

Easy access to my money means I can go shop or buy a skateboard, or upgrade my swans in farmville or whatever. That creates jobs. Machines that dispense money must be maintained by skilled employees. That creates jobs. The existence of ATMs gives young people a compelling reason to open a bank account. That creates jobs.

So, let's be clear. Automation does not kill jobs. Lack of purchasing power kills jobs.

Leave ATMs alone, dummy.

Jesus never had to beg the question...

2011-06-14T01:10:00.005-05:00

Phil Haslanger has this to say:

Jesus never said anything about collective bargaining.

Correct.

He never called for the continuation of the Earned Income Tax Credit for low-income workers.

Yep.

He never addressed giving tax breaks to corporations.

Sure didn't.

There’s been quite a push from the faith community this year, you may have noticed.

Yeah, I guess.

That demonstration spilled over into the Capitol hallways as the Joint Finance Committee moved toward concluding its work on the budget even as protesters periodically disrupted the proceedings.

Unlike Jesus, who did nothing of the sort.

In a society where people hold differing religious beliefs or none at all, it’s not like a religious argument ought to be used as a trump card in public policy debates.

But let's do it anyway.

The standard pushback is that when Jesus said people should care for the poor, he was talking about individual acts of charity and not about governmental programs that take everyone’s tax dollars whether they want to help the poor or not.

No. The standard pushback is that your ideas do not help the poor. Also, Jesus would not use the term "pushback".

That overlooks another theme that runs alongside of charity in the Bible — it’s a call to justice.

The standard pushback, either Haslanger's or mine, does no such thing.

When a Jewish man named Zacchaeus was collecting taxes for the Romans and taking a nice cut for himself, he encountered Jesus and was so moved that he promised to pay back four times all he had defrauded and give half of his wealth to the poor. Another story of justice.

The poor don't pay any taxes in this country, so...

Consider this line from Isaiah, the prophet of old, speaking in God’s voice to the leaders of that era: “It is you who have devoured the vineyard; the spoil of the poor is in your houses. What do you mean by crushing my people, by grinding the face of the poor?”

Now that I have considered the admonition not to grind the face of the poor, I am now persuaded that public sector employees, who make over $50k per year on average, plus sterling benefits, must have the right to bargain collectively. Good point.

This goes beyond simply donating to a food pantry. It means paying attention to the way society is structured. In Jesus’ day, when the Romans occupied the land, the only route to help the poor was to create alternative structures.

Of course, the Roman Empire built itself.

They start with a recognition of the inherent dignity of each person that emerges from the Bible,

Except for the unborn. F@#$ them. Not Jesusy enough, fetuses.

That’s why there has been so much more action by Christians and people of other faith traditions in the past few months around the proposals of Gov. Scott Walker.

Jesus must be dragged into this, because he agrees with everyone, no matter what they believe.*

Those proposals tilt the balance away from that vision of a just society toward one that caters to the wealthy and enshrines private gain over the common good.

Can we coin a phrase for when Christians simply assert Christ is on their side to paper over intellectual gaps in their ideology?

Ralph: So, at some point, we need to consider whether we can sustain our entitlements without fundamentally altering our economy.
James: Isaiah warned us about grinding the face of the poor.
Ralph: Excuse me?
James: Jesus would overturn your table and whip you.
Ralph: The hell? I'm trying to have an adult conv...
James: Love wins, bitch!
Ralph: You've changed, man.

It’s exactly the kind of thing that provoked the ire of Hebrew prophets and that man from Nazareth named Jesus.

Told you so. Let's construct a syllogism:

1) Christ never said anything about collective bargaining.
2) Christ cared about people.
3) Therefore, Christ supports collective bargaining for public sector employees.

Let me play:

1) Christ never said anything about ninjas.
2) Christ loved children.
3) Therefore, Christ compels ninjas to wear green.

Also, what is the point of referring to Christ as "that man from Nazareth named Jesus"? It's not like Haslanger established that as a rhetorical device. Like, it would have made sense if this were a piece about the humanity of Jesus, and how he came from somewhere. But, mostly, it looks like Haslanger realized he hadn't argued anything, and so was left without any material for a concluding paragraph.

* - Unless you are a conservative. F!@# conservatives. Not Jesusy enough.

On basketball and Christianity

2011-06-13T11:21:00.001-05:00

Melty Monday Musings

2011-06-06T09:48:00.003-05:00

Minnesota, where "Spring? What Spring?" Happens. Let's muse.

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Regular readers know I hold the Minneapolis Inspections department in low regard. There is a reason for this.

Last week, a tree trimmer from Hastings, Mike Haege, answered R.T. Rybak's call to volunteer in the aftermath of the North Minneapolis tornado. He went around, helping chop up trees for trapped residents.

Not so fast, said some city inspector lackey, who insisted he be licensed in the city of Minneapolis before being allowed to chop up any trees in the city (Mr. Haege is licensed in Hastings). Never mind that Haege wasn't charging for his services and was registered with a volunteer organization, or that our police officers presumably had a million better things to do than drive away a good samaritan.

They literally did just that, and the inspections department leveled a $275 fine to boot.

I put a call into the city, and spoke with Henry Reimer, who explained that, after last year's tornado, numerous contractors came along to bilk the elderly out of their money. I asked if Mr. Haege was charging anything. No, so what was the point?

Reimer explained that Mr. Haege was advertising his services. I asked if he was passing out fliers or business cards, and Reimer said no, but that Haege's company name was all over his truck and his equipment.

At that point, I'm pretty sure even Reimer didn't even believe his own bullshit, so he recalibrated. It was a safety issue, Reimer explained. We can't just have volunteers running around "willy-nilly" (his word) after a disaster. Then, and this is the city's official line in the press, it was explained that he was in the wrong zone. See, he was only allowed to chop up trees in certain zones.

So will he drop the fine? Nope. Mr. Haege will have the opportunity to drive back up to the cities to appeal the decision in the City Inspections' Kangaroo Court.

No, seriously, the city is NOT dropping the fine.

Oh, and if that whole zoning thing sounds like a fabrication, that's because it is. When bureaucrats feel comfortable lying to the press and to citizens, it's time for reform.

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Of course, the inspections department and police can be forgiven for piddling with licensing issues. I mean, it's not like this is happening. You're doing a heck of a job, Brownie.

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A bit off-topic, but this quote from Ben Post in the Strib is, well...

"People were super ramped up to help, and frankly there wasn't much to do," he said. "The hard part is, I'm sure people were asking volunteers for help in those areas. But if we just released 600 people into the neighborhood, it would have been a nightmare."

I. Have. No. Words.

Dear Urban Homeworks, never let Ben Post talk to anyone, much less the press, again. Ever. Seriously.

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From the French:

" the punishment incurred – 74 years in jail – also seems inconceivable in our country. 'It is very difficult for us to understand, but we have to avoid judging the Americans, their sense of justice is linked to their culture', the Honorary First President of the Paris Appellate Court Jean-Claude Magendie warns.’"

This is intended condescendingly. For those who aren't aware, the prevailing attitude among the French people is that it is an absolute travesty that an esteemed Socialist should be held against his will for the petty "crime" of having a bit of fun with a peasant.

This is the country that provided safe haven for a pedophile, the justice of which, I sense, is strongly linked to their culture, or lack thereof.

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After eight years of myopically driving the New York Times into financial irrelevance, Bill Keller is out as Editor in Chief. This tidbit, from his interview with Media Matters, a left-wing media "fact-checking" outlet:

People say, 'Well Fox claims to be fair and balanced, but they're not. You claim to be fair and balanced, you must not be either.' And so all news organizations, including the ones that try very hard to play fair and to be even-handed in their reporting and writing get tarred by the Fox brush."

Really? People say that? I have never heard anyone say that. What people say is that Fox News is an inherently conservative outlet. Some people say that this is in response to the demonstrated bias of the New York Times. Others (whose political beliefs accord with those of the demonstrated bias of the NYT) do not.

That's okay. According to the new editor, the New York Times is worthy of religious idolatry, so it's long track record of being hopelessly out of touch is sure to come to an end.

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In more positive news, I can safely report that Evergreen Chinese is as good as ever. They have more prominently labelled the "self-serve" fridge as such, the existence of which should put this at the top of the list of great restaurants to dine with kids. Snuck some seaweed knots and spicy cucumber salad as a run-up to the always excellent lemongrass mock beef.

Why we're fat: Part II - Cooking

2011-06-01T13:33:00.007-05:00

From generation to generation, Americans pass along the tradition of being completely and utterly incapable of producing a proper meal. For a nation that has hundreds of cooking magazines, thousands of cookbooks, and even entire television stations devoted to the practice of cooking, it is staggering how few people can actually do it.

This makes us fat. When you aren't cooking for yourself, you are eating something that someone has prepared for you. That someone, be it Stouffers or PF Changs, is driven by consumer demand. Consumers demand affordability and efficiency, but also something that tastes better than their own godawful cooking.

Thanks to the government, corn syrup and sugar (more on those later) are remarkably cheap and efficient. Because it is a byproduct, fat is pretty much cheap on its own. Because most people are raised on a diet of basically donuts, and because we can't cook, we assume that Stouffers and PF Changs are the standard bearers.

If you eat Stouffers and PF Changs on a regular basis, you are fat, or should be. So why can't we cook? Some reasons:

Stove settings

The vast majority of stove top cooking exercises go something like this. Cook starts with the stove on high. Stuff starts to sizzle and boil and look unstable generally. Cook turns stove down to whatever setting remedies this problem. Cook leaves kitchen. Food sits in pan for 55 minutes.

This is the proper way to prepare no dish I am aware of. The end result is often burnt, usually dry and always flavorless.

Why do people cook like this? They equate high heat with efficiency. Stuff cooks faster when the stove is hotter. It can also catch fire, and everyone knows that's bad, so they over-correct. People also overcook because they are terrified of...

Undercooking

Most people know two things about cooking. Fire is bad, and under-cooking makes you sick. Both are true, as far as it goes. But the result is that people err on the side of food safety... Big time.

People also apply this scrupulous attitude to food safety, out of habit, to items that can be consumed raw, like vegetables, or items that only need searing, like steaks. Habit becomes custom, and people begin to expect soggy vegetables, rubbery eggs and gray meat. Show the average person a properly prepared grass fed steak, and they will assume the thing is crawling with worms.

Seafood is the most frequent victim of our overcooked neuroses, which is too bad, because it is as healthy as it is ruined by overcooking.

Undersalting

Americans are weird about salt. We will blissfully consume it by the truckload via packaged foods, yet get all dainty when adding it to our cooking.

The reason for this, I think, is the physics of the salt shaker, which we generally use to season food once it has been prepared. The addition of a trace amount of salt on top of a prepared item radically changes the flavor profile.

Not so prior to heating. It takes two tablespoons (yes, tablespoons) added to boiling water to properly cook a pot of pasta. That's an awful lot of shaking, and feels indulgent and dangerous.

Salt is the most important seasoning on Earth. A good rule of thumb is to sprinkle in some salt with the addition of EVERY ingredient in a meal. Our unwillingness to add proper amounts of it to our food goes a long way toward explaining why we don't like our own cooking, and why we savor even the most mediocre of chain restaurant food.

More on salt

Part of the reason we don't add it is because we think of salt as unhealthy. We put it in the same category as sugar. The reason for this is that high salt diets tend also to be high fat and sugar diets. Correlation is not causation. Unless you suffer from hypertension, in which case the remote possibility that salt is a contributing factor, is reason enough to cut down, don't worry about salt.

Mistreatment of vegetables

I hope whoever invented the idea of steaming a bunch of vegetables and calling it a side dish is rotting in hell right now, because they have contributed to the early demise of millions of people. Steamed vegetables taste like pencils. Boiled vegetables taste like pencils, but also smell like goat farts.

Thanks to the anti-fat craze, and our penchant for letting the perfect get in the way of the possible, people are hesitant to "ruin" their vegetables by adding cooking oil and sauteeing them (or adding salt, for that matter). Never mind that, for example, asparagus sauteed in oil has about 200 calories, while a burger and fries have 1,500.

And don't get me started on non-fat salad dressing.

Monster grocery runs

In order to save time, we tend to buy our groceries all at once. That means that whatever we buy has to last as much as two weeks on the shelf. Chicken pot pies (the least healthy thing you can possibly eat) and tortilla chips (a close second) last forever. Avocados, not so much. You can't cook if you don't have ingredients.

Crappy recipes

Recipes are everywhere. On the internet, on TV, in magazines, in pregnancy books. Most recipes fall into one of three categories: Disgusting, impossible to execute outside of an industrial kitchen, or simply inaccurate.

I don't know why people feel compelled to share recipes that don't work. After awhile, you learn to figure out who's full of crap (hint: they are fond of throwing salad dressings into their food, and do not recommend seasonings other than garlic powder). Then there's the people who use the term teaspoon and tablespoon interchangeably. The latter being three times the size of the former, that's kind of a big deal.

And, let's face it, the average person doesn't have time to track down kaffir lime leaves. amchur powder, and pork hocks. And if it requires braising or broiling, forget about it.

Here's what happens, people scour their favorite resources for recipes, until they find one that looks nice and simple. They invest the time to make a recipe, and 80% of the time it tastes like crap. Next time, Arbys.

If everyone were issued a copy of Joy of Cooking, I'm convinced we would weigh, on average, at least one pound less.

Idiotic cooking devices

The George Foreman Grill... Making chicken and turkey burgers taste like cigarettes since 1994.

Why we're fat: An exhausting analysis: Part 1

2011-05-31T10:17:00.003-05:00

Have you heard of obesity? It's a real problem here in America. Everyone has a solution to the problem it turns out. That solution, per the internet, is to hate corn syrup with as passion as one can muster, eat cayenne pepper, lemons and legumes, and spend lot's of money on school lunch programs.

Alternately, we could have a sincere discussion about how and why people are obese. That won't generate votes, justify food subsidies, or land Chartwells any sweetheart government deals, but it might yield solutions.

The truth is, the sheer volume of reasons why we are fat require a treatise. So that's what I'm gonna write.

Reason 1: We hate our children, or behave as though we do

Consider a typical child's day of eating.

Breakfast: Cereal that tastes like donuts, juice.
AM Snack 1: Milk, cookie.
AM Snack 2: Fruit, juice.
Lunch: Sandwich that tastes like a donut, chocolate milk, chips.
Lunch dessert: Chips, juice.
PM Snack 1: Yogurt that tastes like ice cream.
Dinner: Mac and cheese that tastes like salty donuts, milk.
Dessert: Ice cream that tastes like yogurt. Sprinkles.
For no reason at all: Candy
Bedtime snack: Crackers, cheese, milk.

So, basically, eight desserts, an absurd amount of dairy, and some junk food. Why do parents do this? How did we get here?

The FDA

Remember the food pyramid, which posited a diet built on a bedrock of grains and dairy? It was on the wall of every science classroom in the country, giving it an air of objective authority. There was no science behind it, of course... It was negotiated between the various farm lobbies and the FDA. Of course, the good people of General Mills were more than happy to disseminate this "information", though they failed to sell parents on the idea of purple horseshoes as a fruit.

And milk? Milk has calcium, which does a body good, builds strong bones, and keeps your teeth from falling out. After all, bones are made of calcium, right? Good enough for the dairy industry to sell the FDA, as though there was epidemic of children shattering their hips during recess.

Thing is, though, studies conclude that children are fine consuming 300-400 mg of calcium per day. Even in America, where the dairy industry still more or less sets dietary guidelines, children only need 800 mg. Calcium is toxic for children in doses above 2000 mg. 1 cup (not glass) of milk has 300 mg. So the diet above, in addition to being a nutritional disaster otherwise, also delivers a toxic dose of calcium.

Picky Eaters

Of course, kids would do just fine getting their calcium from vegetables. For some reason, though, kids don't like them, and will notoriously reject foods if they are told they contain vegetables. The appropriate parental response to this predicament, of course, is "tough shit, kiddo. Eat it or starve," but that fell out of vogue...

...Right about when my parents started raising children. As such, we have now a generation of new parents who cannot, themselves, tolerate vegetables (more on that later). One can scarcely compel his children to eat that which he will not eat himself, and the whole task of compelled consumption is so unseemly, not to mention arduous.

Of course, it's hard to expect kids to eat broccoli when they know you will give them salty donuts in a box. Kids are stupid at most things, but prove to be tactical geniuses when it comes to the procurement of food they enjoy.

Yogurt and Juice

Do parents ever wonder why it is their kids like these items so much? It's not the vitamin A.

Snacks before bed

Child does not want to go to bed. Child pretends she is hungry. Parents oblige with crackers. Child then pretends to be thirsty. Parents oblige with milk. Parents wonder why child wets the bet and where she learned to lie to her parents.

Let's end this madness, eh?

Dining out

Most parents can't cook worth a lick (more on that later), and so their children learn that the only good food comes from restaurants, either in the form of fast food or kiddie menus. Of course, all of this food is salty, chemical laden trash, served in ridiculous quantities, and so this becomes the standard against which all meals should be measured.

Peer Pressure

The slim minority of parents who work diligently to feed their kids healthy food are met with a veritable tidal wave of tut-tutting from parents who think the mere fact of being pre-pubescent entitles kids to eat pre-fab glop at all hours of the day. I've seen people literally go out of their way to provide junk food to these kids when their parents aren't around.

See, one way or another, people internalize their relationship with food. For most Americans, food is one of the few things that makes them happy. Most people grew up eating junk, and junk is what made them happy. Any parents opting for a different paradigm are seen as judgmental. Imagine if someone said "I want to raise my kids so they don't turn out like YOU."

Others, grandparents in particular, simply feel it is their responsibility to spoil children. Candy is an affordable way to do so.

Grocery store tantrums

Because they are run by opportunistic pricks, most major grocery stores do their able best to put expensive junk food items in easy reach of children (unless state law forbids them to do so). This gives kids the ultimate trump card in their quest to eat delicious food, the in-store tantrum. Embarrassed parents make absurd purchases in order to quiet their little scream-bags, who consequently learn that screaming = gratification.

By my lights, a child screaming sounds better than the strained silence of acquiescence.

Next up - Reason 2: Cooking anxiety

Tim Pawlenty is Boring

2011-05-23T20:05:00.002-05:00

So yeah, this is pretty funny. T-Paw is a bit boring, and Barack Obama is exciting...

Let's use the analogy of a party. Tim Pawlenty is the guy who sticks to the kitchen, and maybe helps mix drinks. He might pop out to check on the dip, and he'll open up once things settle down. Maybe he joins in a bit of late-night poker.

Obama's the "friend of a friend" (hereinafter: FOAF) who everyone saw leave at about 9p after chugging two PBRs, but who re-emerges at 1a, completely bombed. He isn't really loud, but he has this manic look in his eye, and makes a couple really weird comments to the women that are probably intended sexually.

Then he knocks back three shots and everyone's kinda like "I don't think you should be having anymore, dude", and people kind of would like to leave, because FOAF has ruined the mood, but nobody wants to leave T-Paw alone to deal with the guy.

Then FOAF's like "!@#$ it, I'm inviting Pickle and Rocco", and someone makes a "hey we're kinda winding down here, so... you know..." type of statement, completely ignored by FOAF, who texts them a message. Then there's dead silence, and he reaches for the rum, and T-Paw's like "okay, you've had enough man," and FOAF mocks him like "bleh, bleh, you've had enough man!!!" and pulls a flask out of his pocket and everyone's like "seriously, dude?"

Then FOAF starts trying to disconnect the DVD player for some reason, and everyone wonders what he's doing, and he gets offended, like it's an affront that a guy shouldn't be able to walk into a house and disconnect a DVD player. Then, Pickle shows up (Rocco stays in the car, which is ominous) and screams out "dude, nice TV... Remember when FDR got on the TV after the stock market crash and talked to the moon??? ROCK THE !@#$ OUT DELAWARE!!! I'M A GIANT ANT FARM"...

Suddenly, people are muttering aloud about calling the cops, when FOAF apologies, and works to settle everyone down, and the two huddle in the corner of the room. T-Paw starts cleaning while a few people sip some water, sober up, and strike up a philosophical conversation.

Suddenly, Pickle is like "!@#$ this Harvard crap, let's get janged!", and nobody knows what "janged" even means, but he whips out a baggie of coke, to which, it's not like nobody there has ever done cocaine, but that was in college, and now everyone's at least 30 and has jobs, and one guy is like "I'm an Elementary School principal... I'm pretty sure I'm required to report this."

Then, suddenly, FOAF pulls a knife, and Pickle has to hold him back, which is exactly the opposite of how anyone thought that scenario would play out, and Pickle starts whispering "come on man, this is a big !@#$in' deal... Stand down man... Let it him be a little !@#$%".

And so they leave and everyone is weirded out, and T-Paw's kind of shaking, but his friends tell him its cool, and they still had a great time, and really respected how he stood up to that guy, cause Arne Carlson never would have had the balls.

The next day, a bunch of CDs and a purse are missing from the porch, and everyone pretty much knows who took it, but the police can't do anything because there isn't really any evidence, and so T-Paw helps the lady cancel her credit cards, wondering aloud how it was possible for someone that drunk to hit not one, but three strip clubs before bar close.

How exciting.

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On a not-unrelated note, I hereby endorse Tim Pawlenty to be the next President of the United States.

Tuesday Musings: Slowcarb Edition

2011-05-09T19:44:00.003-05:00

I'm on a diet. As you might expect, I am irritable therefore. Let's muse.

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Apple was recently recognized as the most valuable brand in the world. That stands to reason. Outside of the clothing and automobile world, what other company so deftly compels it's loyalists to spend a premium to enjoy an inferior product? That company is only brand. Slap a "Compaq" sticker on the stuff, and it is essentially worthless.

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Reaping what you sow alert... Sojourners, which recently refused to run a pro-gay ad in its pages, is in hot water with its followers. This barely coherent explanation from Jim Wallis is as priceless as it is tacky. A highlight:

Given the time Sojourners is now spending on critical issues like the imperative of a moral budget, the urgent need to end the war in Afghanistan, and the leadership we are offering on commitments like immigration reform, we chose not to become involved in the controversy that such a major ad campaign could entail, and the time it could require of us.

You see, Sojourners is not opposed to gay biblical equality, it just doesn't have the time for it. Unsurprisingly, this mealy mouth explanation did not appease Sojo's gay supporters. Kimberly Knight writes:

The powerful not wanting to lose their power by standing up for what is right and maybe offending those who foot the bill.

Pretty much. What have you learned, Kimberly?

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So R.T. Rybak has jumped in to offer Minneapolis money to pay for the Vikings Stadium AND eight-figures to renovate Target Center.

Here's an idea. If you want something. YOU buy it. Want the Vikings to stay in town, write a check. I could not possibly care less, and so there is no reason why my tax dollars ought to be used to fund a stadium I neither need nor want.

Our city never misses an opportunity to piss away money, so I'm guessing this is a done deal, but it is bloody ridiculous to be spending billions of dollars on stadiums for rich people in this economy. Ridiculous.

If Arden Hills wants a stadium, let Arden Hills buy a stadium.

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As for the threat to move the Vikings to Los Angeles, I can think of no better argument as to why we shouldn't be in the business of bailing out bankrupt states. If CA has the cash to be buying stadiums for rich people, I am left to simply assume that it is independently wealthy.

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I will support the Target Center renovation if Glen Taylor takes David Kahn out back and shoots him. Until then, that organization is pretty much making its own bed. Why renovate a stadium for a team that is at least 60% likely to be contracted in the next decade?

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Brief today... No time... Everyone rant!

Okay, one more thing...

2011-05-06T09:18:00.002-05:00

This, from Scot McKnight:

Having said that, I can’t rejoice that he was shot to death or that he or anyone else is dead; I can’t rejoice because violence does not bring peace. It unleashes cycles of more violence. We may never know, but it sure looks to me that he could have been captured alive. Of course, bin Laden alive and captured could be one of the biggest nightmares our government could imagine, but that won’t change my view that if he could have been captured alive that would have been more Christian.

Is the stupidest thing I have read in response to the Osama Bin Laden killing.

I'll set aside the "violence begets violence" bit. That's boilerplate half-assed Christian pacifism. Pragmatic-sounding and non-falsifiable.

It sure looks to McKnight that Osama could have been captured alive? I'm glad that Scot's intensive special-ops training has given him keen insight into what constitutes self-defense. What? He went to some podunk bible college in Michigan? Oh... Maybe he's not so much equipped to accuse the Navy SEALS of war crimes.

I am confused by the assertion that capturing him would have been "more Christian". For those unfamiliar with the Bible, you are either a Christian or you are not. It's like being pregnant. There is right and there is wrong.

That aside, why is it more Christian to capture someone (after lighting up his compound and shooting his wife) then to kill them? What biblical principle is at play here? Saul, for the record, was vilified, VILIFIED for capturing his enemies instead of killing them.

Ugh...

I'm tired of the gospel being watered down to a spate of treacly bullshit. It seems to me that some Christians believe it is their mission to share the good news that Christ is a colossal pussy who wouldn't harm a fly (for the reason that he is incapable). Who wants that? Who wants to believe a God that forbids us to rejoice in the death of a murderous madman?

I don't, and I don't have to. That God is the figment of a very depressing imagination.

My God is tap-dancing on Osama's grave. He can walk on water after all.

The proper Christian response: w00t!

2011-05-05T09:33:00.003-05:00

If there is one thing Christians are great at, it's acting holier-than-thou. Jim Wallis has made self-holiness an art form. He admonishes us not to celebrate the death of Osama Bin Laden. Why? It isn't Jesusy, or something.

Pumping our fists in victory or celebrating in the streets is probably not the best Christian response to anyone’s death, even the death of a dangerous and violent enemy.

True. The best Christian response is to do shots. However, some people are trying to carry over some momentum from lent related abstention, so pumping our fists is fine, if not ideal.

The world can be relieved that a leader as evil as Bin Laden can no longer plot the death of innocents.

So we can be relieved, but not celebrate? On what principle?

We can be grateful that his cynical manipulation and distortion of Islam into a message of division and hate is finally ended.

Nobody cares what he did with the message of Islam. We care that he killed people, and that he's dead.

Even if we sharply dissented from the moral logic or wisdom of the failed wars in Iraq and Afghanistan of the last decade,

Failed war? Did you hear the news about Osama? Mission accomplished, bitch.

we can be glad that a mass murderer has been stopped and brought to justice.

To be clear, Christians may be grateful, relieved and glad, but may not celebrate. Wallis sounds like the coach of a Big Ten school admonishing his team not to gloat over beating Alcorn St.

(Osama Bin Laden - The Alcorn St. of madmen. Moving on...)

And we can be hopeful that the face of the Arab world might now become the young nonviolent activists for democracy rather than a self-righteous smirk of a self-promoting video character who tells us he is going to kill our children if we don’t submit to his hateful agenda.

To which, according to news reports, when we shot him in the face, his eye popped out and pieces of his brain flew through the air. #hownavysealswipethesmirkoffyourface

But the book of Proverbs clearly warns us to “not rejoice when your enemies fall.”

Here's the rest of that Proverb (17:28, if you're interested):

when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice,

To which:

a) The Proverb is talking about the wicked as our enemy, who fall when "calamity strikes". In other words, just because someone rejects God, that is no reason to be happy when things do not go well for them.

b) FMI, read Psalms. Plenty of rejoicing over the death of enemies there.

c) What the hell is the difference gladness and rejoicing?

And, in the hardest words of the gospel, Jesus tells us to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

He wasn't persecuting us. He killed thousands of innocent people, then fled. When confronted, he refused to repent, keeping his promise to go down fighting. It is not unloving to celebrate justice. Did the Israelites remain quietly grateful after David downed Goliath? No. They literally held a parade.

Neither of those texts have been very popular pulpit texts during the years since 9/11.

There is no evidence that this is true.

The chants of “USA, USA, USA” are also not the best mantra for believers who should know that they are meant to be Christians first and Americans second.

Why not? I'm still American. I chant DEEEETROIT BAAAAAAASKETBALL, when my favorite team forces a turnover*, but I can't cheer on my country when it offs one of the most notorious murderers in the world?

We Christians have too often valued the innocent lives of Americans who have been lost to war more than the innocents who were in the way of our wars in response to the attacks against us.

But nobody was chanting USA! then. Rather, we are chanting in response to the death of a murderous mad man who killed thousands of our people. You may have heard of him.

The violence of terrorism, the violence of war, and even the violent reprisal against Osama bin Laden on Sunday should all push us to deeper reflection, and even repentance, for how we have allowed the seeds of such destruction to take root and grow in our hearts and in our world.

Note. When Wallis says "we", he means "you". Even money he has sent out a press release calling on Americans to repent.

If anything Sunday’s success showed the effectiveness of good intelligence and “policing activities” more than the endless wars of occupation, as some have pointed out.

*cough* Gitmo *cough*

But perhaps with Bin Laden now gone and rendered irrelevant, we can turn the page on the 10-year trauma of 9/11 and find better ways to settle our conflicts, defend ourselves, and undermine the threats against peace.

Good luck with that one, bucko. You're homeboy has gotten a taste of the public accolades that come with dispensing with the mumbo-jumbo and delivering bullets to the face of our enemies. Think he's going to turn back now, in election season?

I believe one of our most hopeful ways forward is to now unite across religious lines and learn again together “the things that make for peace.”

Fine, but let me just add:

Kill our peeps?
Here's the deal
Blown to hell
By a Navy Seal

USA! USA! USA!

* - The present tense is a bit disingenuous here. My favorite team no longer forces turnovers, but you get my point.

Osama Bin Musings

2011-05-03T19:43:00.005-05:00

Ding-dong the witch is dead. Guns really do solve problems. Let's muse.

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RIP: Anti-war Left 1962-2011. We're all Neocons now.

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A week ago, I predicted that releasing his birth certificate would be remembered as Obama's greatest achievement. I was wrong. Not closing Gitmo was his greatest achievement.

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Obama now has an almost unprecedented clean slate for executing a pro-active policy in the Middle East. He has earned achieved an important symbolic scalp, but also has a peace prize (snicker) under his belt. Already, he could proceed unencumbered by angry left, the left-wing tsk-tskers and cavalcades of extremist lawyers who tend to make life difficult for our intelligence community. Nobody is going to be asking WWFD "what would France do"? He has also silenced (temporarily) his critics who do not think he has the competence to accomplish long-term goals abroad.

He's in a perfect spot to make real change in the Middle East.

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Those who have Christian friends on Facebook were likely tut-tutted with admonishments to remember that Christ calls us to love our enemies.

This is impossible. Bin Laden is dead. You can't love the dead (Jesus said that too). Break out the champagne.

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It's also bad theology, in case you were wondering. The bible is rather full of examples of people celebrating the death of their enemies (David v. Goliath for example). Christ never speaks out against this, or calls on us to reject this paradigm in any way.

He calls on us not to let our cultural differences dissuade us from treating each other with love. But our differences with Osama Bin Laden extend beyond the cultural, to put it mildly. The question is whether Osama Bin Laden's death was just. You'd have to be something of a fanatic to argue that it was not.

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In terms of the politics, this couldn't have come at a better time for Obama. The political obituaries (some overblown) were starting to roll in. He was seen as weak at home and abroad. Gas prices. All that.

On the other hand, in the grand scheme of Obama's agenda, this is more of a distraction. A positive distraction, grant you, and who can blame the prez for taking a victory lap? Those who don't support his policies or ideas will just have to grit our teeth. What, am I going to get mad at him for taking out Bin Laden?

But if he misinterprets good will for a mandate, he'll hit the political quicksand pretty quickly. He has an opening to rebuild his credibility w/r/t foreign policy, and he should take that opportunity.

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Of course, what his party would like him to do is use this as an excuse to bail out and focus on "green jobs".

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Regardless of what you feel about torture (I'm not sure waterboarding counts, but I think we can locate effective alternatives), doesn't this series of event put to bed the whole "torture doesn't work because people will just lie" meme?

I'm not sure what the origin of that idea was (I strongly suspect Reservoir Dogs had something to do with it), but its pretty much put to rest now.

Not that I ever expect to have a reasonable, intellectually honest conversation about torture.

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Screw all of this...

USA! USA! USA!

Confirmation Bias and the End Times

2011-04-27T23:00:00.005-05:00

Confirmation bias is the propensity to give priority (broadly defined) to evidence that confirms existing prejudices. You are familiar with the expression "hearing what you want to hear"? That's confirmation bias. This philosophically important notion is actually a product of pure biology.

Scientists believe the brain creates memories and solves problems by connecting dendrites. There are axons involved. There's your biology less for the day.

Alas, the little bastards can't help but fuse, so sometimes problems sort of solve themselves subconsciously.

Our biological instincts compel us to mate, and so it behooves our precious brains to make connections as quickly as possible. As such, the only sensible dendritic connections people ever form are of the "nice butt, therefore, sex now" variety. For more information, visit the Warehouse district.

So dendrites are extremely helpful in compelling us to have sex. To which, thanks dendrites. Thandrites.

Unfortunately, the facile propensities of these little beasts are poorly applied to, say, world events pertaining to the fate of mankind.

Instead of "smile is confident, therefore, sex now" we get "tsunami in Japan, therefore, end times".

Any Christian person with a Facebook account is either purveyor or recipient of ominous prophecy viz. the "end is near". See, the Bible does foretell (accurately, by the way) the world will end. There will be floods, fires, earthquakes, famine. You know, awful stuff.

As it happens, the much lamented 24 hour news cycle has done a more than capable job of continually reintroducing awful stuff to our collective psyches... Especially when aforementioned results in floating cars.

(I am convinced that every automobile that has ever floated on water has been photographed. Cameras are drawn to them, and why not? Pretty serious, this business of floating cars.)

To the average Christian, accounts of impending doom via car-floating massacres, both in scripture and on Drudge, serve as jello shots for preternaturally uninhibited dendrites. Every time some oceanic event destroys a coalition of non-whites, Christians read badly written books and store wheat.

Are the dendritic instincts correct in this instance? Not any more so than they are after bar close in the Warehouse district.

For starters, per Genesis, God explicitly said he won't be flooding us to death any more. To end mankind via alternative water calamities would seem rather hair-splitting, no?

Second, even if you adhere (as I do) to the theory of a young creation, our observance of geological and meteorological phenomena represents an awfully small data set in context. Prior to the 19th century, our knowledge is limited to accounts of particularly calamitous events.

The Shaanxi Earthquake if 1556 killed 830,000 people. The Antioch earthquake a millenia prior killed 300,000. I'll hazard to guess there was an undocumented hurricane or three in the interim.

Add to that the fact that our world is more populated now, especially in areas where there happens to be a lot of water (colonization near waterways boomed with the industrial revolution), and its no surprise that natural disasters exact a more profound human toll nowadays.

Of course, everyone forgets about good old fashion famine, under which conditions there are neither cars nor water. In the 20th century, China experienced two famines that claimed the lives of 50 million people or so. And yet, famine seems to have subsided. Is this particular end times bellwether taking a temporary hiatus?

Volcanic eruptions, as well, seem to have become less profound in the last century. This certainly owes to the ability to anticipate said eruptions, but if God wants to send a warning, who are scientists to stop him?

Are we in the end times (broadly defined)? I don't know. It is theoretically possible. However, it is mathematically unlikely that the end of the world will come about in my life time. Besides, it seems cruel for God to end mankind without giving us at least one space robot.

We live on a dynamic Earth, where death is a reality, and life is fleeting. Tsunamis do not change that fact. They ought compel us to reflect upon it. The bible encourages precisely this. God will return like a thief in the night, not a volcano in broad daylight.

It's easier to cope with the idea of the end of the world than it is our own unique mortality. Like a child who won't go to bed for fear that something exciting might happen, we would rather take see the world crumble with us than leave it behind.

Citing the end times strikes me as a reflection of our unwillingness to confront the inevitability of our own death. We are sentenced to die, and our death is not the end of the world. That might be uncomfortable, and our dendrites have a hard time with it, but it's what's real.

Confirm it.

Monday Musings: It's still Monday on the East Coast edition

2011-04-25T23:42:00.002-05:00

Did you know it's going to snow on Wednesday? I feel like snow is a metaphor for Brett Favre's career. There is a time and a place, but everyone has now decided it's gotten old, and the mere mention of it makes us sadder. Let's muse...

Yahoo! wants me to be fiscally fit. Too that end, it posts an article from one Marlys Harris, whose son has graduated from a culinary school. Apparently, he also now has the scoop on how restaurants make money. It's mostly boilerplate (menus highlight items they want to sell? ZOUNDS!) until you get to this:

5. Dollar-sign avoidance. Focus groups who've been asked to opine on menus display an acute discomfort with dollar signs and decimals.

First of all, I doubt this is what her son learned in culinary school, so her appeal to authority is debunked. Second, dollar-sign avoidance is mostly about aesthetics, which is obvious to anyone who cares about aesthetics. As it happens, such people tend to care a bit less about dollar signs when they go eat.

Many high-tone foodie establishments

What the hell is a "high-tone foodie establishment"? She actually cites the shenanigans of Olive Garden, so I will assume she means "restaurants not like Olive Garden"?

that charge an arm and a leg for, say, a bowl of lentils and groats now omit such crass symbols from their menus

I know of no restaurants that offer groats (though I'm sure one or two offer them). Of the pure lentil offerings, I can cite Black Sea on Snelling, which offers a red lentil soup* for a whopping $3.95. Maybe I would be more likely to buy it if it were priced at 4-, but I only have so many arms. Those ruthless Turkish bastards ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Sorry for all the snark. It's not like the author is from Minnesota, and would Kn... Oh, dear...

-- like Spoonriver, a place I like in Minneapolis. I almost don't notice that I've paid $12.50 for a rather small chicken quesadilla.

Congrats on the national press coverage, Spoonriver. You can count a moron among your patronage. For the record, Spoonriver's quesadilla clocks in at $9.50, which is not at all unreasonable given that Chef Brenda is packing the thing with quality ingredients.

I've had a bone or two to pick with Spoonriver, but I've never, remotely, felt ripped off. Why is Marlys Harris throwing a restaurant she likes to frequent under the bus?

Once upon a time, menus used leader dots (... .) to connect the entree with the price. You won't find them much anymore either.

Here is how the quesadilla dish reads on the page:


Quesadilla • Natural Chicken, Roasted Vegetable-Sqaush Spread, Amish Cheddar. Chili-Mango Salsa / Veg. Option	9.5 / 8.5

In other words, the chicken quesadilla costs $9.50; the vegetarian $8.50

How many leader dots do you freaking need, lady? Heaven forbid a restaurant would overestimate your ability to read horizontally.

Of course, Brenda closed down her namesake restaurant in order to make Spoonriver a success. You know, because that's what business owners usually do when they are trying to cheat their own customers.

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Here's a trick other restaurants use. They fill you up and cheap, sugary, fatty junk at 1,000% markups. They succeed because customers of restaurants like Spoonriver whine about being charged an arm and a leg (which again, $9.50) for real food.

Here's a little insider tip about Olive Garden. They do not care one way or the other whether you eat one bowl or three of a pasta bowl that costs them about 32 cents to produce. Just don't puke it up on premises, and they're pretty much cool.

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Let's make this a foodie muse. Hit up The Flame in Aberdeen, SD. This is their resident steak house, and they certainly try. The owner's daughter was our waitress. She spent some time in the Twin Cities, but came back to SD for work (this is not an uncommon theme, btw, Mark Dayton).

At any rate, she always recommends the meat rare, and seems to know something about food. To which, The Flame should listen to the owners daughter. She'd probably tell you that there is no compelling reason why a potato must accompany a steak, and that a real soup can command a higher price point than a "home made" one.

I am convinced that The Flame could make itself into an outstanding restaurant without alienating the locals.

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On the other hand, the Palm Garden Cafe gets it right. In a town where "from scratch" cooking happens in the fields outside of town, they do a pretty nice job.

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You know who else does a "nice" job? Heidi's in uptown. Had dinner there on Thursday, and had the opportunity to make converts of our dinner companions. Do you want to know what great service really means? What real cooking is? What ambiance looks like? Go there.

I'll note the service. We take it for granted that our servers treat us like crap in this town. Frankly, there was a point in the evolution of Heidi's (years ago) where the service was a bit slack. Not now. The twin cities hasn't seen this level of service. It just hasn't. Every staff member is on top of the mission of that restaurant.

If all goes well, there will be much riding on those tires.

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Yes, it's that good. Go.

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Should also throw a shout to Obento-Ya. My first experience was unspectacular, but a second visit hit all the right spots. I think a variety of sushi, small plates, and the robata is the way to go. Consistency and competence are the name of the game there, and when it comes to Japanese cuisine, what more could you ask for?

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I mean, there are things you could ask for, like better chopsticks and maybe a more robust...

But I'm done.

Wonkette response I forgot to publish when it was relevant

2011-04-20T22:42:00.004-05:00

So, Wonkette, purveyor of left-wing extremist nonsense, has apparently decided to get into the humor game. It is almost always a bad idea when ideology gets mixed with humor, and this is no exception. Let's parse:

Okay, the author is doing the ironic thing where you throw a bunch of preening images into a pile, and that is supposed to be a detached commentary somehow. I get it, I guess.

To which, is the stripper pole supposed to connote birthday celebration? Why is there a referee? Is that an abstinence jab?

Reagan II? Do liberals just get that joke, and so I shouldn't question it? I'm out of the loop and the whole "it's funny simply to name politicians" meme, but I'll give it a shot. Lyndon Johnson 5.

Seriously, what the hell is this? Okay moving on.

BY JACK STUEF

Oh dear, I hope that's a pseudonym.

That strange man yelling unintelligibly at Sarah Palin? He’s merely a lowly shepherd proclaiming the birth of our savior.

Wait, what strange man? Jack Stuef? I need context. Of all the things in the picture above, there is no man yelling. John McCain? That doesn't make any sense.

Today is the day we come together to celebrate the snowbilly grifter’s magical journey from Texas to Alaska to deliver to the America the great gentleman scholar Trig Palin. Is Palin his true mother? Or was Bristol?

Well, first of all, Bristol's last name is Palin, so either way, a Palin gave birth to Trig. Second, snowbilly grifter? I get the snowbilly part, but grifter? Does the word just find the right cadence, and so why write things that are meaningful?

(And why is it that nobody questions who the father is? Because, either way, Todd definitely did it.)

Well, that's quite the parenthetical. I thought we were being all cool and ironic, what with the stripper & pole. But now we've moved into broad satire, what with the incest and such. Good point, though... Republicans definitely rape their daughters.

It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we are privileged to live in a time when we can witness the greatest prop in world political history.

The TelePrompter?

This is a montage of baby Trig's photos. Keep in mind that, to some, the idea that disabled people should be allowed to live long enough to be photographed is inherently funny.

Sorry, what I meant to say was, HA-HA-HA. Baby is retarded! BRILLIANT!

This morning, Team Sarah posted a happy-birthday message at the exact time of his birth. This is a poem “Lynda” wrote for Trig:

Of course, it is inherently absurd to write poems for and about babies. We should simply take them at face value. They are poop machines. Nothing more.

(TPWK To Jack Stuef: Do you want to kill yourself now, or do you want to build up a fan-base so you can score an error-riddled New York Times obit? Either way, make it so. Thanks.)

Okay, the poem is pretty lame. It's about baby dreams. What does Jack have to say about it?

What’s he dreaming about? Nothing. He’s retarded.

In addition to being clinically inaccurate, this has the added bonus of being bracingly unfunny. Is Jack Stuef a pseudonym for Andy Dick?

Here are a couple of excellent YouTube tributes to the magic intellectually disabled baby prop, presented by Glenn Beck:

Now we've changed gears. Stuef/Dick's problem with Trig Palin is that he has been used as a prop. In related news, I have no idea whether Barack Obama has adorable daughters.

Here’s Piper licking her hand and rubbing it all over Trig’s head for some reason:

She never explained her reason to the press, which is inexcusable, considering she is seven years old.

Here’s Trig returning the favor, meeting another Down syndrome baby and immediately trying to lick it:

You know what? As cynical as I am, I cannot cast this comment in a darker light. Congratulations, you ugly, chubby bastard (no, the ironic glasses do not save you... I get it, but you evoke pity... That's not good.)

And finally, Louis C.K.’s verdict on the kid:

Louis C.K. isn't funny either. Why did Mitch Hedberg have to die, while the rest of us are saddled with Jack Stuef, Andy Dick and Louis C.K.?

“Why just celebrate tax day today, April 18th? It’s also Trig Paxson Van Palin’s 3rd birthday. His mom went to a lot of trouble to leak amniotic fluid over 8 states to make sure that he arrived in this world somewhat alive,”

This bit of acerbic commentary is rather chronologically challenged. The baby was born before Palin was tapped to be the vice presidential candidate for the party Jack Stuef rather obviously dislikes.

I'm trying to avoid the "somewhat alive" bit, but will simply note that this is how people once discussed slaves, and Jack Stuef pretty much fits the mold of privileged wealthy son of a slave owner. My assumption is that he is too much of a pussy to have ever owned slaves. He strikes me as the snotty kid who would have gone around antagonizing them until they went Nat Turner on his ass.

writes Wonkette operative “Barbara_i,”

Oh my bad... The amniotic fluid bit comes courtesy of a Wonkette operative. Congratulations, "Barbara-underscore-lower-case-i", you are an official operative for a blog (or were... I'm guessing staffing cuts are on the horizon, now that Jack Stuef pissed away all of your advertising dollars). Try not to waste oxygen for the rest of us. You had damn well better drive a hybrid.

Sarah went to a whole lot of trouble to name him ‘Van Palin,’ a ‘Van Halen’ reference he will never get.” Indeed.

Slapping "indeed" at the back-end of a flatly banal joke does not make said joke any less so, nor does it justify it's replication. I am also confused about the attribution. Did Barbara_i make a stupid amniotic fluid joke or a stupid Van Halen joke? I feel like Jack Stuef is hedging his bets here, grammatically speaking.

Enjoy yourself today, Trig. Have fun!

This is why I vote Republican, people.

Get drunk (on purpose this time)!

The hell?

We can hardly wait for 15 years from now, when you will finally be able to vote and will be sent off by your mother’s junta to fight the Union in the Great Alaska War.

If this piece is any indication, it will be the mentally handicapped who are fighting to reclaim satire from left-wing degenerates. The rest of us conservatives will be on to bigger and better things, of course.

It’ll be quite a loss. You’re the smartest one in that family.

Right, because the smart money is on insulting retarded babies on one of the most prominent liberal blogs in America. That's what smart people do.

Monday Musings

2011-04-18T11:30:00.002-05:00

Spring snowstorms on the horizon. This is why Minnesotans drink. Let's muse.

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Paul Krugman joins my call for doing away with civility. This, on the heels of his blog post, asserting that civility is the last refuge of scoundrels, wherein he accuses Republicans of hypocrisy, w/r/t the civility issue.

Unreal. Let's step back a few months, shall we?

Liberal commentators, politicians and bloggers shed crocodile tears over the Tea Partier's incivility and anger (and racism, but that's another story... It is fair to say the Tea Party was, at times uncivil, and certainly angry). Something bad was going to happen, we were told, unless we would allow the left to herald a "new era of civility".

In response, Republicans wrote things like this:

"The charge of incivility has morphed into an epithet, a way of dismissing valid ideas and contributions. The irony explains why those who call for civility are so infrequently civil themselves.

Bugger that; it's a trap. I'll not take moral lessons from moralists. Give me someone who is forthright and sincere, and leave the self-righteous preening about civility to the pots and the kettles. "

Then, some deranged lunatic tried to off a congressman in Arizona, and the blood was on our hands. See, Republicans were uncivil, creating a climate of hate that, in combination with global warming, prompted an insane man to do what insane men do.

Now, having lost several ideological battles (and having behaved uncivilly in the process), the left is done with civility.

And I'm the hypocrite.

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So is Krugman on the till for the next assassination? I think he just raised his hand... His bloody, bloody hand.

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This business with debt collectors has to stop. I'm being hassled by some company called "Portfolio Recover Services" over an overdue bill to Ameritech. To which:

Ameritech was bought by SBC in 1999. This was before I had a cell phone, or even a credit card.

They have the wrong address, and I have told them so repeatedly.

The above is important, as they are required to send me something in writing before calling me.

So, to summarize, by virtue of not having my address, this company, which bought a 12 year old debt for somewhere in the vicinity of, oh, 84 cents, is free to hound me for it ad infinitum until I give them my personal address.

Or....

I can work to make their life a living hell.

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Are we still in Libya? Why?

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Watching Carmelo Anthony hoist bricks at the end of the Knicks-Celtics game was a nice bit of schadenfreude for us math geeks who been trying to explain to everyone the dude isn't a very good basketball player. We are told that, because we don't watch the games, we can't understand how awesome these guys who miss tons of shots are.

Well, he just destroyed his team's chances of winning the game. I'm glad I was there to watch it, but I'm pretty sure I could've just looked at the 5-18 FG in his stat line, and drawn a similar conclusion.

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Speaking of missed shots, that was a pretty insipid Obama speech last week. My favorite part bit was where he went to great lengths to explain how and why politicians claim they can cut spending by eliminating waste, and then proposed to do just that.

In fact, that has been his proposal since he began running for president. He was going to change the way government worked so that efficiencies would allow us to expand benefits without raising taxes.

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Had another meal at Obento-Ya this weekend as part of our "baby is coming, life will be over soon" tour. This is a great place for sushi lovers whose dates are not sushi lovers. As a Japanese restaurant, it's a close second to Tanpopo, but the variety can't be beat.

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On a recent trip to Barrio, I had the chance to try the skirt steak sandwich, at the behest of my co-worker who raved about the think. I thought it was tasty, but he was crestfallen at the fact that the bun has changed from a baguette to a cubano-style. Can't see how a baguette would elevate it to a must-have sandwich, but apparently it isn't anymore.

The salsas and guac were, as before, fantastic.

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Also grabbed a drink at the Forum. Very Mrs. Havisham. Somebody competent needs to get in there and give that place some life.

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Surprisingly delicious? The szechuan beef noodle stew at Szechuan in Roseville. Rich and complicated. For $7, it's just good take out. As a whole, the restaurant is easily the best in Roseville. To which, the two best restaurants in Roseville are a Chinese resto in a strip mall and Mavericks, a roast beef joint in a strip mall.

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I'll say this. Keith Marler's assent to local power celebrity has coincided with the worst winter in memory.

Just go to Chicago already, Marler.

Tuesday Musings

2011-04-04T23:58:00.002-05:00

It's not Monday anymore. I still wish to muse. I will, therefore.

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Lindsey Graham: Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war.

Me: South Carolina can muster a primary challenger to this guy, yes?

My goodness, nobody seems to care if we burn our own flag, but burn the "holy" book of the people who hate us?

Islam, the unofficial official religion of the United States.

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Why it's wrong (morally, if not Constitutionally) to burn the flag: You live under it. It is a symbol of your very protections.

The Koran? Does nothing for you. At all. Some people are really into it. The same can be said for Dungeons and Dragons manuals.

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In response to the drastic (i.e. nominal) budget cuts Republican are proposing, Jim Wallis has taken to the National Press Club to announce a fast. The New Testament says little about fasting, and doesn't actually require it (I do not oppose the practice, and have even partaken). However, Jesus is pretty clear that we shouldn't declare our fast in public.

Would Christ have ever crafted a press release, much less a partisan one?

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Hit up the Oceanaire this weekend. First of all, I expect big things from a place like this. I mean that in the semi-literal sense. Make it big. Razzle-dazzle and all that. From a service perspective, an absolute victory. Our waiter was gregarious, knowledgeable, but also charismatic and fun.

On the food side, we were immediately presented with a tray of inedible vegetables on ice. The canned olives didn't taste canned, nor did they taste like olives. The bread was dry, and the butter hard. Note to Oceanaire: Depending on the customer's mood, they can spend $50 or $150 per head at your restaurant. Splurge a bit if you want us to do so.

I would have traded the above for a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit, and I'm not even intending that to be mean.

The crab cake was as advertised. Crabby, with just enough gunk to keep the thing a cake, and very tasty. My oysters were fine, and the clam chowder was beautiful. In fact, you could make a decadent meal of those three items.

Our entrees, the $29 (!) shrimp scampi and $29 (not !) monkfish, were just fine. To which, why on Earth should shrimp scampi cost as much as a fish entree? The shrimp were good quality, if a bit overdone, but the preparation is, essentially, butter noodles.

Monkfish was good. A shallot-heavy (note to anyone cooking at home: put shallots in everything, always) sauce that nonetheless let the fish speak for itself. I'm not as much into steaky fish, so this was up my alley.

The roasted beet side is, well, a hell of a lot of beets. It has that much going for it.

Dessert was a giant creme brulee. It was boilerplate (ostensibly a Thai coffee variation) but huge. The custard was inconsistent, which is probably why most creme brulee isn't, you know, giant, but Khris liked it, so what do I know?

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To which, I just nit-picked a bit. But isn't the Oceanaire the kind of restaurant you nitpick? Isn't that the idea, that we plebes spend a bit of money and, if nothing else, get everything done right? I'll take "does a lot of things well" from Little Szechuan any day, but at a certain point, shouldn't someone do something to bridge the $120 price gap?

Our waiter made a valiant effort, but when I hear that bread/desserts are baked at Parasole (which has no particular affiliation with the Oceanaire, and which generally disappoints me on a regular basis), it's hard to feel special.

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On the topic of Little Szechuan, it's just great Chinese food. I mean, what is there to say? There are six good Chinese restaurants in the Twin Cities. They are: Little Szechuan, Evergreen, Grand Szechuan, Tea House, Szechuan, and Szechuan Spice. I mean, right? So that's where you go.

However, I do wish Little Szechuan would put a few authentic dishes on their lunch menu (offerings @ $8.50). Nobody needs a gallon of Ma Po Tofu at 11:50 a.m., and the stuff doesn't reheat well.

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I have so much to say about the new trolley that is presently destroying St. Paul, but I'll leave that for a post later this week.

Libya: Part Three - A Conclusion

2011-03-29T11:45:00.002-05:00

Barack Obama has already been hit in conservative circles (rightly so) for taking a doctrinaire approach to Libya. But I’m not so sure we have a handle on Obama’s doctrine, outside of the baseball analogies he put forth on the campaign trail. How does he modify his approach when, say, the Arab League (and, soon, most of Europe) refuses to play ball?

Worse, he has announced that he has no intention of taking out Gaddafi. Does it make sense to antagonize a leader, one who has already engineered terrorist attacks against Americans, and then leave him in power? What is Obama’s response when Gaddafi responds.

We have no idea. The reason wasn’t on his TelePrompter last night. We cannot test Obama’s claims (I’ll simply assume none of my readers take the humanitarian explanation at face value) against our sense of reality. He has not made claims.

By my lights, this contrasts one of the great strengths of the Bush presidency. He made a case for war, committed to certain deliverables, and sought to achieve them, well beyond the point at which they had ceased to be popular. If his evidence for the existence of WMDs was cherry-picked, our congress had complete access to that information.

Barack Obama is reticent to even use the word war. Tactically, or by accident, he has shirked accountability at home as he has acquiesced to fickle allies abroad.

And therein lies my functional opposition to the war in Libya. If the president has not made his case for war, then he cannot be held accountable to any sort of success model. By declaring a national emergency (?) and moving forward without the consent of congress (or even a real address), Obama has given himself carte blanche for any and all military engagement.

You can make the constitutional case that the president has this power. I just don’t want this president to use it.

To date, the proof is in the pudding. The president’s much-touted alliance is weaker and narrower than that of the Iraq war. Rhetoric aside, we are fronting the weapons, money and personnel to achieve what is, ostensibly, a NATO initiative (or a UN initiative… take your pick).

It may provide some comfort to members of the elite (many of whom have made European friends travelling around the world) that France and Britain are offering their rhetorical support. The rest of us shouldn’t give a damn. Gaddafi doesn’t.

To date, we have seen no tangible benefit from the Obama doctrine, and we will not. The word feckless gets thrown around a lot, but Obama’s initiatives are all marked by a similar pattern.

-The application of broad doctrine to a profoundly complex issue

-Inevitable opposition

-Incoherent, but nonetheless aggressive, response to same

-Misapplication of aforementioned doctrine (see: Care, Obama)

Let’s face it. If he were going to delineate a clear strategy for engagement, he would have done so by now. What he has are a couple of theories that he would like to think will improve our global standing for foreign policy endeavors in the future.

From what I can ascertain, Libya (like most specific policy issues) doesn’t interest Barack Obama very much. He is looking for an opportunity to apply his ideology, the way a scientist is eager to test a hypothesis.

Unfortunately, the testing of this hypothesis necessitates missile strikes. Remember Colin Powell’s oft-repeated aphorism about bulls and china shops? Obama has let the bulls out of the pen, and the consequences will require further intervention.

At this stage, short of a miracle, Obama has essentially committed ground troops to Libya. The resistance is emboldened, and now assumes it has the support of the international community (i.e. the United States). Alas, they do not have the resources to sustain a ground assault.

We’ll have to intervene. That means troops on the ground. That means navigating a complex network of a affiliations (many of them terrorist affiliations) through a process of trial and error (with the error coming in the form of fatalities).

The alternative is to sweep it under the rug, and hope everyone at home forgets about it as Libyans die en masse. Barack Obama is very few things. Cynical isn’t one of them.

And what if, God forbid, Gaddafi launches a terrorist attack? I doubt Americans will be mollified by the fact that Obama has found favor with the Belgians.

Foreign policy as hypothesis is a dangerous game. What looks good in a student newspaper doesn’t necessarily work in real life. A war in Libya requires a leader. When we elect one, I will support it.

On Libya: Part Two - What's our motivation?

2011-03-28T10:06:00.002-05:00

How I view the war in Libya is less important than how the president views it, and not simply for the reason that I am a blogger and he is a president. I may agree with his initiatives to date, but not his aims. As the latter will guide the former henceforth, it’s important to ascertain what Barack Obama thinks we should achieve, and how he thinks we should achieve it.

This, really, is the crux of any argument re: war. Whether or not you support the Iraq war hinges on why you suppose George W. Bush engaged it.

Had we found troves of powerful weapons at Saddam’s disposal, only the most fervent ideologue could resist the clarity of the mission. But he didn’t, and so in absence of clarity, we look to vision. Did George W. Bush have reason to believe Saddam had WMDs? Was this his essential motivation for war?

Conveniently (and unfortunately), the answer to that question just so happens to split along partisan lines. Fancy that.

What does Barack Obama want to accomplish? As it pertains to Libya qua Libya, I don’t have the foggiest idea. I’m not sure anyone does.

I know what he doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t want to kill Gaddafi. To do so will take a concerted effort, a months/years long campaign that will leave a tattered nation in tatters accompanied by our bite marks. Sound familiar?

I’m reasonably certain he doesn’t want to start a ground war of any sort, (though I think this ship has sailed, as I’ll explain later). Politically, this will be a tough sell, especially insofar as the administration is allergic to the term “war”. Ground strikes, with the bullets and IEDs, look a bit too much like war movies. The optics cannot be spun.

I am certain that his concerns over genocide are sincere, as were those of Bush in Iraq. But preventing genocide can only mute the moral concerns with respect to war. It cannot assuage them. We cannot prevent every instance of genocide, and Barack Obama knows this.

Nor, necessarily, is the goal to arm and assist the resistance. This reticence, while possibly wise, as we famously do not understand the nature of the resistance, calls into question the purpose of declaring war. Our presence in Libya (viz. missiles) invariably assists the resistance. How could it not?

I’m fine with the tension. Any nation where radical Islam has taken hold will not produce an ethically pure resistance. However, the old adage about things not possibly being any worse applies when the existing leadership has repeatedly declared war on our country and murdered United States citizens.

But that’s me talking. It is, to put it mildly, unsafe to assume that the White House’s assessments hue to my own proclivities.

And yes, I have my suspicions.

I have long thought that Hillary Clinton needed a foreign policy lens through which to define her 2012 candidacy. If leaked reports of internal dissent are to be believed, this would be that. The timing of here announcement that she will be stepping down as SOS is intriguing. Has Obama simply talked himself into the efficacy of a mission that will deprive Hillary of her bludgeon?

Of course, there is the usual cloud of Wag The Dog cynicism that permeates any military endeavor. Are internals showing that Obama is seen as weak? Has Obama struck some sort of back room deal? Is there an affair (or worse) that must be kept out of the headlines?

Perhaps Obama is, as so many leaders before him have been, eager to own a foreign policy issue. To date, he has been beholden to the machinations of his predecessor’s military efforts. This is his chance to execute foreign policy his way. To this end, the administration has made quite the show of support of Britain and France, as well as the (snicker) Arab League.

The latter motivation seems most plausible, and would explain the ad hoc nature of our engagement. Barack Obama has touted international diplomacy as a means of advancing democracy. This is a chance to do it his way (with much deference to the UN), and Libya as a cornerstone of his ideological approach to war.

So what about that approach? This is getting long, so there’s a part three.

On Libya: Part One

2011-03-24T14:39:00.001-05:00

As a blogger, I am required to have an opinion on major world events, so here is my take on our nascent war on Libya.

I begin with the assumption that any war should accord with the interests of the United States first, the world at large second, and the nation at which we are going to war third. In other words, if the war in Libya will substantially improve the world in a way that makes our lives easier and better, then I am for it. Every successful military endeavor in our nation’s history has met this standard.

I find doctrinaire arguments unpersuasive and preening. If Obama once said that the president may not go to war without congressional authorization, his supporters might have cause for concern. Many sincerely believed that Obama would be a different breed of president. I harbor no such delusions, and neither do his conservative critics.

The consistency brigade has introduced other nonsense. A presence in Libya does not necessitate a presence in Bahrain or Darfur, for the simple reason that Libya is not Bahrain or Darfur. As the consistency argument fails to seriously consider the case for war, no further explanation is needed.

As for the notion that we aren’t in the “nation building” business, please do consider the source of that particular talking point.

As for whether this meets so-called “just war” criterion, every war we have started over the last 60 years meets this does so, insofar as our enemies have always been murderers. The crisis in Libya so easily clears this hurdle that anyone wanting to have a discussion about just war is simply obfuscating. Gaddafi is a man bent on killing his own people to preserve his own power.

More substantively, opponents have argued that the United States is broke, and therefore has no business declaring war. On it’s face, this glosses over the issue. If we were being attacked by China, nobody would really care about the deficit w/r/t war.

But let me concede that we do well to consider the costs of a war in light of the benefits. It could well be that bombing Libya is the right thing to do in a vacuum, but that our rising debt outweighs the inherent benefit of doing so.

To which, and this is the dirty little secret of the military-industrial-(congressional) complex, war is a relatively inexpensive endeavor. Simply put, the dropping of missiles necessitates the production of same. Since weapons production is a largely American endeavor, those high price tags you see affixed to this or that effort tends to return to us. By no means is this an economic solution, but the make-work component of military endeavors militates against the enormous cost.

The more compelling argument, one conservatives have reasonably put forward, is that we simply don’t know what the revolution looks like. By taking on Gaddafi, are we empowering the devil we do not know.

At minimum, this certainly impacts the cost/benefit analysis. There is no sense spending billions of dollars to prop up an Ahmadinejad when a Gaddafi will do.

But that is painting our effort with a broad brush. First of all, we do know Gaddafi, and he is a devil all right. For starters, he is responsible for murdering Americans. He also sought nuclear weaponry, and was put on a very short leash for this reason.

In other words, it’s hard to see how we could do much worse.

But Libya presents a unique dynamic. Essentially, we have revolution for Democratic change facing genocide, or something like it. At minimum, we need to send the message the slaughtering dissidents is going to make you dead when those dissidents represent hope for a more stable Middle East, which again is massively in our best interests.

With a revolution declared, we have an opportunity to plant the seeds of Democracy on the (relative) cheap. The worst-case scenario is that we tell the leader of oil rich nations that if they don’t play ball, we’ll kill them. This just assertion of power sends a message on its own, one that will certainly be heard in Bahrain.

So do I support war in Libya? Yes.

Do I support THIS war in Libya? Not necessarily, as I’ll explain tomorrow.

The hypocrisy of pacificsm

2011-03-22T15:34:00.005-05:00

Finally, a consistent left-wing pacifist, taking the president to task for engaging in war when he ran on a platform of ending wars. Jim Wallis has issued a clarion call to...

Oh, nevermind, he wrote this instead...

The U.S. just started another war. We're good at starting wars. We're not good at ending them, but we start them really well.

The U.S. started a war? Like, as a nation, we just sort of, you know, collectively figured we'd do a war this year? 'Cause before 2009, George W. Bush started wars, so I just figured... No? Okay.

They say this is for "humanitarian" reasons. Aren't they all?

No. Iraq was for the purpose of deposing Saddam and Afghanistan was about going after Al Qaeda. Right or wrong, the war was not principally sold in humanitarian terms

But we still haven't intervened in arguably the clearest humanitarian crisis: Darfur.

Right, because again we do not declare war for humanitarian reasons, because that does not work.

We're not defending civilians against brutal attacks in Bahrain or Yemen.

Correct.

And we didn't even care about democracy in Egypt until youthful, democratic protesters forced us to restate our values.

True. Sojourners was, in fact, generally pro-Egypt, on account of that nation's hard-line anti-Israel stance. I cared about Democracy in Egypt, though, and still do.

Moammar Gadhafi is crazy, and brutal, and dangerous.

Sounds bad. Let's kill him.

But the U.S. has known many dictators like that and has supported them faithfully for years, as long as they are compliant with our interests.

Correct. So when madmen do not act in our interests, we have a problem on our hands.

But when their craziness makes them no longer compliant, we go to war against them for the humanitarian cause of protecting their people. Right.

Well, that's Obama's reasoning. Or, rather, the "U.S." reasoning, as we have no leader and make decisions as a collective now.

Oh, and then there's oil.

That's important too, yes.

Darfur doesn't have any.

Eh? What does Wallis think is funding the civil war in Darfur? Black market guinea pigs?

Bahrain does, along with a huge U.S. naval base.

But we're not at war with Bahrain either, so what is the point of bringing this up?

And the Saudis, who have come in to crush the democratic protests in Bahrain for their good friends in the royal family, have all the oil.

So why are we in Libya and Afghanistan, and why is it hypocritical for us to be there?

Obviously, no humanitarian concerns there. It's amazing how consistent U.S. foreign policy is from administration to administration, and how little changes when we elect a new president.

Maybe there is a reason for that. Like, perhaps, instead of citing out-of-context scripture in an attempt to sell books, the people who know things are trying to apply that knowledge to policy.

Then there's the cost. We're fighting to protect poor and low-income people against draconian budget cuts,

Draconian? $70 billion out of a $3.5 trillion budget? That's 2% of the overall budget. As a reminder, Draco favored forced slavery, and execution for even minor offenses.

but there is apparently more than enough money for another war.

There is not, as leaders within the House of Representatives has noted. Wallis will probably get around to mentioning this fact, or...

The Republican deficit hawks seem unconcerned about the cost of war.

The hell? We are pinning this war, initiated by Barack Obama at the behest of !@#$ing France, on Republican deficit hawks? THEY are the hypocrites in this scenario? Jim Wallis couldn't be more of a whore if he walked into Barney Frank's office wearing fishnet stockings.

They're busy cutting budgets and deficits by slashing malaria-preventing bed nets... and community health centers.

That latter part refers to Planned Parenthood, by the way.

We've been asking "What Would Jesus Cut?"

I know. I got the e-mail begging for the money to buy wristbands. If there is one thing I love, it's Christian catch-phrases. That said, I'm pretty sure Jesus would cut Planned Parenthood, on account of the baby-killing. Least of these and all that.

Maybe he'd start with cruise missiles.

One thing he would never do? Criticize a sitting Democratic president by name. Jesus took his orders from George Soros.

Seriously though, I am duly shamed for my hypocrisy. Thanks for straightening me out.

Monday Musings

2011-03-21T11:53:00.004-05:00

I like to think that only the toughest snowflakes are still on the ground. Pretty sure science would back that up. Let's muse.

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Those who call for civility are uncivil. Those who call for dialogue prefer monologue.

Those who relentlessly called for pacifism during the Bush administration? Haven't heard much from them lately.

The need to hide one's own ideology behind empirical wisdom or altruism intrigues me endlessly.

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As I'm working through what I think about the war with Libya, I thought I'd anticipate a challenge to any opposition, namely that Republicans had no problem with war when Bush was at the helm. To which, yes, that is part of my calculation. I don't think Barack Obama knows what he is doing, and I am not comfortable with him authorizing military strikes.

Just look at the manner in which he has engaged Libya. At first, he ignored it. Then, following the lead of the United Nations, he is now leading the charge against it. Instead of making a case for war, he simply buried his announcement in the weekend news cycle (not to mention the NCAA tournament).

The objectives of the mission are far from clear. The administration has already ceded the possibility, even likelihood, that Gaddafi will remain in power. Unlike Iraq, we have no easy allies among the various opposing groups. Even if we did, we wouldn't know who they are.

So yeah, I don't think he's the guy who is going to make that situation better. My guess is he'll use it as Clinton used Iraq. Stay nominally engaged, and fire some missiles whenever he needs a news peg. That worked well.

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Car seat insanity has been a pet peeve of mine for awhile. The notion that we are to keep kids in booster seats into their teens is utterly ludicrous, and is forcing people to buy bigger and bigger automobiles in order to accommodate these out of control regulations.

As you can imagine, I unthrilled to read this piece on CNN.com, calling for, you guessed it, more car seat regulation. Well, technically it doesn't call for more regulation, but you can be certain state legislators will take up the mantel in an effort to win votes from Mom's Against Everything types. Car seat regulations usually have several dozen sponsors and no substantive opposition.

Once on the books, it can't be undone (what, you want to kill kids by loosening car seat regulations? See you at the polls, Mr. Senator), so the time to piss and moan is now, people!

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Case in point, Minnesota's ridiculous blue laws prohibiting the sale of liquor on Sundays. With Republicans firmly in control of both chambers, they are making an effort to pass legislation that would allow for liquor sales 365 days per year.

There is absolutely no objective reason why the law should not pass. If alcohol is legal, we should be able to buy it whenever we wish.

Bars and restaurants oppose the legislation, because they believe they would lose business to liquor stores. Liquor stores oppose the legislation, because they believe they wouldn't see an uptick in revenues. One of those groups has been sold a bill of goods.

The Methodists oppose the legislation because they will never miss an opportunity to be wrong. The Minnesota family council opposes the legislation, citing nebulous benefits to the community. The Teamsters oppose the legislation because they oppose anything that requires people to work.

And so a stupid law is likely to remain on the books, because once a law is on the books, a cottage industry develops to defend the status quo, no matter how absurd.

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Had dinner at Moto-I on Friday. I like the concept, as there aren't enough Japanese restaurants that aren't sushi bars or (bristle) steakhouses. The food was competent, but a bit uninspired. Lot's of sweet and salty. The house-brewed sake, as always, was great.

Per Twitter, there has been a chef changeover, and a new menu is on the way. I hope so, because it's a cool spot, and Uptown can use better food options.

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Dim sum brunch at Yangtze on Saturday. I'll quote a Facebook friend:

"In the land of the blind the one eyed shumai is king."

I think dim sum is fun enough that, when executed competently, it's a worthwhile experience. Yangtze is that, but the old Yummy space was closer to a two-eyed version. Why aren't any of the various Szechuans on top of this?

Tuesday Musings

2011-03-15T14:21:00.002-05:00

Today is not Monday. Today is Tuesday. Let's call it museday.

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As it is with the self-proclaimed civility police, so it is with people calling for dialogue. People who want dialogue, dialogue. Those who want to short-circuit dialogue, talk about dialogue.

Solution: When someone asks for dialogue, tell them to shut up. You will never have a worthwhile conversation with anyone who calls for dialogue, unless that someone is a playwright.

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While I'm on a roll here. Nobody in possession of any real measure of intellect really cares to discuss intellectualism. People who talk about intellectualism, or have decided they are intellectual, are invariably dolts.

This goes for people who decry anti-intellectualism. See, if someone is anti-intellectual, it should be easy enough to demonstrate as much.

If you want to apply the intellect, apply it.

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Apparently, Rob Bell got a six-figure advance for his book in which he essentially denies the existence of hell.

To which, what, exactly is the difference between Bell, who is leveraging unorthodox biblical tenets to drive profits for his ministry, and televangelists who do the same?

You can make a scriptural case for universalism. You can make a scriptural case for Osteen's vision of the prosperity gospel.

Neither position bears much scrutiny. Christianity pretty much is what it is. But both are extremely profitable.

You will never lose money telling people what they want to hear. Sadly, this is nowhere more true than in the Christian religion.

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Tonight is the first night of the NCAA tournament. These "play-in" games remind me of the third tier bowl games nobody cares about. Maybe they can get Meineke to sponsor one of the games.

Why does the NCAA insist on making stupid decisions. This would be like the NFL saying "you know what? Let's turn the Superbowl into a three game series."

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Japan has been hit by a tsunami. The Middle East is in a state of revolt. The economy is at least reasonably likely to double-dip into recession. What does Barack Obama do?

He pens an article for an Arizona daily about the need for moderation on gun control.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2011/03/13/op-ed-president-obama-arizona-daily-star-we-must-seek-agreement-gun-refo

At least he isn't calling for dialogue.

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Of course, if he wants to make an enemy of the smartest advocacy group on the planet for no real reason, I'm inclined to let him fall on that sword.

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Apparently, I do not know how to eat Bimimbap. Our waitress at Sole Cafe observed our dish, asked "why are you eating it like that?" and proceeded to add rice, hot sauce, and mix the whole thing up.

Korean food needs instructions. Good thing it tastes so awesome.

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Victory 44 has bought out the coffee shop next door and opening a deli and high-end coffee shop, featuring house-cured meats, charcuterie and take out foods.

This is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life.

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We find out baby's gender on March 25. Once it is born, I'll probably be handing over blogger responsibilities to him or her.

Brian McLaren and the Royal "We"

2011-03-10T18:34:00.004-06:00

Brian McLaren is not my favorite person. Let's just put it that way. Here goes.

With all the angst about the economy, the deficit, and a looming government shut-down, I’m still concerned that we’re treating symptoms rather than diagnosing the underlying disease.

Well, actually, we aren't really treating the symptoms either. The Obama administration is treating the economy like a doctor who recommends whiskey for a diabetes patient, so he can feel better after a dog eats his toes.

I know something about this. I spent a week in the hospital last year having loads of tests done — blood work, heart scans, stress tests, and sonograms. I was discharged without a diagnosis, merely with hopes that by treating the symptoms, whatever was wrong would go away. It didn’t. It turned out my real problem was a tick-born disease,

Great analogy. Thanks, Brian. Use Deep Woods Off next time.

Too often, what we get instead of diagnosis is blame shifting, with Republicans and Democrats pointing across the aisle: “It’s their fault!” Or even less helpful, we get vicious scapegoating, where we vent our frustration and anxiety on some minority group — Muslims, gays, and immigrants for starters.

WE blame gays and immigrants? So is McLaren owning up to viciously scapegoating gays for the bad economy? Shame on you Brian McLaren, for viciously scapegoating gays.

"I viciously scapegoat gays,"

-Brian McLaren

Most of our spiritual leaders seem to be shirking their responsibility in this regard, leaving it up to Michael Moore, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert to challenge our conscience.

"Michael Moore, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert challenge my conscience"

-Brian McLaren

When will more and more pastors, priests, rabbis, and imams join together and lead their people in a process of national self-examination to deal with our spiritual deficit?

Note. Do any of my readers have any spiritual leaders who do not lead a process of dealing with your spiritual deficit? Like, you show up to service, and your pastor talks about the best happy hour specials or something? Is that true of ANYONE?

We would, among other things, have to face our humility deficit.

I shouldn't be snarky. Brian McLaren can teach us a thing or two about humility. After all, he just confessed that he viciously scapegoats gays for the economy. I wouldn't admit that. Of course, I don't do it either.

When things go wrong in the world, we have a well-practiced habit of blaming others

"I blame others"

-Brian McLaren

Charlie Sheen and Muammar Gaddafi might just offer us an exaggerated reflection of our own unacknowledged denial about our national arrogance.

The hell? What is unacknowledged denial? What does acknowledged denial look like? Acceptance? This sentence is an exaggerated reflection of what happens when you use adjectives in lieu of analysis.

It’s astounding, when you think about it,

I just thought about it. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to declare that Gaddafi offers us an exaggerated reflection of our unacknowledged denial.

that “American Exceptionalism” hasn’t been exposed as a cover for American arrogance; every time we pull out that verbal credit card, we add more to our national humility deficit.

Well THAT's astounding. Brian McLaren reminds me of those sportswriters who arbitrarily write a piece about how Derek Jeter is the best player of all time because he just plays the right way. I bet you, at some point in his life, Brian McLaren has said exactly that.

What portion of our anti-government sentiment, truth be told, flows from a legitimate concern about government waste,

All of it. Seriously.

and what percentage flows from a “what’s mine is mine and to hell with anybody else” mindset?

None of it. Seriously.

Our “dress-for-success” religiosity, aimed at sending “vote for me” signals to winnable religious constituencies, will take us to a very different place than a sincere pursuit of naked spirituality will.

Shall I remind my readers that Brian McLaren helmed the Matthew 25 network, aimed at providing spiritual cover for the Obama campaign?

Could it be that oil spills in the outer environment manifest our spiritual failure to restrain greed? Could melting ice caps manifest an over-heated spiritual condition?

I remember when I was a Junior in high school. My teacher, Marie Abele, wrote in the margins of an essay "you use this word (manifest) a lot. Do you own a thesaurus?"

Could our insatiable budget for more and bigger weapons betrays a lack of faith in the power of nonviolent peace-making, that our nostalgia for a mythical good-old-days betrays our lack of hope in God’s guidance to a better tomorrow, and that our demonization of the other signifies our lack of love for God, neighbor, stranger, and enemy?

"Derek Jeter is the greatest of all time because he just plays the right way."

-Brian McLaren

In short, could our fiscal financial deficit be revealing a spiritual deficit — not just in “them,” but in all of us?

Possibly. I mean, you are demonizing the other, scapegoating the gays, being challenged by Michael Moore. You should repent, or something. Our sea levels are high enough, dammit.

Are we ready to go into treatment?

After you, sir. Take the ticks with you.

Monday Musings

2011-03-07T14:35:00.003-06:00

The Miami Heat spent the weekend losing basketball games and crying in their locker room. That makes me indescribably happy. Let's muse.

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Enough with the Planned Parenthood re-branding, already. It's not a woman's education clinic anymore than Kentucky Fried Chicken is a purveyor of vegetarian dishes and sporks. It makes it's money providing abortions. It spends its money providing abortions. If it did not provide abortions, it would cease to exist.

You can agree with that practice if you want, but I know a bucket of chicken when I see it.

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We all know that teachers aren't the only public sector employees, right? Like, city inspectors are public sector employees, too. We all know this?

Allow me to make a prediction. If Scott Walker decides to win this game of pseudo-chicken and announces layoffs, the unions will see to it that those let go are sympathetic individuals. Administrators making $225k per year? You're safe.

Single mom who works as an admin to support her four kids? Well, you'll have plenty of time for television interviews, sweetheart. Gotta give it up for the cause.

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City Pages has a special food insert more or less devoted to Stewart Woodman, of Heidi's fame.

He has an outstanding response to an Atlantic piece that decided to criticize foodies for no reason. Page 33. Go see.

http://www.citypages.com/flipbook/2011-restaurant-guide-1795729/

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Mike Huckabee had a pretty disastrous week last week. Talked about Obama's youth spent in Kenya with his dad. Dissed Natalie Portman for no apparent reason.

Have I mentioned that I have no interest in this guy getting the Republican nomination? I have no interest in this guy getting the Republican nomination.

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Caught the movie Cyrus last night. I found it a triumph. Surprised to see Jonah Hill can actually act, rather than just staring into the camera and deadpanning.

Also saw The King's Speech at the Heights Theater. An exquisite pairing. That is now my favorite place to watch a movie.

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Wife and I headed to Cafe Lurcat for restaurant week. I had somehow assumed the place was coasting on its prime location. It is not. I'd head back for the sea bass, and that was a mighty fine crab cake. Nice work, all around.

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I cannot at all recommend On's Thai Kitchen, the new offshoot of Bangkok Thai Deli. Extremely inconsistent food, ketchupy tasting noodle dishes. It's getting lot's of foodie buzz, and aside from it's pedigree, I can't see why.

Publish Post

I'll stick to Lemongrass, which remains, for my money, the best Thai food in the twin cities.

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Let's all just lay off Charlie Sheen, eh? Or at least can it with the dumb jokes on Twitter. Our obsession with drugged up celebrities has become so banal that mocking our obsession with drugged up celebrities has become banal.

Oscar musings

2011-02-27T23:50:00.003-06:00

So the Oscars were an unmitigated failure. Let's muse...

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Insert Pineapple Express joke here.

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Everyone was buzzing about whether Banksy would reveal himself if his film won for best Documentary. Problem is, his film was nominated alongside a movie called "The Inside Job", which was about Wall Street corruption. That movie could have been 90 minutes of Bill Paxton playing flute in front of Goldman Sachs and it would have won.

Banksy wasn't going to happen.

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Anne Hathaway sang a song about being on her own because her partner bailed on her. How apropos. James Franco spent he entire evening looking both high and mildly inconvenienced.

Dude, you're hosting the Oscars. You can't just do an ironic thing with it. This is no time for bemusement. Smile and make jokes about the British. Dammit, do something!

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Whoever thought it was a good idea to kick off the show with an extended presentation crafted for a person severely debilitated by a stroke should not be hired again to do much of anything. That was about as comfortable as watching Saddam's hanging.

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Hathaway introduces Billy Crystal, who introduces a hologram of Bob Hope, who introduces more presenters. Well, you can't say it looked good on paper.

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Melissa Leo said the 'F' word, rather obviously on purpose. The media hype she got reminds me of the way a room of adults will devote attention to a screaming toddler instead of ignoring or spanking it.

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The Wolfman won best makeup. I think Wolfman should take out television ads touting it as "The Oscar Winning Wolfman"?

That has to be the least relevant Oscar win of all time.

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I mean, aside from every award Shakespeare in Love won, of course.

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In a night punctuated by famous film scores, it is unnecessary to do a montage in honor of film scores.

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Nobody likes Gone With The Wind, okay? Everyone who did like it is dead. You hear me? Dead. I will never show that movie to my children. They will not show it to their children's children. It. Has. Not. Aged. Well.

We don't salute The African Queen 22 times per Oscar telecast, do we? Enough with this damn movie.

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Upon winning some Oscar, the winner disses his daughter's guinea pig. That was the best moment of the evening.

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Trent Reznor looks like a YMCA camp counselor now. I wonder if he drives a Subaru Outback. When was the last time a truly great score won the Oscar for best score?

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Did this just happen in our media market, or was there a multi-part marathon commercial for Fancy Feast that segued abruptly into ABC announcing it is renewing it's contract? That was some disconcerting TV, right there.

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The person who pitched a two-part Fancy Feast advertisement should join the guy who lined up Kirk Douglas to riff for five minutes to sell banana-peeling robots to the homeless. I mean, if nobody is there to second-guess your ideas...

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Good of the Academy to spoil a key plot development in True Grit in the midst of announcing the nominees for best sound mixing. Seriously?

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Men in drag is pretty much an act of desperation. Are there not enough writers in Hollywood to make a three minute sketch work between two Oscar nominated actors? 'Cause I'm available.

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Colin Firth ends the night on a classy note. Prepared speeches are the way to go. Spontaneous revelations of one's inability to compose a coherent thought are not impressive to anyone.

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I'm done with this. Next year, Billy Crystal, Steve Martin or Jon Stewart.

Monday Musings - Not emotional edition

2011-02-20T23:34:00.004-06:00

Snowmageddon Part 14 canceled my business trip. So much wrong there, let's muse.

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People are really emotional about this Wisconsin teachers thing. It is very strange to get emotional about the question of whether and how someone should negotiate his or her wages.

I do not get to negotiate my wages in any meaningful sense. Nobody is emotional about this. I am not emotional about this. There is no reason to be emotional about this.

Like, what happens, I think, is that people read talking points and stuff. They formulate a position, and internalize it. and then that position becomes part of them. It's hard not to be emotional about you.

But also, a lot of people know teachers. It's easy to be emotional about friends.

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I won't comment on which side I find to be exploiting emotions. Just look at your Facebook status updates.

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I think I speak for every Republican, though, when I say, literally, that I hate teachers. Let's just let the cat out of the bag, as there is no other reasonable conclusion. I'm glad we were able to hash the discussion out on this level. Reasonable dissent is a bad idea.

Also, screw unicorns.

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Dodge car commercials are, suddenly, very entertaining. Their cars, on the other hand, remain poor. To which, it costs like $2,000,000 to craft a bunch of really interesting ads. It costs, like, a billion to make a better car.

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Or you can be like Chevy and do neither. There is that option, clearly.

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On Facebook, generally:

I hate esoteric assertions of a foul mood on Facebook. Not because they are esoteric, or foul, but because they could refer to anything. People are often literally just as devastated by soggy french fries as they are by major calamities.

So you try to engage their esoteric expression of foulness, thinking it's a soggy french fries scenario, or maybe they didn't realize Tab was diet all this time.

Then, boom, mom's dead, drunk driving, something awful happened in Tibet. No french fries involved. Now you're the heavy. Kind of an ugly bait and switch.

Solution: I could shut up, but that's boring, and defeats the purpose of Social Media.

Better solution: If mom's dead and your childhood friend was arrested, say "my mom's dead and my childhood friend was arrested", and not "life is so hard sometimes... Thank God for Doritos."

Right?

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Buy a snow blower. Just do. You don't know what you're missing, but that is irrelevant to the question of whether you are missing something. That's a very bourgeois sentiment to apply to snow, but I have this question licked, and am certain of my position.

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I am not emotional about snow blowers, no. I'm bourgeois about them, but not emotional.

I did get emotional over the construction of the gas can I recently purchased. There are settings, and they are tricky, and must be executed simultaneously. Again, this is a product whose only purpose is to store gasoline, and to facilitate introduction of same into a tank. Some obsessive-compulsive engineer was given too much latitude, I think.

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The baby is coming along nicely. Thank you for asking. He/she is the size of a hamster or so, and has eyes, probably. It has not exploded, and does not seem to be retarded. That's about as far as I've gotten in the minutiae.

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Was it really necessary for MSP to cancel every flight yesterday? I can't imagine this is so. This sort of has a "you have to turn off your computers at certain altitudes" vibe to it. I'm sure planes can operate in light snow, even if that light snow is projected to turn into heavy snow.

Is anyone an expert on aviation? I will be mildly disappointed if not.

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Done.

Long time, no post. Let's beat up on Sojourners.

2011-02-16T22:36:00.005-06:00

So here's the thing. For two years, I have asked Sojourners to stop sending me crap, insofar as they literally banned conservatives from posting on their blog.

After the Tuscon shootings, Sojourners sent me another money request, in the name of civility. I again asked that they stop. Nonetheless, the shills abide. Sucks having to cover the cost of a $160,000 per year huckster whose only goal is to sell books and get noticed at the White House, I suppose.

Naturally, Sojo is disgusted by the idea of budget cuts. Why can't we simply buy more crap we can't afford? That's what Jesus would do. Let's rock...

School lunch assistance for the hungry classmate of your child or grandchild.

Who is probably overweight, if not obese, but also covered regardless of what budget cut takes place.

Tax credits for your neighbor struggling to make ends meet.

If you are struggling to make ends meet, what could you possibly have done to deserve the sort of tax credits that are under threat?

Investment in your city’s low-income school districts.

Mostly threatened by the fact that thinking parents (and that's most of 'em) have gotten out of dodge, so to speak.

Mosquito nets and vaccines for children in impoverished nations.

Which Barack Obama literally promised to cut, with no outcry from Sojourners.

We can’t let them place the burden of deficit reduction on the poor and vulnerable.

Believe me, it isn't. It's on the people who are reading this, who are almost certainly paying taxes.

But this week we need to step it up a notch – or two! So, we plan to: Run an ad campaign called “What Would Jesus Cut?” We’ve already raised the first 10% of the cost and we need you to give a gift of $25, $50, or $100 to help us with the rest.

Let's face it, that exclamation point is pretty much just a third notch.

Send a physical reminder to members of Congress. For every donation made, we’ll send a “What Would Jesus Cut?” bracelet to a congressional office – that means 535 people need to support this work. Don’t worry, we’ll send you a bracelet as well.

Eric Cantor will be thrilled to receive this. Doesn't he know he made a pledge to Jesus Christ to advance stupid political ideas?

Other interest groups have well-paid lobbyists to protect their budget portions, but who will defend the poor if people of faith don’t?

Other lobbyists. But yes, let's all give our money to Sojourners to preserve the system whereby the best lobbyist wins.

We know you are as concerned as we are about the hungry children, the struggling neighbors, and the poor around the world. This is our chance to make our voice heard and to challenge the moral priorities of Washington.

And trains. Don't forget trains! If trains can't get from Pittsburgh to Hartford in less than five hours, little Timmy o'Toole will literally starve to death. Shame on Republicans for putting him in that well.

Give today!

Yeah, again...

P.S. Feel free to email us with more ideas on how other Christian fads of the ‘90s can be put to use in defending the poor!

Not kidding. This was seriously in the e-mail. Heck, I'm game. My ideas.

- Co-opt the whole "oral sex isn't sex" meme. The financial possibilities are endless.

- A "what would my coffee-shop/mega-church in the northern suburbs of Chicago cut?" diamond pendant.

- I KISSED FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY GOODBYE!

More civility twaddle

2011-01-26T10:57:00.002-06:00

Chuck Colson (a man of God for whom I have much respect) and Jim Wallis (not so much) have teamed up to write a treacly piece in Christianity Today about the need for civility. Yawn. Let's see what they have to say.

Title: Conviction and Civility

We should not lose this moment for moral reflection and renewal.

Who are we? Do Colson and Wallis intend to morally reflect in this piece, and thereby renew?

We are both evangelical Christians who believe that our treatment of the poor, weak, and most vulnerable is how a society is best biblically measured.

Oh, so this is a piece on how we ought to treat the poor. I'm on board. Let's be awesome to the poor.

We believe these political differences are normal and even to be expected among citizens expressing their faith in the public arena, for God is neither a Democrat nor a Republican.

An admonition sometimes put into practice by one of the authors of this piece.

In the aftermath of the horrible and senseless shooting in Arizona and some of the troubling responses to it, we, as leaders in the faith community, affirm with one voice our principled commitment to civil discourse in our nation's public life.

Which again, the "senseless shooting", by virtue of being senseless, has literally nothing to do with civility. It's like saying:

In the aftermath of my being late to work due to traffic, I affirm the need to treat domesticated animals with respect.

In the aftermath of waiting 20 minutes for a table at Anchor Fish and Chips, I affirm the need to improve our public schools.

In the aftermath of the crisis in Haiti, I affirm the need to purchase more office supplies.

The President rightly said that no act of incivility can be blamed for the profoundly evil shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and the tragic killing and wounding of 19 of her constituents.

So why bring it up? Why is this the introduction to your piece?

Nonetheless, we should not lose this moment for moral reflection and renewal.

If incivility had nothing to do with the shootings, why is THIS the moment for moral reflection and renewal?

We must re-examine the tone and character of our public debate, because solving the enormous problems we face as a nation will require that we work for a more civil public square.

How so? We've solved much bigger problems with acrimony. Which ended slavery, the Missouri Compromise or the Civil War?

We live in a world where evil is very real and, in Arizona, we have just witnessed a brutal example of human depravity that has broken our hearts.

Which again, as President Obama conceded, has nothing whatsoever to do with civility. It is either incoherent or disingenuous to relentlessly inject this into your argument.

Yet, at the same time, the nation has been inspired by the heroism of so many ordinary people who rose to that terrible occasion and demonstrated our most noble human virtues.

Civility not being one of them. But yes, noble human virtues are good. On this we agree.

We believe that the faith community should lead by example and model the behavior that is informed by our biblical teachings—behavior that also essential to the survival of democracy.

Is hypocrisy a biblical virtue? Just wondering.

We recall the example of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who could never be accused of a lack of passion; yet he persisted in the non-violent treatment of his adversaries, hoping to win them over rather than to win over them.

Non-violence is civil. Civility is not non-violence. Conflating the two isn't going to compel me to change. Also, Martin Luther King was a great man, but was not in the Bible.

The obligation to show respect for others does not come from a soft sentimentalism but is rooted in the theological truth that we are all created in the image of God.

The notion that we should respect people simply because man was created in God's image is not a Biblical principle. It wasn't one of MLK's principles, either.

That means that when we disagree, especially when we strongly disagree, we should have robust debate but not resort to personal attack, falsely impugning others' motives, assaulting their character, questioning their faith, or doubting their patriotism.

A visit to Sojourners, Jim Wallis' organization, yields this piece from Julie Clawson on the need for a Missionary Code of Conduct.

Persecution (i.e. people being offended by you) is seen as a badge of honor for many missionaries. There is little conception that the faith they present and how they present it can be toxic. Calling people to love actual people and not just see them as “projects” that must get saved is just not the way things are done.

Now, this is a lot of things (and might even be somewhat accurate), but it certainly questions faith, impugns motives, and assaults character.

To which, I'll say it again. Civility (i.e. people agreeing with you) is seen as a badge of honor for people with an agenda. Once it no longer serves that agenda, the notion of civility goes out the door.

Any serious reflection on civility should acknowledge this phenomenon.

We must take care to not paint our political adversaries as our mortal enemies.

Did Colson even read this piece before signing it?

The working of democracy depends upon these virtues of civility.

This whole piece is like a Mad Lib, where every blank is filled in with a warm and fuzzy bromide. Snow on the RAINBOW can cause ice dams, therefore the key to KITTENS is to LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR. Just be sure you have a good PEACE ON EARTH!

Standing for principle is crucial to moral politics, but demonizing our opponents poisons the public square.

So do meaningless cliches.

The scriptural admonition to pray for those in political authority is more than a religious duty, it promotes good civic behavior.

Good point. Also, don't drink too much, and don't get in fist fights. #scripturaladvicewithwhichprettymucheveryoneagrees

Now back to civility.

The only redemption that might come from the horror we have seen in Arizona, and some of our worst partisan reactions to it,

Our worst? I'm sorry, the Republican partisan reaction to the murder was to pray for the victims. I didn't see a single Republican looking to blame this incident on politicians, left-wing crazies. I did, however, see plenty of Facebook posts (and one highly opinionated sheriff) accusing me, Sarah Palin and Fox News of having blood on their hands.

Also, had this not happened on a weekend, I can virtually assure you that Sojourners would have joined the chorus.

That would be a fitting tribute to those whose lives have been lost or forever changed by this tragedy.

Really? Like, if you lost a family member because some lunatic thought the government was trying to control him through grammar and gunned them down, you'd take solace in the fact that at least the tone of politics became somewhat nicer?

BS. The two have nothing to do with each other.

The left has newly discovered civility, and Barack Obama aptly defined what he means by civility when he said that we need to set aside our differences and rally behind his agenda. If that doesn't happen, it will be the fault of those who hate the poor, prefer ideology over reason, and are generally just stupid people.

Right is right, and it needn't be polite. Why Chuck Colson allowed himself to get roped into this hastily assembled collection of Democratic talking points is beyond me.

An Unsettling Event

2011-01-25T10:19:00.002-06:00

Keep my wife in your prayers.

The doctors have discovered a growth in her uterus. Per their diagnosis, it began festering in November.

Over time, the thing will grow, gradually consuming her until the doctors will have no choice but to slice open her stomach and tear the thing from a morass of intestines and internal organs.

To add insult to injury, thanks to some obscure provision of the Obamacare bill (or the EPA, we're not sure which), we will be responsible to nurture and care for the thing for nearly two decades thereafter.

Preliminary research indicates this process is messy and expensive. Absurdly, once the creation is able to forge it's own living, it then has no fiduciary obligation to us.

I know a few people who have had this happen. They are pretty much exhausted, have so social life, and smell like pee. Ugh.

I'm naming it Voltron.

This is why I vote Republican, people.

Monday Musings

2011-01-10T10:05:00.005-06:00

I didn't even have to scrape ice off my car today. A small victory with a nod to Ice Cube... Let's muse.

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Just about everything that could be said about Saturday's sickening assassination attempt in Arizona was said in an awful big hurry. That said, I'm a blogger, and I'm required to have an opinion, so here are some...

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At the service of his predictably hacky response, Paul Krugman makes a point with which I agree. He writes:

It’s important to be clear here about the nature of our sickness. It’s not a general lack of “civility,” the favorite term of pundits who want to wish away fundamental policy disagreements. Politeness may be a virtue, but there’s a big difference between bad manners and calls, explicit or implicit, for violence; insults aren’t the same as incitement.

Setting aside the "sickness" business, this is absolutely correct. Pity he doesn't take this reasoning to its logical conclusion.

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I'm really looking forward to the hair-splitting arguments about the difference between cross-hairs and bulls-eyes, aren't you?

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Here's a deal for my lefty friends. Just as I didn't remind you that you were once up in arms over George W. Bush's alleged cocaine use, I also will not remind you of your sudden distaste for political metaphors that invoke violent imagery. Why? 'Cause I'm not that guy, and it would get annoying pretty quick.

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I'm reading a lot of arguments along the lines of "it doesn't matter whether the shooter was leftist or rightist. The climate of hate is spurring people to violence.

Gibberish. There is no such thing as a climate of hate. You are either inciting violence or you are not. If you are going to accuse someone of inciting violence, you are going to need to make a connection between rhetoric and action.

You can't have your cake and eat it, too. If you want to accuse someone of inciting violence, you had better make that case in a compelling fashion. Citing some nebulous notion of the atmosphere and climate makes you sound like a pussy.

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Speaking of... About this Sheriff Dupnick fellow. When you are sheriff, as a mass murder by a disturbed individual happens on your watch, I'm interested in hearing about what you are going to do to make sure it doesn't happen again. Whether or not Rush Limbaugh is indirectly responsible viz. atmospheric tampering, the sheriff is the one paid to make sure people don't die.

I'm glad he has opinions on politics and stuff. That's real cute. It's great for people to be involved in our political process. Maybe he should run for political office someday.

Until you do, be a sheriff, eh?

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And, let's all be reminded, political rhetoric has ALWAYS been brutal. There has never, EVER been a point in American history when Americans said "you know what, I might disagree with some of these ideas, but I'm pretty much fine trying whatever."

Hamilton was shot in the testicles. Nixon was burned in effigy. Bush was compared to Hitler. Somebody actually took the time to kill James Garfield.

If you are just now discovering the fact that politics is a tough business, read some history. If you are pretending to do so, don't expect to persuade any reasonable person with your opportunism.

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Coca-Colanomics and health care

2011-01-05T09:42:00.004-06:00

An economics lesson...

-My company (of eight employees) generously supplies non-alcoholic beverages at no cost to employees.

-Our office is evenly divided between Diet Coke drinkers and sugary beverage drinkers. Bottled water consumption is evenly distributed.

- Our office consumes far more Diet Coke than any other beverage.

The reason is complex, but revealing.

All beverages come at an equal monetary cost (specifically, $0.00) to employees. However, sugary beverages have a lot of calories. Consequently, there is a cost built-in to consumption; one not endemic to bottled water or Diet Coke.

Diet Coke has one notable benefit that bottled water does not. Namely, caffeine. Sugary soda has this as well, but has the built-in cost. As such, Diet Coke hits a sort of sweet spot (no pun intended) in terms of consumption.

For the company, there is an inherent benefit to providing free beverages. In addition to promoting morale, it keeps us from going to the store, thereby decreasing productivity. It also extracts a nominal cost on employees. After all, if money is spent on soda, it can't be spent on compensation.

Our present system, though, stocks soda based on the evenly distributed preferences of our employees. As such, we are always running out of Diet Coke, and the company is spending a lot of money on same. Further, it encourages the consumption of Diet Coke, almost certainly beyond that which employees would choose to consume on their own.

For a small company, of course, this is not big deal. It is much appreciated by employees, of course, but the productivity at our billing rate offsets the cost of soda very quickly.

But consider a larger company, one with 100 employees. Replenishing soda supplies requires a dedicated staff member, since simply throwing a few cans in the fridge is futile in the face of the beverage needs of 100 employees. Devoted refrigerator space becomes the least labor intensive solution.

So larger companies are faced with the prospect of purchasing more refrigeration units, or running out of space. In the latter scenario, what happens?

Well, it stands to reason the soda gets cold. 100 employees aren't going to drink warm pop without organizing a revolt. Refrigerator space available to individual employees is almost certainly compromised.

But remember, the system is designed to stock soda in accordance with the evenly distributed preferences of employees. The dedicated employee calls in an order that does not change from month to month. Inevitably, the Diet Coke supply will vanish. But so, too, has the fridge space devoted to individual employee needs.

What happens to the diet soda drinkers? Well, they buy their own, which is fine. Soda is a privilege, not a right. But they don't have anywhere to put it, because the fridge is full of raspberry-garlic ginger ale once requested by the eccentric accountant who got fired for looking at porn on his work computer eight months ago. The rest of the space is devoted to critical items, like lunch.

The simple solution would be to change the monthly order to reflect the increased Diet Coke consumption. Alas, Janie, the chubby admin in charge of ordering beverages, happens to like sugary soda, doesn't understand why the Diet Soda runs out first, and isn't going to let anyone else wrest her one opportunity to feel powerful.

So employees, many of whom were content bringing their own cans of pop from home, are forced to buy it cold soda from the store, at a heavy mark up. Meanwhile, they still incur the cost of the company's "free soda" perk.

Now imagine government subsidized health care. It sounds good, in theory. Everyone can get care whenever they want it.

But what happens? Absent any monetary cost, users will gravitate to services that have no built-in cost and lot's of built-in benefit. Think sore backs and Percocet vs. colonoscopies and mammograms.

Those who have genuinely hurting backs, and are willing to pay to have them checked (and who are also diligent about getting other, less convenient parts checked) will have to pay a premium, thanks to the Vicodin addicts. As an added bonus, they will be on the hook for the major long-term care that becomes necessary when those who avoided affordable-but-uncomfortable procedures are finally whisked to the hospital. At least the Diet Coke drinkers don't have to pay for the Mountain Dew drinkers' diabetes shots.

Reasonable tweaks to the system will become impossible, as powerful new administrators lobby on behalf of their union-inflated compensation package and undeserved power.

Of course, unlike soda, health care will eat up a sizable portion of our income. That amount will continue to grow until someone realizes that, in a company of 300,000,000 people, it's a lot more reasonable to have people bring their own soda to work.

Best of 2010: Restaurants

2011-01-03T23:13:00.003-06:00

Decided to do something different with my best restaurants list this year. Simply put, these are my best meals of 2010, in very particular order. Congrats, Saffron, you are my restaurant of the year.

Everyone read this, and then check these places out in 2011

Saffron

When, I arrived, the host immediately wished me a happy birthday, and “Happy Birthday Kevin” was printed on my menu. Cheesy? Birthdays are cheesy.

More important was the food. Lamb brains and steak for me. Beet salad and chicken with eggplant lavosh for the wife. All four were simply outstanding. Chef Wadi has such an extraordinary command of such broad range of flavors that you find yourself fishing for analogies far cheesier than the “happy birthday” bit.

This was my third meal of the year at Saffron, and all have been amazing. This restaurant is running on all cylinders right now, and it’s the one restaurant I can confidently say would actually benefit from a move to a bigger food market. Don’t let that happen. Go.

Cave Vin

I think the words criminally underrated are in order. We popped by during restaurant week at my wife’s discretion. We were both thrilled with the result.

I had escargot, mussels and braised short rib. If you are going to ingest 8,000 calories in a meal (not an exaggeration), this is the way to do it. Nothing revolutionary, just fantastic technique on display in a subtly romantic room. I will remember that balsamic reduction for, well, until I eat their short rib again.

The Strip Club

I’m not a steak joint kind of guy. In Minnesota, we have access to great cuts of meat, and I know how to prepare them. Throwing down $60 for 26 oz. of meat and hash browns isn’t my idea of a good night.

Enter The Strip Club. First of all, they use grass fed cuts of meat, which feature a higher degree of difficulty. Second, my rib eye clocked in under $30.

Third, instead of 8 lbs. of cheesy potatoes on the side, TSC offers a remarkable array of small plates. The Devils eggs earn every accolade they have received, and the poutine is decadent fun.

Throw in great service, and one of the coolest spaces in the cities, and this is a steakhouse I can get behind.

Victory 44

Yes, it’s my neighborhood place. I’ve been there 44 times. I’m their mayor on Foursquare. I’ve been with it through it’s various iterations, including their time with the now Travail chefs at the helm.

What has impressed me is the consistency. Regardless of format, or chefs at the helm, the food has always been interesting and affordable.

Of late, the place has caught fire, culminating in a New Years Eve tasting menu presented by chef Erick Harcey. He is nothing if not ambitious, and his cuisine has the occasional rough spots, but when it hits, it really shines.

Highlights: Pork belly with pops of jalapeno balancing ribbons of apricot gel. A dessert made with foie gras, and black cod fused with prosciutto.

Black Sheep

Tradition holds that restaurants do their worst work during Valentines Day and New Years. And yet, one entry on this list was our NYE meal, and the other is Black Sheep, where I spent V-day with my lovely bride.

Black Sheep eschews the traditions prix fixe menus and crowded romances, and simply does its regular shtick. Get there early enough, and you get a seat. We picked up a place at the lovely bar. The room, sequestered in the basement of a warehouse loft complex in the North Loop, is redolent of charm and garlic.

A crock of olives and such was needlessly hot, but tasty, but that is some pizza to get hot over. Black Sheep nails everything, from crust, to ingredients, to reheating instructions. At the same time, it’s an exercise in elegant simplicity. Just like love.

La Sirena Gorda

The kid in candy store metaphor is overused, but it rings pretty true when I enter Midtown Global Market. That said, I find myself going back to La Sirena Gorda, in spite of the wonders around me.

The calamari tacos are simply one of the best plates you can find in the cities. That they clock in under $10 is every reason for you to go get them, and a testament to a chef who can make great food out of affordable ingredients.

Corner Table

The backlash against the localvore movement has commenced, but that doesn’t make Scott Pampuch any less a great chef. Handpicked for our anniversary dinner, Corner Table delivered on every score.

The nosh plate was lovely and innovative, and I say that as someone who hates the word “nosh” (it’s the first syllable of the word ‘nauseous’, and pretentious besides). But, having taken half a dozen stabs at gazpacho myself, I am extra-appreciative of how hard that is too pull off.

I’ll also note that this place has made me a fan of the “eggs for dinner” movement. Poached and perched perfectly on poultry. That’s the way to do it.

Sole Café

The ultimate underdog. Simply two great chefs making the best Korean food in the cities. The spicy pork stir-fry is lovingly prepared (and the chef will come out to make sure you love it), but it’s the Korean accoutrements that got to me.

To be honest, I have never understood why Korean restaurants feel compelled to serve patrons a salad bar of goodies. Thanks to Sole Café, I’ve gotten religion in that regard. All I can say is, go try.

Piccolo

Unapologetically fussy. Not as perfect as it needs to be. Still, it was a lot of fun to dine here. The service was near flawless, the wines represent a remarkable value, and the food…

About that. Piccolo has been a bit controversial for serving what, for this market, constitute remarkably small portions. The idea is that you can order a sequence of dishes to sate your demonstrated appetite. However, when going for a light bite, we were brought two baskets of bread.

Further, a couple of the courses needed work. But the hits were electric. The octopus was the best thing I’ve ate this year, and our cheesecake dessert was astonishing as well.

At present, this place is a bit overrated. But it’s hard to fault the critics for being excited about the potential. Just be prepared for the price point, and the portion size. It’s a different philosophy, and one that Americans would do well to embrace.

I Nonni

On the opposite end of the philosophy, I Nonni offers a three-course all-you-can-eat menu on Tuesdays. The three courses were delicious, the all-you-can-eat redundant. Three courses are plenty.

This is the best Italian in Lilydale, naturally, but also the Twin Cities. You cannot leave without eating the Veal Osso Buco. I’ll put it this way: there is more the Italian than pasta.

2010 Predictions Reviewed for Accuracy

2010-12-28T22:16:00.003-06:00

Prediction: R.T. Rybak will run for governor as the mayor who reduced crime in Minneapolis. This will become his downfall, as opponents are able to tie the inevitable increase in crime to Rybak's decision to take cops of the streets in favor of pretty fountains and buyout for lecherous lesbian firefighters.

Reality: Not only did crime increase, but the year began with a spate of homocides, rendering Rybak's bit something of a non-starter. Somehow, the Democrats managed to field an even more poorly qualified candidate. Thanks, Dems.

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Prediction: After some awkward posturing, Conan O'Brien is hired by Comedy Central (and not FOX), officially shifting the television game from network to cable TV.

Reality: Not sure what awkward posturing I was anticipating, but O'Brien did make the switch to cable TV, adding loads of credibility to TBS and doing quite a bit to move the game to cable.

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Prediction: The Lions will draft well, to which sportswriters will respond by declaring the team a sleeper to grab a wild card spot. The Lions will not win a wild card spot.

Reality: The Lions drafted well, were declared a sleeper to grab a wild card spot, and did not win a wild card spot.

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Prediction: The Vikings will not win the Superbowl, and their fans will not win their battle to build a new stadium.

Reality: The Vikings did not win the Superbowl, though a conveniently timed roof collapse would seem to render the new stadium something of a fait accompli.
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Prediction: Republicans will come within 4 seats of taking both the House and Senate.

Reality: Half right. The Republicans need for more seats for the Senate, but won the House by a historic margin.

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Prediction: Clint Eastwood will direct his final film, which will be hailed as the best of his career, and will become the presumptive favorite in a strong class of Oscar nominees. Richard Jenkins will get an Oscar nomination for his role in a surprisingly watchable remake of Let The Right One In.

Reality: Eastwood isn't done yet, and this year's offering, Hereafter, snapped a huge winning streak. Odd, since Matt Damon does an outstanding job of selecting scripts, and Eastwood knows how to handle end of life issues with subtlety and tact.

Let the Right One In was surprisingly very good, and Chloe Moretz would be a shoo-in for a nomination if the film did better at the box office.

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Prediction: Several restaurants will open, or restructure their menus, in a bid to appeal to a recession-induced appetite for giant portions of bland comfort food. At least one-quarter of these establishments will shutter their doors in 2010.

Reality: Forum, Ringo, a new Crave location, BLVD and the absurdly named Wondrous Azian Kitchen opened, and Ringo is already out. That said, Piccolo and Travail opened, Haute Dish is earning raves for allegedly not-at-all-bland comfort food, and most restaurants revamped their menus in order to reflect new talent in the kitchen.

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Prediction: Health care will come off the table, as the Democratic congress scatters to pass a flurry of largely symbolic legislation aimed at placating a new-found populism among the electorate.

Reality: Alas, no. Not sure why Obama waited until after the elections to unfurl his relatively moderate new tax plan. Did the Dems really think November was going to be smooth sailing?

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Prediction: Mac will suffer a backlash, as budget-conscious consumers refuse to pay a premium for products that only work with proprietary software and hardware. The two-year contract becomes a mere formality, as companies eager to upgrades allow consumers more flexibility.

Reality: The iPad, literally a super-sized version of an existing product that was originally popular by virtue of being small, sold millions of units. Also, I am typing this on a Mac, and I have an iPhone.

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Prediction: Norm Coleman will make noise by re-considering his decision not to run for governor. Brett Favre comparisons will abound. He will run, and he will win.

Reality: Nope. He would absolutely have won, and I have to think he would have run had he known how the electoral landscape was shaping up.

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Up next: Predictions for 2011!

The centrists last gasp

2010-12-27T23:07:00.002-06:00

Preface: Prior to the 2008 presidential election, Republican strategist David Frum joined a small handful of Republicans in (to varying degrees) endorsing Obama's candidacy. They cited his election as a moment for Republicans to shed their anti-government persuasions and head to the political center, where the pork is. It was the only way to save the party, we were told.

Of course, Frum's brand of liberal Republicanism failed mightily at the polls, as a strong libertarian revolt drove very conservative Republicans to victory in moderate districts. And so Frum's followers are left Frumdering. Consider this nonsense, from Kenneth Silber, entitled Libertarian Revolution? Not Exactly. He begins with a quote from another piece, written by Christopher Beam:

Libertarians, of both left and right, haven’t been this close to power since 1776. But do we want to live in their world?

Upon seeing that subhead, I tweeted:

Libertarians, of both left and right, haven’t been this close to power since 1776.” http://bit.ly/fPraNw So much wrong with this sentence.

So much wrong? Wow, that's a stirring indictment. What, pray tell, is wrong with this sentence?

Nobody used the political label “libertarian” in 1776.

Yep. He leads with that one. In related news, participants in the Boston Tea Party did not refer to themselves as the Tea Party Movement. Thanks for the aggressive banality, Kenneth.

The American founders were not exactly “close to power” in 1776, as they were waging a decidedly uphill struggle at that time against the British Empire.

Oh dear. Before I get started on this, I should note that I looked up "1776" on Wikipedia. It gives this definition:

Year 1776 (MDCCLXXVI) was a leap year starting on Monday (link will display the full calendar) of the Gregorian calendar (or a leap year starting on Friday of the 11-day slower Julian calendar).

That is blithely point missing, not unlike Kenneth's commentary. Seriously, America (yes, THAT America) signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776. Throughout all of history, I cannot think of a better example of being "close to power" than that document.

There’s little consensus as to what constitutes libertarianism today... And some who call themselves libertarian are actually left-leaning like comedian Bill Maher.

Yes, idiots like the idea of calling themselves libertarian. They think it means "super-duper-liberal". Simply because Bill Maher decided to co-opt the term doesn't mean there is not consensus as to what the ideology stands for. It refers to an ideology that prefers as little government as possible, and for that government to be as de-centralized as possible.

That idea is certainly en vogue at the moment, much to the dismay of the idiots who doubled-down on the idea Americans were looking for a nanny state. Kenneth what's-his-face might be irrelevant, but good ideas are not.

Ron Paul gets considerable play in the New York article as an exemplar of libertarianism (and Reason has largely embraced him as such too, despite some past qualms). It is highly debatable whether Paul’s political prominence signifies a “libertarian moment” or rather just a tragedy whereby libertarianism becomes conflated with a particular strain of illiberal, conspiracy-minded twaddle.

This isn't an argument. Mostly, it's just adjectives. A more relevant argument might be that Paul supported the war in Afghanistan, and so rendered his alleged ideological purity w/r/t Iraq unfounded. That is an argument an intelligent person would make, but since he didn't make it...
I find most of what is written on the Frum Forum to be twaddle, but that has no bearing on whether it is influential. Kenneth's argument seems to be "I disagree, therefore everyone agrees with me."

Begs the question, suffices to say.

In sum, it is quite easy — and often lazy — for people to call themselves libertarian and to suggest the founding fathers were too.

In sum? He hasn't defended this thesis at all.

I'm no fan of liberals, but I have to say I hate moderates even more.

Monday Musings - Boxer Day Edition

2010-12-26T21:50:00.003-06:00

When is Boxer day? It's sometime between Christmas and New Years, I know, but is it today? Anyway, you can Google it, let's muse...

Anyone catch that Little Caesar's Bowl last night? It's is actually underway as I type, but short of a terrorist attack at the stadium, I can't imagine Toledo vs. Florida International generating any memorable news. Congrats FIU, probably.

Okay, I looked it up, FIU is 6-6. They're just in a bowl game because the word Florida is in the name of their school, aren't they? The Gophers should change their name to the Minnesota Fighting Florida, but only for football.

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Thesis: The Minnesota Vikings are single-handedly destroying professional football.

Supporting argument: The Metrodome. Billed as a multi-purpose monument to sports, the thing is actually a monumental turd, constructed as such SOLELY for the purpose of being able to also accommodate football games. Gotta love a stadium whose inspiration comes from civil visionaries Detroit and New Orleans.

Supporting argument: The Herschel Walker trade, which consequently gave us years of Cowboys dominance, thereby allowing owners to unaccountably piss away draft picks to acquire marginal talent. Seriously, EVERY trade looks smart after that trade.

Supporting argument: Randy Moss's first stint with the team. We can thank him for the NFL's gestapo anti-celebration policies, which apparently include delineating how many players (one) can celebrate with the fans at a give time.

Supporting argument: The playoff non-sellout. The bandwagon mentality in this town is so profound that even teams with a marginal shot to win the championship are ignored.

Supporting argument: The Lake Minnetonka boat incident. Seriously, there's a time and a place for that sort of behavior. Namely happy hour at Lord Fletcher's. We can pretty much thank the boat people for the preponderance of sports gossip sites we now presently enjoy.

Supporting argument: Brett Favre. Now, every time a QB so much a spits into the breeze, we'll get 30,000 articles about their "mindset". Did you know Brett loves the game? He does, I found out, from sports broadcasters.

The Williams brothers: They've given every other juiced player a roadmap for evading consequences until their career is shored up to the point where consequences don't really matter.

Randy Moss II: I have no words.

The Metrodome collapse: Now, every team that wants a new stadium will simply allow theirs to deteriorate to the point it is no longer usable. That riser collapse killed twelve people! We must have a new stadium, for the children. Think of the children! They cry out for justice (that can only come with a new stadium).

Supporting argument: Postponement: In fairness, this was pretty much inevitable after the game, but it set the precedent for...

Supporting argument: Postponement II: I was told that the Vikings-Eagles game has been rescheduled due to the difficulty of finding parking. Hogwash. This is a transparent attempt to float the idea of Tuesday night football, which would solve a lot of problems for NBC. They get away with it because the story is about the Vikings wacky season. Think they'd do this if the Giants were in town?

Let's count it up, shall we? Bad trades, rules against fun, billions needlessly poured into new stadiums, and Tuesday night football.

Ship 'em to LA, already.

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Have you seen the weather forecast for Thursday and Friday? Storm Prophet Keith Marler has seen that the truth is not in us, and he is wrathful. His only solution is to destroy us, but he is just, forever and ever, Fox 9.

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Went to Victor's 1959 cafe last weekend. Greasy spoon with a twist, no big whoop, be sure to spring for the Cuban fry bread.

What I won't understand, however, is the Minnesotan willingness to wait forever for breakfast. Has we not parked two blocks away, there was no way I was waiting 20 minutes for a seat. And yet, some are willing to wait for over an hour at places like Al's Breakfast (greasy spoon, no twist), a place I have studiously avoided for years.

What gives? Why do we wait the longest for what, invariably, is the least remarkable meal of the day?

The case for consumerism

2010-12-22T14:18:00.002-06:00

There exists a large swath of the population that makes good money decrying consumerism. Never are they more vocal (or more profitable) than during the Christmas season. We have forgotten the reason for the season, we are told, and have sold ourselves into the bondage of consumerist avarice.

What is consumerism? It’s, um, well, it’s hard to define…

See, everyone consumes. Else we would die, cold and illiterate. When you eat an apple, drive your car, or write a blog post, you consume. Economies are formed on this principle. You can look it up.

Ostensibly, consumerism is the act of consuming excessively. What is excessive? That’s in the eye of the beholder. Usually, the anti-consumerism crowd defines the consumerist as one who consumes more than they, but you will occasionally find the self-loathing consumerist, who assuages his guilt via acts of linguistic flagellation and the admonition to sponsor a child or two.

Contrary to the insistence of well-meaning but economically ignorant people, consumerism during the Christmas season works out great for the poor and rich alike. It creates seasonal employment, and the influx of cash is often singularly sufficient to keep entire industries afloat.

Consider this. One million babies are destroyed every year. Planned Parenthood is offering gift cards (I kid you not) redeemable for abortions. The anti-consumerists don't seem to care about that, but it’s a crime that I bought a sweater for my wife? I’m rejecting the spirit of Christmas somehow by unwrapping a Blu Ray player (fingers crossed) this Saturday?

Am I to believe that Christ is cool with the sanctioned slaughter of 100,000 innocent people in December, but outraged by my request for a festive tie?

Some find the Christmas season stressful. That stands to reason. Most people hate parting with their money for the benefit of other people. Who wants to drive across town to find the right gift for someone they care about? Who wants to deal with the obsessively smiley clerks in women’s clothing sections (my name is not sweetie, dammit!) of mall stores and pay for the privilege?

For some, it’s all pain and no gain. Granted, it’s also winter, and that means snowstorms and gridlock and traffic deaths. In America, we consumerists are the victim of hemisphere. Not Christ’s fault, but neither ours.

Of course, churches are notorious for going balls to the wall in December. Add to that couples, many of whom having engaged to wed one year prior, who think a holiday wedding is just so romantic. Churchgoers are left with a pretty full plate, and are thusly ornery.

The conventional Christian take on the whole Christ vs. Consumer mode is highly influenced by crude semantics. In short, the word ‘reason’ rhymes with ‘season’, a fact not lost on pastors who understandably look hard for themes to tie together messages.

So is this the right time to guilt congregations into contriving a deeper meaning into what really is a very human holiday? Efforts to infuse extra meaning into the Christmas season usually entail extra meetings, extra services, and extra stuff to do. Even non-Christians feel compelled to make a couple extra treks across the tundra to the local house of worship.

And why Christmas and not Easter? We kill ourselves celebrating Christ’s birth, and the part where he sacrifices his life for us gets boiled eggs?

Let’s address the theological underpinnings of the anti-consumerism crusade. It usually boils down to the passage where Jesus calls upon the rich man to sell his possessions and follow him. I mean, what could be more anti-consumerist than that?

Fair enough, and if you are nodding your head in agreement, sell your computer to the poor. Oh, and enjoy the walk home. You sold your car right? Come to think of it, you’ll need to lose the home, too.

Still here? Then shut up and learn something. The whole meaning of that verse was not to compel us to immediately abandon any and all possessions for the sake of doing so. Christ nowhere asks his disciples to do so. His point was to highlight the fact that the man’s heart was owned by his possessions.

I can’t think of a season during which Americans are less consumed with possessions than during Christmas. Most Christians are overworked hosting relatives, cooking geese, and locating gifts (gifts being, of course, the opposite of possessions). The obsession with making this holiday more than it is, for locating some profound reason within an arbitrarily determined commemorating the birth of our savior, is what’s owning us.

To the sanctimonious anti-consumerism hustlers, I say “ba humbug”. Go sell your soap box and sponsor a cleft palate. The rest of you know where to find me. I’ll be the one sipping wine, shopping for sweaters, with visions of Blu Ray dancing in my head.

Consume on that.

Monday Musings - Snowmageddon edition

2010-12-12T23:09:00.002-06:00

Ugh. The worst thing about minor frostbite is that it renders the act of typing painful. But I do it for you, dear readers.

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I don't have the clip, but the Fox 9 evening news lady said something to the effect of "this really reminds me of years ago, when we were covering the tsunami".

Yep, it's just like that, minus the famine.

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Governor Pawlenty nails it on unions, and reminds me of something my (very liberal) mother said to me the other day. She noted that union benefits were earned on the backs of blue collar workers who fought for them, and are gobbled up by government employees.

Quite right, and he is also right when he notes that public sector pay is double that of the private sector. The reason typically cited for this is that government employees are better educated and better trained. There are no McDonalds-caliber employees working for government.

To which, I'll firstly agree. Based on my experiences with Minneapolis city government, I genuinely doubt a good percentage of them could hold a job at McDonalds (much less a steel plant).

Second, this proves my mom's point. Unions now primarily exist to make the upper classes more powerful, and do so under the guise of helping the working man.

Third, if the reason for the discrepancy between public and private sector wages is the level of training and (I'll infer) desirability of the successful candidate for employment, then there is no need for unions to ensure that this remains so.

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R.T. Rybak has offered his proposal to curb spiraling property tax rates (slated to go up about 7% for each of the next two years, not including the inevitable off-year election levies). Part of his proposal is to cut $300,000 from employee pensions.

$300,000. Let's put that number in perspective. In May of this year, a judge ordered retirees to pay back $76 million in overpayments. We overpaid, by accident (of the highly educated and desirable city employees of course) more than 250 times what Rybak is proposing to cut from pensioner pay.

Rybak does not care about property taxes, even though they will inevitably drive residents to the suburbs (where their kids go to school anyway). By the time this happens, we are left with ruins of what once were gentrifying communities, Rybak will have already embarked on a failed bid for governor.

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Yeah, I know Dayton won, officially, but there is no way in hell Rybak pulls it off.

Incidentally, there is some question as to whether Mark Dayton will take a salary as governor of the state. I think he should do so, not because he needs the money, but because of precedent.

Salaries for government leaders ostensibly inoculate them against the temptation to intermingle public and private interests. It might seem quaint, but it actually works, to a degree, which is why campaign finance reform is on anyone's radar screen.

If Dayton turns down a salary, future governors will be compelled to do so. Not only might this inhibit those without the pecuniary means to take an unpaid vacation (so to speak) from running for office, it will open them to temptation once they arrive.

After all, isn't it easier to assuage one's conscience while taking a bribe after having performed an act of altruism (especially one to which you did not entirely assent)? It's like Matt Damon in the Informer.

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The Metrodome imploded, and some have declared that the question of whether the Vikings need a new stadium is settled. A couple of observations.

First, if the Vikings feel they need a new stadium, they should buy one. That's not the way the world works, you say? Okay, well the way the world works is what got us here. We have kids getting felt up by TSA and a basketball stadium people aren't sure still even exists (it does, I checked... It's right by Target Field, actually). The world needs to work differently, and if Minnesota has to lose a team in order to bring that about, then so be it.

Second, one rescheduled game per quarter century does not necessitate a one billion. If the team wants a few million bucks to fortify the damn thing, let's work something out.

Third, if they move the team to Coon Rapids, I think they should call the team the Coon Rapids Vikings.

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Birthday dinner at Saffron. Was welcomed with a happy birthday and my name printed on my menu. Had the lamb brains (don't knock 'em 'til you try 'em), and then let them pick the wine and entree. The cooking at Saffron is really on the highest level you can find in the cities. This was the best meal I've had this year, and I've had some doozies.

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I hate snow. If I met snow, I would tell it to die, and then make a comment about snow's wife that everyone would pretty much agree is over the line.

I'm out.

Monday Musings - Leaked to you by Julian the Baptist

2010-12-06T12:50:00.004-06:00

The BCS bowl matchups have been announced. Here is the lineup.

Rose Bowl: TCU vs. Wisconsin

Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma vs. Connecticut

Orange Bowl: Stanford vs. Virginia Tech

Sugar Bowl: Ohio St. vs. Arkansas

Tostitos game of magic: Auburn vs. Oregon

Oof. That Fiesta Bowl game is just brutal. Had UConn not narrowly outmaneuvered mighty South Florida this weekend, they would have been slated to play my college alumni quiz bowl team in the Deluxe Printing Corp. Bowl next week.

For fun, I did a little experiment. Taking the computers top ten teams (instead of these ten), I came up with a little playoff scenario, where the top six teams get a bye. That yields the following matchups.

Boise State vs. LSU

Wisconsin vs. Ohio St.

Which, if rankings hold, would set up

Wisconsin vs. Auburn

LSU vs. Oregon

TCU vs. Oklahoma

Stanford vs. Arkansas

And that’s just the first round. That’s at least two games that are more interesting that any of the ones currently scheduled. Oh, and the teams have something to play for. Would Tostitos really rather sponsor Oklahoma’s 56-10 win over UConn than a Wisconsin-Ohio St. rematch just because the games is called the Fiesta Bowl?

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Oh dear.

Julie Clawson, writing for Sojourners, apparently finds it to be sinful for the government to have secrets. Apparently, we are not entitled to, for example, meet with a country to discuss policies regarding another country without telling that other country. Or something. As such, WikiLeaks is merely revealing our sins of, I dunno, gossip?

The money quote:

“But no one likes being called out on his or her sins. When John the Baptist called out Herod on his sinful ways, he was beheaded to shut him up.”

First of all, unlike Julian Assange, John the Baptist didn’t rape anyone. Second, the passive voice is a bit disingenuous here; Herod was disinclined to kill John the Baptist (because he knew he was righteous), but did so at the behest of his step daughter, so the comparison is nonsensical. Third, John the Baptist called out Herod for his infidelity. Were he around today, the emergent movement would label him judgmental.

Also, this:

“Perhaps WikiLeaks is the martyr that will wake us up to the need to hold our government to those basic standards of morality.”

You can’t martyr a website, sweetie.

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On the WikiLeaks thing, shouldn’t our government be, like, doing something? Does Barack Obama only get involved when the bill for his actions top one trillion dollars? JFK and FDR would have had this guy dead by now, having been water-boarded 15,687,533 times.

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Hit up Bar La Grassa just after Thanksgiving. Did it live up to the hype? No, but that would simply be impossible. The biggest disappointment was the much ballyhooed lobster and soft eggs. I love me some soft eggs, but these were a bit dry and overdone, though the flavors (and, of course, the lobster) were good. The pastas were excellent, generally on par with those of the 112 Eatery. In particular, the gnocchi and 'nduja raviolo were hits.

The room felt a bit cold to me, and larger groups definitely get premium seating (like the 112, BLG encourages sharing, so this is a very group friendly spot). We were sat beside a pole.

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Screw it guys, let's have a sleepover.

You can have it all at George Fox

2010-12-01T22:06:00.005-06:00

Want to learn how to talk like a Christian, but still look like a total douche? George Fox Evangelical Seminary has you covered.

What's with the tattoos on the left arm. Did this fellow belong to the society of gay ninjas?

Tattoos are only hip when they don't look like breakfast cereal.

The world needs fewer seminaries.

WikiLeaks: Top Ten Revelations

2010-11-30T23:21:00.006-06:00

The WikiLeaks fiasco has compromised sensitive data, embarrassing a nation whose foreign policy platform depends on secrecy. Below are some of the most stunning revelations from the WikiLeaks documents.

10. Hillary Clinton once asked German Chancellor Angela Merkel where she got her hair done. Merkel responded that it was none of her business, but blushed, clearly flattered by the questions. Hillary wondered if Merkel was offended.

9. Condoleezza Rice could not spell 'receipt' for the life of her, but couldn't think of another word to use.

8. Radical Muslims sure are hard workers.

7. The Faroe Islands kinda feel left out of the whole decision making process. They have some great ideas about the EU financial crisis, if only anyone would listen.

6. Hillary Clinton felt awkward about the whole Merkel hair incident, and bought her a $2,000 gift certificate for a Manhattan spa. Merkel didn't know how to take it, but passed the certificate along to one of her assistants, who was thrilled. The whole thing became more trouble than it was worth when the assistant needed time off to use the spa services during Merkel's trip to the United States.

5. Jimmy Carter is still relevant, for some damn reason.

4. Vladimir Putin loves his iPhone, and goes on comment sections of tech blogs to defend the product. His user name is MacRussian69.

3. Hugo Chavez is deathly afraid of cats, but also owns three of them. He believes in keeping his friends close, and his enemies closer.

2. George W. Bush walked in on one of the several dozen water-boardings of KSM eating a chicken breast. He was heard to comment "you know what? The chicken breast is the dryest part of the bird. But it's also the meatiest. It's a conundrum, I tell ya'" before promptly exiting. KSM thought that was pretty messed up.

1. Barack Obama doesn't talk about hope as much these days.

Monday Musings

2010-11-28T19:59:00.005-06:00

Intro filler language! Let's muse...

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So, is it Advent yet? I only know Advent as the time when religious lefties start haranguing us about "consumerism", and I assume that some of the quirkier Christian denominations also celebrate it by doing weird things in robes and anointing stuff. Is there anything important here, or is this just Christians being jealous of Ramadan?

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A couple of years ago, I observed that the liberal backlash against bottled water was all a bit of plank pulling. Bottled water began as an accessory of the effete left, only to be co-opted by the mouth-breathing masses. By the time Walmart began selling 30 packs, the whole enterprise was seen as gauche, and the fleece-wearing set had converted to Nalgene bottles.

Months ago, I predicted a similar backlash to the "localvore" movement. For the last decade, our self-proclaimed cultural elites gravitated to co-ops, CSAs and farmers markets. Menus at top restaurants now boast the origin of a particular protein prior to (or even in lieu of) listing key components of a dish.

The movement caught on. CSAs are more popular than ever, and the Farmer's market is packed with soccer moms and hipsters alike. Cue the music.

Some have started to re-evaluate the value of eating locally. After all, isn't trucking produce from door to door just as inefficient as porting large quantities of the stuff across the interstate? Local farms cannot keep up with the demand, and might be forced to compromise their standards to meet it. And isn't it all a bit classissisisist to assign a lower value to food consumed by ~~black people~~ Walmart shoppers?

The Washington Post printed an op-ed that actually (faintly, damningly) praised Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin for questioning the obsessions with healthy, local food. The backlash has begun. In fairness, the author's point is perfectly accurate. People will reject a healthy eating movement that becomes a bureaucratic malaise. Persuasion and multi-tiered arguments are preferable to moralizing and forbidding.

But let's face it, once people can't moralize and forbid about something, they lose interest, especially if it costs money. Conservatives are starting to show interest in the issue, especially w/r/t treated foods (pasteurized milk, corn, hormone chickens). That can't be right. Maybe there's no harm in our meddling with nature after all. In fact, its good for the environment.

Cereal cafes are starting to hit the hipster circuit. Will "box to bowl" be the new "farm to table"?

My answers are "I hope not" and "yes".

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I caught Easy A, this summer's surprise hit, at the Riverview. It reminded me of Saved, in that it depicts unhinged conservative Christians behaving like, well, liberal Muslims. But instead of shoving preachy pop religion down our throats as an antidote, the movie instead chooses to employ comedy.

Incidentally, I'm sure the script was pared down to achieve a PG-13 rating ('twat' is not a vulgar enough word to use as a set piece), but I think this added something. I'm not terribly concerned with vulgarity (my favorite film of the year prominently features a far more set-piece worthy word), but I do like my comedies to be somewhat grounded.

As a general rule, comedy works best when it plays by the rules. Judd Apatow and his clan, for whom vulgarity is a sort of sleight of hand, have had quite a run bending and breaking those rules. Alas, ever new comedy seems intent on replicating this tenuous model. There is something refreshingly sophisticated about a movie that isn't allowed to show T & A to break up a dull moment.

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Barack Obama has yet to say anything about North Korea's attack on South Korea. Does he know he's still president? Has anyone explained the concept of mid-term elections to him? Like, it's not a British style parliament or anything. Just checking...

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Thanksgiving merriment

2010-11-24T10:43:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a time for family, gluttony and mediocre professional football. Today, I have a homework assignment for you. Take out a sheet of paper, and write down three things that you are thankful for. This is what the pilgrims did.

What, you can't afford paper? Oh, well then just write it on your... Oh, write, I guess a pen would definitely be out of the question. Well, here, borrow mine...

Right. No, I can see how that would be difficult. When is he scheduled for release? Oh, that's good...

Oh. Well, the restraining order would still be valid, wouldn't it?

Right. A restraining order is no match for a tire iron. So, why don't you just take this pen and... You know what? Maybe this exercise isn't for you...

Watch this video instead, and let your troubles melt away. I play the cranberry sauce.

Monday Musings - Satire 101

2010-11-22T11:36:00.004-06:00

Will there ever be a point at which directing unhinged rants toward the topic of Sarah Palin will be considered, if not contemptible, at least superfluous? If not, then can we at least have a moratorium on this business of hiding behind satire when confronted with the utter unpleasantness of something we have written?

Karen Spears Zacharias, the source of whose popularity in the faith world is a complete and utter mystery to me, has the latest. Readers are treated to a litany of anti-Palinisms. Baby-making machine, incompetent, Botox, John and Kate Plus 8 and, of course, unintelligent. The same cracks late-night comedy writers (Leno’s, not Stewart’s) have been dredging up for years, with the requisite “oh no you didn’t” swagger.

After all this, many of those commenting reasonably asserted that Ms. Zacharias had gone overboard. To which, she responds by accusing her readers of not understanding satire, and urging them to read more Twain.

Physician, heal thyself. Also, Karen, learn the distinction between sarcasm and satire. My 11^th Grade English teacher will thank you.

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Wait, I have more. Last week, on the Shefzilla blog, Stewart Woodman called out the Star Tribune’s Rick Nelson for his four-star review of Heartland, which cited a considerable number of Heartland’s imperfections. Having visited the restaurant, Woodman (who, apparently, also observed imperfections) wrote a tongue-in-cheek piece lambasting his meal, but also awarding the restaurant four stars.

To which, I get it, but again, just because something is satirical does not mean it makes its point effectively. At minimum, satire should be two things:

a) funny

b) true

On the first count, I found the comparison of soup to dishwater a bit tired, but whatever. Beats a Botox joke. The second part is crucial.

Woodman’s point (and I agree with him) is that a critic ought not overlook imperfections, and grade on a curve because this is Minnesota. As such, it would have been more effective to highlight the legitimate weaknesses with the dish, and go overboard in the effort to downplay them, rather than spoofing the meal and then reviewing it.

As it stands, he lost the essential truth of his point, and caused a scene. It didn’t help that some people apparently did not realize he was being facetious.

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End didactic lecture. In short, be careful with satire, eh? Stay in school kids.

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The question of whether Barack Obama is a Muslim is irrelevant. He isn’t one, but it’s irrelevant.

If he is going to evince the worst attributes of contemporary Islamic tradition, namely aligning himself with anti-Semitic interests abroad, then he might as well be. Praising Indonesia as a beacon tolerance, then pivoting to a spout of Israel-bashing is simply unconscionable.

It's hard to hold him personally accountable, since I sincerely doubt he has considered the implications of the stuff his staff writes for him. I am tempted to make a teleprompter joke, which, if I had, and if you were familiar with the writings of Mark Twain, you would have very much enjoyed.

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This is all the rage...

http://johnnyedge.blogspot.com/2010/11/these-events-took-place-roughly-between.html

Truthfully, people should have started revolting right around the time we started having to take off our shoes. But at least the remedy had something to do with the disease. Randomly introducing nudie scanners after a failed terrorist attach that would not have been foiled by same is a pretty stupid thing to do.

------------

Also, if Obama were Clinton, he would have sensed an opportunity. Clinton would have fired Napolitano and called for Congressional hearings a week ago.

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That’s all folks, and if you didn’t enjoy what you read, remember, it’s all satire.

Top Ten Fridays: Dumbest TC Construction Projects

2010-11-12T00:58:00.003-06:00

Here's what you need to know about traffic in the Twin Cities. Our highway system was devised in the 1960s by engineers who were under the impression that a zombie massacre would plague our state, thereby reducing our population by 80% over the following fifty years.

Alas, the engineers of yesteryear grossly overestimated the zombie threat. MNDOT is left to clean up the mess, and they actually do a pretty good job, when given the chance.

Alas, politicians are involved. Between local initiatives, suburban placates, and federal pork projects, the Twin Cities roads have been turned into a Legoland of civic irresponsibility. My greatest hits of the last 10 years are as follows.

10. 35/62/Portland

See, if you live in Richfield, construction never ends. Between 35W, 62, 494, and just about every major artery route from Minneapolis, there's always something going on. The good people on the east side of the city (aka the wrong side of the tracks) have also had to deal with hostile takeovers my the MAC and the Best Buy Corporation.

Now, their access to Highway 62 has been cut off by the monumental 35/62 de-tangling scenario. This could easily be remedied by creating two-way access to 62 from Bloomington Avenue, but the effected region is home to largely blue collar residents. Expect another unnecessary rehab of Lake and Lyndale (see below) before that happens.

9. 494 and 169

Removing stoplights along 169 should have happened in, oh, 1977. Those poor geeks going to the Renaissance Festival wait for hours on this antiquated roadway. In particular, the 494/169 interchange has become the poster child for unanticipated exurban sprawl. Finally, however, we found the budget and political will to solve the problem. So why isn't 169 a crater right now?

Blame it on an old folks home, er, residential care facility. Apparently, the largely immobile benefit greatly from frontage road access that would be eliminated under the proposed project.

It's impossible to imagine how a non-driving citizenry would be disenfranchised by road construction, but it is easy to see why an adult care facility wouldn't want to be situated right off of a major interstate. Americans are averse to the idea of dumping granny on the side of a highway, but don't want to have to drive far for the monthly visit. The frontage road is the best of both worlds. Let's keep everything as is.

8. The Camden bridge.

I94 was closed for miles because of this thing. I can't even tell what got built. There is no new way to cross 94, not that there was any urgent need at this locale. Was it for trains?

7. The Lowry Bridge closing.

After the bridge collapse, the onus was on MNDOT to close down at least one bridge. Might as well pick one offering access to a poor neighborhood with no political clout, right?

6. North Star Rail

I will give $5 to anyone who can prove this even exists. I've never seen it. According to the website, it goes to Big Lake. That's a made up name for a town if ever there was one.

Also, according to the website, phase two of the project has been put on hold. There is a phase two? The citizens of Pine Forest Rabbit Creek will be thrilled.

5. The 494 expansion

Seriously? Now? Like, building that huge retaining wall couldn't wait, say, two years? Come on.

4. 694/Snelling

Bottlenecks are the enemy of any competent civil engineer. The 694/10/Snelling morass is certainly a bottleneck. Instead of fixing it, we invested hundreds of millions of dollars to forge a clearer path to 35W North. The 38 people who commute to Duluth on a daily basis don't know what to do with the extra 45 seconds that freed up.

3. Light Rail

Let me get this straight. We spent a billion dollars connecting a mall to a stadium, utilizing an outmoded medium that is now even losing favor with the pathological greenos who championed its installation in the first place. Now, we are spending two billion dollars to extricate our sports teams from said stadium? This is why I vote Republican, people.

2. The bike bridge to nowhere.

You cannot persuade me that there was not an easier way to get bike traffic across 55 (the existing stoplight, for example). Combined with the light rail intersection, that thing is a double rainbow of waste. Finally, though, bikers have full access to two of our regions most important industrial parks.

1. Lyndale and Lake

By and large, the effort to expand Lake Street West of Lyndale was a modest success. Previously unsafe and/or unnavigable stretches in the Phillips neighborhood now easily accommodate parked automobiles and buses without gridlock.

But when one major street expansions meets another, incompetent things happen. What essentially amounted to a repaving project took more than two years to complete for some reason, destroying local businesses and bringing traffic within a one mile radius to a dead stop. And to what end? The ponderous traffic swells remain, and no new parking was created in an area that desperately needs it.

An Interview with Brett Favre

2010-11-10T22:11:00.001-06:00

Every now and then, my blog affords me the opportunity to talk with personalities and major newsmakers. Today, I’d like to welcome back Brett Favre, Quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings, who are coming off the departure of Randy Moss, along with a couple of tough road losses. Without any further adieu, Brett, welcome to TPWK.

Brett: It’s good to be here. Right?

TPWK: Um, that’s really in the eye of the beholder.

Brett: No, I mean, it’s GOOD to be HERE…. RIIIIGHT?

TPWK: You are speaking now as though you are concealing your true meaning.

Brett: The PARTY starts NOW.

TPWK: Indeed it does. Now, you had lobbied Green Bay to bring Randy Moss on board. How does his departure affect your gameplan going forward?

Brett: Oh, I get it. I get it. MOSSMAN IN THE HOLE. Right *winks*

TPWK: You seem to be distressed.

Brett: I don’t know what you are talking about. Do you have a camera?

TPWK: Yes. Most people do.

Brett: Right. We’re on the same page, here.

TPWK: Not at all. So, the Vikings are sitting at 2-5. In order to have even a shot at the playoffs, your team will have to finish by winning seven of nine games.

Brett: That’s not exactly true.

TPWK: Pardon.

Brett: There’s a lot of rumors swirling out there. Many of them false.

TPWK: Well, I’m basing this on the standings.

Brett: Yeah, the “standings”.

TPWK: Your are doing the quote thing with your fingers.

Brett: Am I?

TPWK: Yes. In fact, you are doing it still, even though you aren’t saying anything.

Brett: Why don’t you say what you mean to say?

TPWK: I have done so to the best…

Brett: Alright… Fine, the cat’s out of the bag.

TPWK: There’s a cat.

Brett: I’m running for office.

TPWK: Wow. This is quite the announcement. Are you running for governor, or…

Brett: You don’t get it, do you?

TPWK: Nope.

Brett: This is bigger than politics. We’re talking big leagues.

TPWK: I do not know what constitutes “big leagues” in this analogy.

Brett: Think about it. Where are we right now?

TPWK: On the blogosphere.

Brett: Exactly, but I don’t exist, do I?

TPWK: You assuredly do.

Brett: Do I?

TPWK: Yes, you are arguably the most famous face in football.

Brett: What happens if I do this?

TPWK: …

Brett: Now you see.

TPWK: You didn’t do anything.

Brett: That’s what they all say. I have two words for you. Opaque transient.

TPWK: Those are, indeed, two words.

Brett: And you still have the camera?

TPWK: Yes. Again, this is a common thing in America.

Brett: Go and do likewise, sir. Go and do likewise.

TPWK: Wow, he disappeared.

Randy Moss: But I made him this peach cobbler.

TPWK: Sorry Randy.

Randy Moss: It’s alright… It’s alright.

TPWK: So, were you under the couch this whole time, or…

Plane Musings

2010-11-08T19:34:00.002-06:00

United Airlines wants $8.49 what they call a “tapas” box. This includes a canister of olives, a three-pack crackers, hummus, non-cheese cheese spread, almonds and a candy mint.

Too which, that seems a bit more Meditterranean than Spanish to me. Also, I’m pretty sure the cost per ounce of this particular snack box rivals that of any restaurant in the cities.

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Correction, the Tapas box is not available. We are offered the “classic”, $7 for pretzel sticks and more miscellaneous crap I would never pay to put in my mouth. Classic is a word that has lost all meaning. It now means, old and bad. Sort of like “racist” means “person I disagree with on any political issue”.

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The toddler in the window seat tries to get up, but the mom subdues him by holding him down and telling him to stop. How rare is it to hear a parent tell their kids to stop anything? Or even say ‘no’?

The parents in the back are trying to distract their kid with toys. Lesson: Act like a boorish little turd, and every effort will be made to entertain you.

An additional child, sister of window toddler, is seated across the aisle from me. She is a gem. The well-behaved kids speak no English, not incidentally.

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Apparently, Nicolas Cage made a movie called The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. I don’t know why. Uh-oh… Papers blowing around. Magic’s brewin’.

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The aforementioned, hyper-entertained toddler is now being walked up and down the aisle. In fairness, her parents are almost certainly mourning last night’s election results. Window toddler is now asleep.

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I suppose I should mention that I’m headed to San Francisco. I expect the entire town will be quite surly, under the circumstances. I half expect to find Pelosi face down in a puddle of her own mascara (ed. note - not so, on both counts).

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The in-flight “house red” is far less Australian than the in-flight magazine claimed. It is, however, served cold, so this is the closest I’ve come to dining at Heidi’s in awhile. (ed. note: Shefzilla can't read this because I'm on a plane).

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Speaking of restaurants, I’m dining at Incanto tonight, the owner of which authored the letter on Foie Gras referred to here. Great chefs who take common-sense positions on controversial issues get my business. (ed. note: This place is magic, to the degree it deserves yet another blog post of its own. Two quick points. Fish semen tastes a lot better than you think it would, and the sommelier hailed my taxi. There's a sentence nobody has ever written.)

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The movie is still on. Some kid is wearing a catcher’s outfit, trying to corral some sort of magic. We cut to an effeminate man with poofy hair. He is evil, presumably. Truth be told, I’m not listening to the movie, so they could be doing an ironic send-up of the whole “sorcerer's apprentice” genre. That said, there is no “sorcerer's apprentice” genre, so it would be like Zoolander, an ironic send-up of something that does not happen.

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Entertained-toddler is having herself another fit. My Koss Porta-Pro headphones may make me look like a total dork, but my dorky ass doesn’t have to listen to entertained-toddler. Why? Because I've got booming bass.

Mr. Sexy in his sleek, treble-heavy earbuds? He’s getting a mix of Sorcerer’s Apprentice, engine noise, and entertained-toddler screams. It's no fun being fashionable when you want to commit suicide.

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Entertained-toddler is fascinated by aisle-gem-no-english-pre-schooler, who was watching Sorcerer’s Apprentice, but gave up in disgust. Kids know schlock when they see it; They just don’t know the word “schlock” yet. What is Spanish for schlock? Chipotle?

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If I have a daughter, she will learn the word “schlock” by the time she is four years old. I will then enroll her in public school for precisely three days, so she can learn how to use it in a sentence.

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The flight lands in 30 minutes, so I need to turn off my electronic device. Otherwise, it will magically interfere with the plane for some reason.

And that's a wrap

2010-11-02T23:54:00.002-05:00

Well, for me it is.

In a major disappointment, Harry Reid defeated Sharron Angle to retain his role as Senate Majority Leader. While this could prove to be a pyrrhic victory, as he'll remain a punching bag, I'd rather have a senator than a punching bag.

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California voted no on legalizing pot, which is ironic considering how that state has opted to conduct itself over the last two decades. That marijuana is illegal in this country is as understandable as it is intellectually absurd. A shame California missed an opportunity to take leadership, but what else is new?

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Per Facebook, a lot of Minnesota friends I know to be very conservative seemed awfully confused as to how to vote. That explains a lot. If you can't take the time to research who to vote for, you cannot complain about taxes, crime or jobs. You just can't.

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CNN has added a standing cabal to their two existing panels. Elliot Spitzer is involved. This is chaos.

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Haven't seen Alex Castellanos in awhile.

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The three judges who supported same-sex marriage who were up for re-election in Iowa have been ousted. This has been portrayed as a reminder of the power of social issues, but I am not so sure. Keeping the big ideas out of the courts is a fundamental component of the nascent libertarian movement within the Republican party. I think that's driving the decision at least as much as opposition to gay "rights".

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Crap. Governors race down to two percent. How can I go to sleep now?

Crunch Time in the Senate

2010-11-02T22:44:00.003-05:00

Illinois and Pennsylvania looking hopeful. Glimmers here in Minnesota.

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John Boehner reminds me of the warden in Shawshank Redemption. I want him to break out of his speech and say "Obama, you think you've been !@#$#@ by a train? I'll cast you down with the sisters..."

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Instead, he breaks into tears talking about himself and how he used to have to work rotten jobs. He had to tend bar? Oh, the humanity. I give this guy one term as majority leader, one way or the other.

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In the ad for Palin's reality show, she screams "why can't we just be happy with tranquility?" while two bears fight each other on screen. Yeah, bears, why can't you be tranquil. Stupid bears.

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Is Colorado the new Oregon? Once a rugged land of conservative men, modern amenities, low unemployment and expensive colleges have attracted the fleece-wearing class who like the fresh air and pretty scenery. Will Denver be the new land of permanent unemployment.

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Alvin Greene is calling for a recall via Twitter. Oh, dear...

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Rudy Giuliani puts it succinctly. If Obama's an ideologue, he's toast, if he's a pragmatist, he can resurrect himself. Yep, and I'll add another possibility. If he decides that this election was about liberals staying home because they want him to embrace Alan Grayson style leadership, he'll not only lose, but set back his party for a long, long time.

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Nevada numbers coming in. Here we go.

+62 looking prescient

2010-11-02T21:52:00.002-05:00

Go Rick Berg. He's worked hard for the Republican party in North Dakota and for the conservative cause. It's about time one of the nation's reddest states finally sent Republicans to Washington. I have the feeling Hoeven and Berg can plan on staying awhile.

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To listen to the left, the Republicans are somehow immediately besieged by a mandate to govern from the center. Of course, Republicans would do well to focus on driving Obama to the center (rather than governing from the untenable far right), but if anyone has the centrist mandate, it's Obama. He will triangulate, or he will be Jimmy Carter. Only after he has come to the table can he paint Republicans as extreme.

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Ugh, as a dog returns to its vomit, so California returns to Jerry Brown. Is there any case for bailing out California at this point? If they are going to make no effort to get their financial ship in order, there is no reason why we should assist them.

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Mike Huckabee makes a joke about wishing he had invested in U-Haul... Because there are going to be a lot of people moving in D.C.

Again, not my cup of, um, tea, Huckabee.

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So, will Obama finally ditch the stupid car analogy?

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Is Mark Dayton really going to hold at 48%? Seriously, half of Minnesota thinks this is the guy? This explains Vikings fans, I feel, somehow. Minnesota is looking like the lone holdout against the wave generally.

For those who depend upon the economy for their jobs, this is a very bad thing. Minnesota is going to lose its competitive edge over neighboring states if it lurches to the left. See Maine for a prime example.

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Huh. Power outage near Vegas, eh? What a coincidence.

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Tired of hearing the word wave. This race has more or less followed the script. That's not a wave, by any definition of the word.

Election Night: The mushy middle goes down.

2010-11-02T20:53:00.003-05:00

Yeah, not sure who the audience is for this Sarah Palin reality series. Survivor meets the 700 Club. Not feeling it.

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It should be noted that this was originally expected to be a terrible night for Republicans in the Senate. The incumbents this year were last elected in 2004, a great year from Republicans. For those who were wondering why the GOP is poised to clean up in the house, but faces an uphill battle for Senate seats.

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I am projecting that the Pittsburgh Steelers will win the Superbowl. I mean, when in Rome.

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If South Dakota can't send Herseth-Sandlin packing, I'm so going to make fun of my wife. This won't be annoying to her at all, I'm pretty sure.

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Fox News just faded out Tim Pawlenty. It was like someone turned a dial down or something. Kinda emblematic of how things have been going for him so far.

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Have to say, it's a special treat watching "pro-life" Dems go down. The cynical political calculations inherent in that little rhetorical trick are nauseating. The issue is too important for this sort of conniving opacity.

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Obama wants to end partisanship now. It reminds me of the people on the left who are suddenly bemoaning the lack of civility and the 24-hour news cycle.

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Has CNN called it for Sestak yet? No? I'm about ready to...

GOP takes the house... Per projections... Sorta...

2010-11-02T19:44:00.003-05:00

Now CNN has patriotic music. That's better.

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I have to admit, I'll miss having crazy Alan Grayson to kick around. Does this make him a front-runner for the "OBAMA ISN'T LIBERAL ENOUGH!!!" delusional third party run? How bizarre is it that such a run seems inevitable?

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For all the chatter about how the tea party is allegedly comprised of zealous dullards, I would hazard to guess that Rand Paul is the smartest new addition to Congress.

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Rick Snyder has "won" the opportunity to try to govern Michigan. That's a bit like winning the keys to an asylum. Good luck with that, dude.

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Just popped over to check the Pistons-Celtics game. Now I know how Democrats feel. Ugh.

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Wow... Fox News just called a House takeover with 60 seats for the Republicans. How can you project an estimate? CNN is projecting 50 seats, so somebody is projecting wrong. What is the difference between a projection and an estimate?

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With the Senate assuredly out of reach, I think the magic number is 49. That's the number Republicans are going to have to reach to get a majority on Obamacare repeal. Manchin has go along, and Ben Nelson can choose between repeal and retirement.

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Marco Rubio commends Meek for his class and integrity. He commends Crist for being, um, an opponent. That's about right. I can see why everyone thinks he's a star.

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Not liking the Pennsylvania numbers. Not at all.

Early Results

2010-11-02T19:17:00.002-05:00

As predicted, Christine O'Donnell got her witch hat handed to her. The race was called immediately after poll close.

Thus far, nothing surprising, and if there isn't anything surprising by this point, the prediction of a house/senate split should hold.

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To which, the tea party looks poised for a 50/50 split. Marco Rubio held, and if his 50% total holds, he'll be getting presidential buzz. Rand Paul held Kentucky, but possibly cost a house seat in the process. Ron Johnson seems likely to add a seat viz. Wisconsin Senate, offsetting the O'Donnell piss-away. Angle and Reid are, by all accounts, tied.

Given the Tea Party's impact on the enthusiasm gap, I'll take that.

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This commercial has people smelling real cat urine. You know what is a good idea when you are selling kitty litter? Using creativity.

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Oh dear, Fox News is to the clipboards already. Can we just retire this meme? It is not entertaining, nor refreshingly old-fashioned.

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At this point, the New York Times is writing "disappointing night for the GOP" type headlines. It is never disappointing to take the House by 20 seats, and the New York Times is hardly going to be celebrating.

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While I'm tampering my expectations, over at FiveThirtyEight, Nate Silver is upping his expectations. Both of our forecasts are sitting at 57-58 right now.

Election Night Coverage Part 1: Predictions and Kickoff

2010-11-02T18:42:00.003-05:00

Predictions: GOP +62 in the House, +8.5 in the Senate (Murray wins Washington on the trunk vote).

Emmer wins, carrying a stronger than expected Republican ticket in MN. Lori Swanson holds, while Severson and Anderson take over.

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CNN kicks off coverage with weird horror music. For them, I suppose, that's apropos.

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Paul, Coates and DeMint win. No surprises, and their numbers are thus far close to poll projections. It's going to be a long night.

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CNN has two different panels analyzing the results, and the separate panels are arguing with each other. Fox News just has smilin' Shephard Smith. Don't worry about anything. Shep is here.

Minneapolis 4th District Endorsements part 2

2010-11-01T09:35:00.005-05:00

More endorsements. Be sure to vote tomorrow, unless you are an ignorant person, in which case, stay home please. With my voting guide however, that shouldn't be a problem.

Charter Amendment 171: No

The amendment would place responsibility for redistricting school and park boards to a "non-partisan" charter commission. The current system fields members from majority and minority parties to join the existing (and appointed) charter commission in making redistricting decisions.

The proposed change would have the charter commission working with advisory councils, which will be appointed by none other than the charter commission. Seriously? There is too little accountability in this city as it is.

School Board: Rebecca Gagnon

Sigh... I guess. Rebecca's website looks like it is maintained by an insane person, but she is the only one of the candidates to even hint at accountability. The rest of the candidates are typical teachers union hacks who, well, you know what I think of union hacks. Richard Mammen has the enthusiastic endorsement of the Teachers Union, and is particularly problematic. You get two choices, so as long as neither of them are him, you're in as good of shape as one could hope.

County Commissioner - District 1: Mary O'Connor

When getting smacked around by thugs in your own district isn't enough of a wake up call to re-assess your priorities, it's time for you to go. Mike Opat believes, in spite of all evidence, that the best way to revive a flagging district is to invest in civil initiatives. That philosophy has not born fruit.

O'Connor is the Libertarian candidate, and has an ideological approach that will make our region more competitive.

County Sheriff: Rich Stanek

He is running unopposed, and rightly so. With R.T. Rybak trading cops for fountains, we need the competence Stanek provides.

County Attorney: No Endorsement

On the other hand, Michael Freeman is clearly biding time while he waits for higher office. He's running unopposed, so vote for my favorite write-in candidate, Buster Fonz, TV personality and part-time salesman.

Associate Justice 2: Helen Meyer

I wish the judges running for that State Supreme Court had a vision that extended further beyond simply advocating competitive elections for judges. I also wish they would pick their targets a bit better. There is no compelling reason for me to support Greg Werser over Meyer.

Associate Justice 6: Tim Tingelstad

There is, however, plenty of reason to oppose Alan Page, who is a on the court by virtue of having been a football player.

Judge 13: No Endorsement

Roxann Klugman is the challenger, but has allowed to expire her license to practice law. I mean, come on.

Judge 14: Dan Griffith

I have endorsed Dan previously, and he has done nothing to change my mind. Per his website: "it's not just about meaningful elections. It's what you do once you get elected." Correct. It would be easier to support Griffith had he ran against Klugman's opponent, Randolph Peterson, but a vote for change is the right way to go.

Other Judge elections: No endorsements

The election advocacy cabal did an especially poor job selecting targets and promoting their candidacies this year. As such, the only four contested elections are certain victories. That doesn't mean you have to lend your support to a status quo that is redefining the role of the judiciary and, in the case of the 4th district judges, releasing criminals onto the streets. Buster Fonz will have my enthusiastic support in the remaining cases.

Minneapolis 4th District Ballot Endorsements

2010-10-27T12:18:00.004-05:00

It's that time of year again. Time to listen to me and vote just like me for a better Minnesota. Think of the children, people.

Need a sample ballot for your district? Here you go. Statewide races today, county, ballot initiatives and judges tomorrow.

Governor: Tom Emmer

Democrats should be ashamed of themselves for nominating Mark Dayton. Dayton's Senate tenure was erratic, marred by ideological excess, and most memorable for bizarre retreat from an apocryphal terrorist attack. Just as you would expect from a trust fund baby.

Tom Horner's campaign was arrogant and aloof, studded by nebulous promises to reform the way government works. His creepy banner ads were among the most annoying of this campaign cycle. His appeal to moderation for its own sake, dubious in any political climate, is particularly tin-eared in this case.

Emmer is unspectacular, but so what? With Wisconsin, Iowa, and the Dakotas soon to be represented by Republican governors, we don't need spectacular. We need an ideology that will keep businesses competitive. Unless moving to Des Moines or La Crosse strikes your fancy...

Secretary of State: Dan Severson

Mark Ritchie presided over one of the more corrupt election recounts your going to find. I don't care what party you are, if someone claims to find 200 ballots in the trunk of a car, you investigate.

But the best reason to vote for Dan Severson is that he supports photo ID for voting. This issue isn't on most people's radar screens because they simply assume you need a photo ID in order to vote. You don't. Severson is running on a comprehensive package of solutions, which will go a long way toward preventing future recount fiascoes. He has my strong support.

State Auditor: Pat Anderson

Patty Anderson was a fine state auditor until Rebecca Otto ran a disingenuous campaign highlighting accounting errors that had occurred under Anderson's watch. Those same errors have occurred during Otto's tenure. In addition, from what I can gather, Otto's office has lost or misplaced data on many of the investigations Anderson was engaging.

If being error-prone disqualifies one from holding the office of State Auditor, then Otto needs to go.

Attorney General: Lori Swanson

By all accounts, Lori Swanson is working to deal with problems unique to Minnesota. She has cracked down on sexual predators, shady debt companies, and ID theft, while largely ignoring liberal hobbyhorses (she matches her opponent's NRA rating, for example). She also impressed on the issue of Illinois sending toll-road violation tickets to innocent MN drivers (years after the violation occurred), essentially telling the Illinois thugocracy to clean up their own mess before citing MN drivers.

Her opponent, Chris Barden, is no slouch. He is a prominent psychologist and lawyer, who has done pioneering work debunking cases based on "repressed memories". I have no doubt that his criminal law expertise would be useful in the role of AG. Swanson didn't do herself any favors by failing to address corruption within the Hatch administration. I can scarcely blame Republican voters for selecting Barden.

Unfortunately, Barden has hitched his wagon to the multi-state lawsuit against Obamacare. The premise of the lawsuit might be sound, and Obamacare is obviously a disaster. But the suit doesn't speak to the primary problem with the legislation, nor is this the right vehicle to properly challenge it. I fear it will become a distraction.

District 5 Representative: Joel Demos

For a sacrificial lamb, Demos has run a pretty effective campaign. Environmentally moderate but fiscally conservative, Demos certainly represents the best interests of this district. But Ellison is an anti-Semitic Muslim in a district with a lot of Muslims in a city with a notoriously anti-Semitic past. His leadership is bad for Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

Lynne Torgerson is a non-entity, failing to reject a Tea Party Nation endorsement that cited Ellison's faith as a reason to oppose him.

Ellison may be a lifer, but this is his ceiling. Demos has shown he has a future ahead of him.

State Senator - District 58A: Hayley Astrup

Hayley to be the first Republican candidate for public office whose Twitter account doubles as her campaign website. The conservative law student is well versed on a variety of issues, likes to debate them, and reads The Onion. It's like voting for me... So naturally she earns my endorsement.

Linda Higgins is experienced, for all the good that's done us. Someone in her party spent a whole mess of money in support of her opponent (Troy Parker's roadsigns still litter our roadways), which means she has made some enemies. As it is, her participation in the Senate is limited to things like the Voter Registration Card Re-design Task Force. Pretty sure Ms. Astrup could step in and keep the ball rolling there.

State Representative - District 58A: Chris Hiatt

For crying out loud, if you're going to run for office, at least take the time to submit your biographical information to pertinent websites. Maybe a headshot too, eh? This is purely a vote against Joe Mullery, largely regarded as one of the least effective members of the house.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, when poorer districts in big cities elect lifers, they get nothing in return for their vote. I would like something in return for mine. Mullery's dad may have taught in our district, but Joe himself forgot us long ago.

Tomorrow: County races and Judges... Stay tuned.

Minneapolis 4th District Ballot Endorsements

2010-10-27T12:18:00.003-05:00

It's that time of year again. Time to listen to me and vote just like me for a better Minnesota. Think of the children, people.

Need a sample ballot for your district? Here you go. Statewide races today, county, ballot initiatives and judges tomorrow.

Governor: Tom Emmer

Secretary of State: Dan Severson

Mark Ritchie presided over one of the more corrupt election recounts your going to find. I don't care what party you are, if someone claims to find 200 ballots in the trunk of a car, you investigate.

State Auditor: Pat Anderson

If being error-prone disqualifies one from holding the office of State Auditor, then Otto needs to go.

Attorney General: Lori Swanson

District 5 Representative: Joel Demos

Lynne Torgerson is a non-entity, failing to reject a Tea Party Nation endorsement that cited Ellison's faith as a reason to oppose him.

Ellison may be a lifer, but this is his ceiling. Demos has shown he has a future ahead of him.

State Senator - District 58A: Hayley Astrup

State Representative - District 58A: Chris Hiatt

Tomorrow: County races and Judges... Stay tuned.

Monday Musings - NPR edition

2010-10-25T01:28:00.002-05:00

It's Monday. I'm harvesting peppers, dammit. Let's muse.

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Some observations on the Juan Williams firing.

-Nobody has made a comment about "uppity blacks", even though it seems quite reasonable to argue that Juan Williams wouldn't have been fired if he were white.

-The CEO of NPR questioned Williams' sanity, and then promptly apologized, noting that her comments were ill-advised. Williams was fired for precisely her offense.

-I was making the case that state-run radio in this country is absurd long before that became a hip talking point. It remains a pretty hip talking point.

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Barack Obama visited the cities yesterday. He said that Dayton is the only one on the record saving Minnesotans money.

To which, does Obama even know who Dayton is? Could that talking point have been any more generic, to the point of being absurd? Nobody, left or right, thinks Dayton has saved Minnesotans money. That's not his platform. The hell?

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I linked to this on Facebook, but it bears repeating here.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20020430-10391704.html

Essentially, there are now ten dead, mostly babies, from an outbreak of whooping cough. Thanks to the miracles of science, we solved whooping cough. There is a vaccine for it.

What we did not solve is the reflexive cynicism people have toward fact. There is a growing trend, not least of which among (ugh) Christians, to abstain from vaccinations. Armed with terrible evidence, and the benefit of collective vaccinations, parents are choosing not to vaccinate.

People are now dead because of this. The argument against vaccinating children is as incoherent (and immoral) as the argument for legal abortion. Vaccines save lives. If you don't believe the scientific studies, believe your lying eyes, but ignore the ridiculous rumor and innuendo. Kids are not dying in droves anymore.

Vaccinate, for crying out loud. When you don't, babies die. Period.

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On the flip side, this is what happens when scientists in other fields engage in shenanigans. I'm looking at you, scientists who can see me staring at them.

Babies die when scientists write about massaging consensus. Period.

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Wife and I made it to Door County a couple of weeks ago. Those looking to avoid Duluth's absurd peak fall season mark ups would do well to hit up DC. Half the price, twice the foliage, none of the Duluth.

On food:

On the basis of a single data point, I am going to conclude that there is an inverse correlation between the quality of a restaurant's food and the number of goats residing on its rough. Also, if you are a self-proclaimed Scandinavian restaurant (no matter how kitschy) do utilize the correct recipe for Swedish meatballs. Not. Rocket science.

In fact, pass on any and all Scandinavian-themed restaurants in Door County.

Do NOT pass on the Whistling Swan. In addition to having an enviably gorgeous space, the chef there is putting out some very food-forward stuff. The fish is to die for, but I loved the treatment of bread service (viz a cardamom biscuit) as a course. So smart. Local restos, steal this idea.

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I could go on and on about cranberry curry. This uniquely Minnesotan pleasure surpasses the Juicy Lucy on my list of guilty pleasures. Just had Thanh Do's version. You can find it elsewhere. Gobble it up.

I shouldn't downplay Thanh Do. I'm always one to mildly tolerate asian fusion, but this place hits on all cylinders for a place striving to connect with suburban palates.

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My four word review of Shutter Island? Gangs of New York.

That is all.

GOP Women are Mean

2010-10-17T20:25:00.005-05:00

In addition to being Nazis and/or buffoons, the women of the GOP also find the time to be mean. So says Maureen "I dub thee kettle black" Dowd in her latest op-ed in the Paper of Former Credibility. Let's enjoy some petty reading, shall we?

As I sat above the Hoover Dam under the broiling sun, I was getting jittery.

Sigh. 700 more words of this crap. Alrighty then...

As the politicians droned on and my Irish skin turned toasty brown, I worried that Governor Brewer might make a citizen’s arrest and I would have to run for my life across the desert. She has, after all, declared open season on anyone with a suspicious skin tone in her state.

So, Jan Brewer is mean by virtue of adhering to Maureen's caricature of her position. That's reasonable.

We are in the era of Republican Mean Girls, grown-up versions of those teenage tormentors who would steal your boyfriend, spray-paint your locker and, just for good measure, spread rumors that you were pregnant.

Stealing the boyfriend of an angry liberal or, as Republican women call it, existing. Seriously, though, spray painting lockers? Did Maureen go to high school in a John Hughes movie?

These women — Jan, Meg, Carly, Sharron, Linda, Michele, Queen Bee Sarah and sweet wannabe Christine — have co-opted and ratcheted up the disgust with the status quo that originally buoyed Barack Obama.

Calling someone a "wannabe" is mean, in precisely the way that high school girls are mean. Also, if Maureen lost her boyfriend to Sharron Angle...

Whether they’re belittling the president’s manhood,

Or, as Republican women call it, existing.

making snide comments about a rival’s hair or ripping an opponent for spending money on a men’s fashion show,

...would be quite a bit like making fun of the minority leader for tanning, which the New York Times does, literally, on a weekly basis. That said, doesn't this kinda blow a hole in the whole "cheerleader" theory? Sarah was a basketball player, Christine was a witch, Meg graduated high school in three years, "Linda" graduated college in three.

Granted, these women have accomplished things, unlike our president. Maybe that's why Dowd thinks they are so mean. Cheerleaders can get awfully jealous for the boys on the team.

the Mean Girls have replaced Hope with Spite and Cool with Cold.

I am totally fine with this trade-off. "Hope" and "cool" have put us "over" a "barrel". Let's make with the cold and honest. Spite can tag along, too.

Seated next to Brewer at the bridge dedication was Harry Reid, the slight, mild-mannered, 70-year-old Senate majority leader who has wandered into the surprise fight of his career — a race where the fur is flying.

I saw clips from the Angle-Reid debate. Suffices to say, the fur is decidedly intact. Also, calling someone mild-mannered seems a bit of damning with faint praise.

“Man up, Harry Reid,” Sharron Angle taunted him at their Las Vegas debate here Thursday night. That’s not an idle insult, coming from a woman who campaigns at times with a .44 Magnum revolver in her 1989 GMC pickup.

It's really mean of her to drive a GMC pickup.

With casino red suit and lipstick, Angle played the Red Queen of the Mad Hatter tea party...

My goodness. If this analogy were being held at Guantanamo, Amnesty International would be involved.

Even sober and smiling beneath her girlish bangs, the 61-year-old Angle had the slightly threatening air of the inebriated lady in a country club bar,

Why do I get the distinct impression that Dowd has been that lady?

The debate between the former boxer and the former competitive weight lifter

Wait. Angle was a competitive weight lifter?

Angle could have told the poignant story of her German immigrant great-grandmother who died trying to save laundry hanging on the clothesline in a South Dakota prairie fire, which Angle wrote about in her self-published book, “Prairie Fire.”

Seriously? Wow. Angle needs to get herself a Dos Equis commercial.

But instead the former teacher and assemblywoman began hurling cafeteria insults. “I live in a middle-class neighborhood in Reno, Nevada,” she said. “Senator Reid lives in the Ritz-Carlton in Washington, D.C.”

Yeah, I got that insult all the time in school. "Why don't you go back to the Ritz-Carlton, Kevin." Just because I went to school in a tuxedo and played the fife. That Steve was a real jerk.

But he did rebut Angle’s inane contention that health insurers should not have to cover anything, talking about how important it was to be covered on mammograms and colonoscopies.

“If you do colonoscopies,” he said, “colon cancer does not come ’cause you snip off the things they find when they go up and — no more.”

Yeah, that's a sterling refutation right there. I hope he got home in time for Wapner. Egads.

“Well,” Angle replied tartly, “pink ribbons are not going to make people have a better insurance plan.”

So, you can be mild-mannered and incoherent, or you can be accurate and awesome. The latter, of course, is mean.

Angle has been pressing the case, underwritten by Karl Rove’s operation and other conservative groups that have made the majority leader their No. 1 target, that Reid must be punished for being in a socialist triumvirate with Nancy Pelosi and President Obama.

Angle is engaging in the uniquely Rovian strategy of running against her opponent.

In the debate, she went for the jugular, asking him how he became “one of the richest men in the Senate” after coming from Searchlight “with very little.”

Oh, I get it. It's mean to ask career politicians how they have come to benefit so handsomely from their political careers. Best to just let them get rich and not say a peep. Wouldn't want to be mean.

He said that was “really kind of a low blow,” adding that he had been a successful lawyer before becoming a pol, and “did a very good job in investing.”

Maureen Dowd is not mean, and therefore passes along this bald-faced lie as fact. Yeah, it was his two years as City Attorney for Henderson, Nevada that laid the groundwork for his fortune.

After the debate was over, Angle scurried away and so did I — in a different direction. I was feeling jittery again. If she saw me, she might take away my health insurance and spray-paint my locker.

Love the comparison of Angle to a scurrying animal. How apropos of an op-ed about how people are mean.

Let's review

a) Jan Brewer supports allowing police to ask for papers for suspected illegal immigrants, a policy supported by the majority in her state and nationwide.

b) Sharron Angle had some pointed questions for Harry Reid and also drives a truck.

therefore

c) Carly Fiorina is mean.

Here's my take. People who resort to calling other people mean are, almost to a name, mean themselves. Like the civility thing, calling someone "mean" is a bludgeon.

But really, it just doesn't seem like Maureen Dowd has anything to say anymore. She has a "way with words" in a political atmosphere that demands ideas and concepts, however poorly expressed.

The days of catty rhetoric passing for analysis are done, at least for now. America has had it with a country where power brokers reside in country club cocktail lounges.

This is a world that no longer has any need for Maureen Dowd. That's all a bit sad, but look at it this way. Nobody spray paints an ice flow.